ICWF Intercontinental Champion Arlechino defends against Victoria in the main event.
<Jessie, Lisa, Bob, and Chad stand at ringside, with an excited crowd waving and screaming all around. Colored lights flash over the arena as the latest show begins.>
Jessie: Good evening, everybody! Live from our beautiful studios here in Richter City, Florida, we bring you the ICWF Saturday Showdown! With me tonight are my esteemed colleagues, “Luscious” Lisa Madison, Chad “Romeo” Romero, and Bob Brodsky! We’ve got some big developments on tap for you tonight, right, Bob?
Bob: That’s right, Jess. Tonight we’ve got a full slate of fantastic matches, including title defenses by Arlechino, the Body Girls, and our new Intercontinental Champs, WILDSIDE!!!!
(The fans pop bigtime at the name.)
Chad: Yeah, Brodsky, but they’re defendin’ the belts in a rematch with FURY, dig? They might as well just give ’em right back.
Bob: We’ll see about that.
Lisa: And if that weren’t all, we have the privilege of welcoming none other than the owner and president of the ICWF himself, Mr. Mike Shoemaker, to tonight’s program! Let’s bring him out now!
(From off-panel, a man in a tailored, double-breasted blue suit enters into view. He smiles and shakes hands with Chad, then with Bob (who shakes just a LITTLE too enthusiastically). He gives Jessie and Lisa a gentle squeeze of their fingers.)
Lisa: It’s a pleasure to have you on the show, sir.
Mike: Well, it’s a pleasure to be here. I’ve heard a lot of good things out of the IWCF here, and thought I’d pay a visit.
Bob: Uh, sir, it’s the I-SEE-WF.
Mike: I knew that. Anyway, I just figured with the season over for the Miami Mercs that I’d take some time to visit, and express my support for all that you guys are doing.
Jessie: Well, sir, it’s a pleasure to have you here. You’ll be joining us for color commentary later in the show, and we’re looking forward to you getting down in the trenches with us.
Mike: Me, too–(A cellphone starts ringing; he digs into his pocket, flips it out, and starts talking.) Sorry guys, I’ll be right back….
Bob: (Smiling and nodding.) A busy exec’s work is never done.
Chad: You suck-up.
Bob: Why, you, I oughtta–
Jessie: Okay, guys settle down. Let’s go to Mike Duffer in the ring for the introductions on our first match!
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen. This next match is a nontitle match. It is one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Entering the ring, accompanied by his valet, Lady Venus, from London, England, at 253 lbs., Lord Anthony Davis. (some boos and cheers, crowd not sure of this guy; he wears long purple velvet robe which he removes to reveal purple trunks with the royal emblem on the rear, silver boots and an elbow brace.
(Mariachi music plays amidst a chorus of boos and jeers) Now entering, accompanied by Elena Quartermain, from Toledo, Spain, at 190 lbs., The US Champion, Spanish Rose. (She yells at the crowd while taking off her jacket. She wears a black leotard with matching boots and kneepads; the leotard and boots have matching roses.) The referee is Donna Quinn.
Rose: Hey Quinn. Stay away from me tonight! You better not get in my way, I destroy you!
Chad: About time someone said something about that Quinn.
Jessie: Here’s the bell. They lock up and Anthony pushes her into the ropes. He goes to break, but he lashes out with that huge arm across her chest. Another and he puts on a front headlock. He’s choking her and WOW! A huge smash across Roses’ back. She’s down and Anthony kicks her, then stomps on her hands. This guy is here to wrestle. Donna pushes him away and Rose stands. But her rushes in and has her against the ropes, choking her. Donna tries to separate them, but Rose has his trunks and pulls them both tumble over the rope and fall to the floor. This doesn’t look good for either of them. Rose is up and kicks Anthony in the head. She pulls him up and lifts him, smashing his back into the edge of the apron, then drops him.
Lisa: Anthony is well known in Japan and South America. He has a lot of ability, although we’re not seeing it now….
Chad: She’s climbing back in, no, she kneedrops him from the top rope. That’ll start the count over. Anthony is rolling in pain from that kneedrop. She’s got him up again.
Jessie: Another bodyslam into the apron and she throws him into the ring.
Chad: Get a hold of the Undertaker; we’re gonna need him soon.
Jessie: Rose slowly pulls him up by the hair and throws him into a corner. God! He flew off the turnbuckle after smashing into She grabs him again and another throw into the corner just above us. She follows up with a forearm to his head as he hits. That snapped his head back and he fell to the mat.
Rose: Hey Chad, watch this, just for you.
Jessie: She has him up for a bodyslam and throws him into the turnbuckle. Rose is just destroying that back. She pulls him up and lifts him with a chokehold. Donna counts and Rose releases at 4. What strength! She kicks him, then yanks him up like a ragdoll and throws him against the ropes. A big chop across the throat sends him down. She’s yelling at him.
Rose: Hey you, stupido! I can keel you if I want. You nothing to me. You are finito.
Jessie: I guess she had to remind him he was losing. She pulls him up and throws him over her shoulder with a belly-to-back suplex. There’s nothing left in him. She pulls him up again and another suplex sends him crashing onto his head and neck. Rose is just playing now. Rose puts on a front headlock, choking him. But she nails him with a vicious kneelift to his head sending him sprawling across the mat. Another front headlock and a kneelift to his face, sending him nearly out cold to the mat. She drags him to the center, climbs to the top rope and flies into the lights, crashing down onto his prone body. Rose stands and places a foot on his chest, striking a double bicep pose. There’s the count, 1……….2……….3, and thank God, it’s over. No, wait, she has him up again. Oh my, a piledriver smashing his head into the mat and bouncing him across the ring. Lady Venus wants to come in, but Rose is snarling at her. Now she breaks up laughing and walks to our corner as Venus comes in to help Anthony.
Ring Announcer: The winner in 3:47, the US Champion, Spanish Rose.
Rose: Hey Chad, you talk to me, not that Lopez guy.
Chad: Okay, baby! You were never in trouble in the beginning of the match, were you?
Rose: No way. This gringo could not really touch me. I was making him feel good before I turn out hees lights.
Chad: Who do you want to face next?
Rose: I see some of these new people like this Bambi or Jeri Taylor or Nabiki Yen. I want one or all of them. Then maybe they no speak so big.
Chad: Right. I’ve been saying that myself. These new wrestlers think they’re so good, but they haven’t faced the best yet–my Spanish Rose.
Rose: Gracias. Then I want another belt, maybe the World Title. When can you get off tonight? Let’s go do something. Can’t you leave these people?
Jessie: Not if he wants his money. Let’s go to our sponsors and then back for our next match.
Jessie: We’re back! And just in time too, as our next match is about to get underway!
Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is scheduled for one fall! Currently in the ring, weighing in at 223 pounds and hailing from Van Nuys, California, here is Lucas Flintwater! [Flintwater half-heartedly raises a fist into the air; he gets little reaction from the crowd. “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne begins to play.] And his opponent, led to the ring by her manager, Michael Alexander Worthington IV, weighing in at 185 pounds, from Providence, Rhode Island, “Doctor” Judith Joyce!
Worthington wheels the mini-shock treatment unit towards the ring, followed by Joyce, who approaches the ring in her usual business-like manner, ignoring the boos of the fans. As Worthington holds the ropes apart for her, she climbs into the ring and slowly removes her business skirt and jacket, revealing her wrestling attire.
Jessie: It’s been a while since we have seen Judith Joyce or her tag team partner, “The Lethal Librarian”, Janet Lane in action.
Lisa: Jessie, Politically Correct has just returned from a successful tour in Europe, where they defeated some of the top-ranked tag teams in the world. Mr. Shoemaker, I believe you were in Europe recently, negotiating the Virgin Cola deal for the Miami Mercs. Were you able to catch a few matches while you were there, sir?
Mike: still on the phone, and not paying attention to the current conversation: Matches? I believe I did pick up a few in a hotel room somewhere…
Lisa: Oh sir, you’re so funny!
Jessie: Joyce and Worthington are still discussing strategy in their corner. Flintwater decides not to wait for the bell and executes an avalanche on Joyce from behind!
Chad: Whaddya know, ole Lucas has some guts! Too bad he’s gonna get the crap beat out of him!
Jessie: Flintwater tries to work Joyce over in the corner, but she backs him off with a kick to the midsection. A kneelift from Joyce, and Flintwater is down!
Chad: See, what did I tell ya!
Bob: The match isn’t over yet, Romero! Flintwater is an up-and-comer here in the ICWF, you’re going to see some gold around that youngster’s waist one of these days!
Chad: Not until the ICWF introduces a title for bums!
Jessie: Joyce feeds Flintwater into position for a piledriver, and slams his head into the canvas! She hoists the nearly-unconscious man up into the air, and executes a Gorilla Press! She drags him to his feet again, places him on the top turnbuckle, and there’s the Freudian Slip!
Bob: A brainbuster from the top rope, definitely one of the more devastating moves in the sport! Imagine Spanish Rose being the recipient of THAT one, Romero! We’d have a new United States champion!
Chad: Rose would not let herself be put into that situation, Brodsky! Although I must admit, the Doctor would be a tough challenge for my girl!
Jessie: Joyce is back to her feet. She adjusts her wrestling attire, and casually puts one foot on Flintwater’s chest. There’s the 1-2-3 from the referee, and the Doctor’s return to action here is a triumphant one!
Duffer: The winner of the match…”Doctor” Judith Joyce!
Chad: And the Doctor is signaling to Worthington to set up for the shock treatment! Looks like Flintwater is going to have his attitude adjusted!
Bob: Why is the referee allowing this to take place! Mr. Shoemaker…sir… isn’t there something you can do?
Mike: still on the phone, looks up at Bob irritably] Brad…
Bob: That’s Bob, sir.
Mike: Roy, I am in the middle of a very important deal right now. Can this wait until later?
Bob: meekly] Yes sir.
Chad: Yea, Roy, let the man conduct his business! And right now, Dr. Joyce is conducting HER business with Whitewater, administering a little jump start to his career!
Bob: This is disgusting!!
Jessie: And now, let’s go to some pre-taped comments by the NEW ICWF Intercontinental tag team champions, Wildside!
The camera is on a beach somewhere. The sun is shining and a lot of people are relaxing in the sun. The camera pans around finally coming to a halt on a group of people a short distance away. There are three men and four women. One of the women, a gorgeous brunette wearing a white bikini, is relaxing on a blanket, watching the other six play a game of football. As we get closer we see that the woman on the blanket is Susan James, and the other six are the wrestlers in her stable: “Rocker” Ray Radford, “Jumping” Johnny Richards, Jake Sanders, Carrie “Wild Thing” Westfield, Samantha “Wild One” Starr and “The Shadow” Yoshiko Kage.
Jake is the biggest of the group, with 6’7″ and 288 pounds of muscle behind him, and it is easy to see that it’s real power as the blonde giant tackles both Samantha and Carrie at once, leaving an open path for the smaller Johnny Richards to run through to receive a pass from Radford. The pass is good, and it looks like Johnny is going to make a touchdown when suddenly Yoshiko Kage makes her move. She dives forwards towards Richards, as he turns to run for the end zone, and grabs the ball right out of his hands. Hitting the sand with a roll that brings her right to her feet she bounces right over the pile made up of Jake, Samantha and Carrie, and runs for the guys’ end zone with only Ray blocking the path. Radford gets a big grin on his face and prepares to grab the much smaller woman, but as he reaches out to stop her she throws her legs forward and slide right in under his arms and into the end zone, planting the ball firmly on the ground.
Finally Susan stands up and calls everyone over to the camera. Jake and Johnny are wearing shorts. Johnny is smaller and more agile looking than Jake at 6’5″ and 255 lbs. He’s got short, brown hair and a big grin on his face. Ray is 6’6″ and with a more muscular build than Johnny, but not as powerful as Jake. He’s got long, brown hair and he is wearing an Aerosmith T-shirt and a pair of shorts. Yoshiko is the smallest of the group, and almost looks fragile compared to the guys. She’s a slender 5’7″ Japanese beauty wearing a black and white bikini. Her long, black hair flowing freely halfway down her back. Carrie is a 5’11” gorgeous brunette with her long hair tied back in a ponytail. She’s wearing a black, T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off and a pair of tightfitting denim shorts and her customary black Stetson cowboy hat. Finally there’s Samantha. A 6′ tall beautiful blonde wearing a black T-shirt with her and Carrie’s faces on the front (the official ICWF Born To Be Wild T-shirt) and a black bikini bottom.
Susan: Okay, it’s time for some words from the wild bunch again. First of all the champions, Jake and Johnny have a couple of words.
Jake: Well, we’re still sorta overwhelmed by all this. I mean, we didn’t even expect to get a shot this soon, and now we’re standing here as champs. It feels good. However, now we have to take on Fury in that return matchup. It ain’t gonna be easy. Those are two tough guys, but we intend to keep a hold on these belts!
Johnny: We showed everyone we’re not to be taken lightly! No one expected us to just come in here and win, but that’s what we did! So win or lose, champs or not! Wildside are here to stay, baby! You want a fight? Look no further than the wild boys! Fury! No matter what the result tonight, you’re gonna KNOW you’ve been in a fight!
Susan: Now, Ray here is signed to meet Jax, and if you think the Rocker is gonna stay quiet then you don’t know him very well!
Ray: Jax! You’re big. You’re tough. You’re strong. However, you’re not ME! And that’s what’s gonna make the difference! You’re gonna be facing 263 pounds of two-fisted, bloody-minded, stubborn as a mule and wilder than anything you’ve ever seen furious ROCK’ N ROLL POWER! Are you ready for “Rocker” Ray? Are you REALLY ready? I… DON’T… THINK… SO! Jax! Get ready to CRASH AND BURN!
Susan: And then there’s two ladies who give a new meaning to the word wild.
Samantha: Randi! Brandi! Beat ya once! Gonna beat ya twice! Get ready, because baby, we were BORN TO BE WILD!
Carrie: Barbie Dolls! Y’all thought ya were unbeatable, didn’t ya? Well, we sure did prove that one wrong! Tonight’s tha night, ladies! Do y’all feel lucky? Well, ya bettah, ’cause if ya don’t then those belts are comin’ home round tha waists of a pair of REAL women instead of a pair of fake, silicone enhanced Barbie dolls! It’s gonna be a hot time in the ol’ town tonight! Tha’s for sure! YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAH!
Susan: And finally, Yoshiko wishes to say a few words regarding one particular person. Yoshiko? Go ahead.
Yoshiko: Thank you, Susan-chan. My words today will be directed towards one Nabiki Yen. Yen-san, you should be ashamed of yourself. The way you have been conducting yourself since coming to the ICWF brings shame and dishonor on our country. It brings shame and dishonor on your family name. You try to buy what should not be bought. You do not conduct yourself with the honor and integrity a warrior should in the ring. You are a disgrace, Yen-san, and if you do not mend your ways I will be forced to do something about it.
Susan: ICWF! You ain’t seen nothing yet!
The screen fades out.
Jessie: Fans, earlier in the week we had a chance to highlight Kelly Kandelski, involved in a different kind of match–high school rules! And before you dismiss it, you should see the effort and determination required by both competitors. Let’s go to that footage now!
(Scene switches to a high-school gymnasium, with Jessie, Bob, Chad, and Lisa standing on the hardwood as a group of men put out a mat. Around the sides stands a group of onlookers, and a group of cheerleaders going through a chant. On the front of their sweaters are the letters “LHS”.)
Bob: The crew is rolling out a mat to set up for this special match, which is something you don’t see too often among professionals–an old-fashioned amateur rules match. Kelly Kandelski and Alan Peterson will be going at it for six minutes of pure grappling.
Chad: Obviously, Kelly doesn’t have what it takes to stick it out with the real wrestlers…
Bob: Then Rob Foster is not a real wrestler?
Jessie: Whatever her motives were, this will give her the chance to demonstrate her technical skill, against a man who has trained extensively in that.
Michael: The following contest is a HIGH SCHOOL RULES match! Coming to the ring first, this year’s Tennessee Region 5 champion in the 161-pound class, from LaVergne High School, at 157 pounds, here is Alan Peterson!
(Peterson comes out in the blue-and-white singlet of the Wolverines, as the fans cheer wildly.)
Chad: She’s taking on a high school kid?
Bob: She’s just started college herself.
(Celine Dion’s “Quelqu’un que j’aime, quelqu’un qui m’aime” comes over the PA, confusing the fans, who then see the wrestler coming out and cheer bigtime.)
Michael: And her opponent, from Pacific Palisades, California, weighing in at 131 pounds, here is… Kelly… Kandelski!
Lisa: Donna Quinn looks briefly at the two wrestlers, and hands Peterson a green leg band and Kandelski a red one.
Chad: I don’t know which is uglier–those, or the armbands she’s wearing.
Jessie: That’s so she can signal points to where it’s obvious who gets them. One thing to note: a pin in these rules only requires a count of 2. Quinn lines up the wrestlers, and starts the clock. They tie up, and Peterson reaches for the leg, but Kandelski sidesteps and grabs his leg in return. She pulls it in, and they go to the mat. Peterson is keeping her from coming around…
Bob: But she slips free, and Kandelski comes behind him for the takedown. 2-0 Kandelski, and now she gets a half-nelson in.
Lisa: Peterson should be too strong for her, but that is a lot of leverage… she gets him over! The ref is watching to see if she can get him below 45 degrees–she does, and the count! 1… 2… 3… 4… and Peterson not only pulls free, but manages to move on top of Kandelski.
Chad: That’s her for you, always overextending herself.
Jessie: That was 2 for the near-fall to Kandelski, 2 to Peterson for reversing, and he decides to let her up, so 1 for the escape makes it 5-2 in Kelly’s favor.
Bob: They tie up again, and WHOA! Kandelski with a fireman’s carry, and Peterson is on his back! Quinn counts the near-fall… it looks like she’s got him pinned… the referee whistles and signals the fall, but the timekeeper is waving it off!
Lisa: They are conferring… and Quinn waves off the pin! Peterson was saved by the bell!
Chad: Kelly never has been able to finish anyone off…
Jessie: With two for the takedown and three for the 5-second near fall, Kandelski takes a 10-2 lead into the second. The referee pulls out her flip disk… it’s red, Kelly’s choice, she passes… and Peterson takes the down position.
(Kelly says something to the ref, who tells Alan, who adjusts a bit.)
Lisa: It appears Kandelski is using the freestyle start, both hands on the back, which usually means she wants to let him escape, and then get the takedown for 2 points to 1. The period begins and NO! She hits a cradle, and Peterson is stunned–and stuck!
Michael: Your winner, by a fall in a time of 2:22, Kelly Kandelski!
(Scene fades; later, Alan shows up at Visions of Fitness, and asks for Kelly.)
Desk boy, on the intercom: Kelly Kandelski, you have a guest at the front desk.
(Kelly comes out in a green leotard.)
Kelly: Alan! What brings you here?
Alan: I was wondering if you could show me that move you did.
Kelly: Come on back.
(They arrive at a wrestling mat, where Kelly teaches him the move she used to defeat him.)
Kelly: I have to go now. I’m teaching an aerobics class. Would you like to come?
Alan: I don’t think I could handle all those steps…
Kelly: Hey, if you can learn all those wrestling moves, this shouldn’t be any problem. Besides, there’s usually a lot of women there.
Alan: Why didn’t you say so? Let’s go!
Chad: And noooow…….They’re BAAAACK! Time for one of my favorite teams to show all the chumps around here how you do things in the ring! The snakes are IN the building!
Jessie: That’s right. The Snake Sisters are back in the ICWF ring, and if I know them right then they’re quite ready to take apart whoever they’ll be facing.
Chad: Ya got that right! Take it away, Mike Duffer! Work for your paycheck for once!
Michael Duffer: Watch it, Chad. Ladies and gentlemennnnn. The following matchup is for one fall with a 25 minute time limit. Already in the ring, weighing in at a total combined weight of 503 pounds. From the year 2096….
Chad: Oh no! Not _them_! ANYONE but them!
Michael Duffer: …Future and Shock…..FUTURESHOCK!
(Future and Shock are both around 250 lbs. and 6 feet tall. They are wearing cheap looking silver colored bodysuits and masks. Some fans are actually cheering them, but most of them are just laughing at the cheap looking costumes)
Chad: Okay! I wanna know whose idea it was to hire these two again! Who’s the brainless moron that….
President Shoemaker: What? I thought these guys were accomplished wrestlers. That’s what they told me when I signed them anyway.
Chad: Eeehh….Heh..heh..heh…What I meant to say was that whoever came up with the _great_ idea of hiring these two again must be a genius. Pure genius. Heh…heh….heh…
Bob: <Muttering> Nice save, Romero.
Lisa: Chad. Why are you sweating so terribly?
Jessie: Would you like a crowbar to remove that foot from your mouth, Chad?
Michael Duffer: Aaaaaand their opponents making their way to the ring accompanied by their manager “Prince” Percival DeGage…..At a combined weight of 360 pounds…Here are the ICWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…. The Python Princess and Jennifer “Sidewinder” Sanders, THE SNAAAAAKE SISSSSTERS!
(The Snake Sisters are in their usual snakeskin costumes as they make their way to the ring. The wolf-whistles start up immediately as a good portion of the male fans hold up Snake Sisters posters. Some of them even hold up rubber snakes in the air)
Chad: Look at the snakes! They look fantastic! That short absence from the ICWF rings didn’t hurt their appearance any.
Jessie: There’s the bell and it’s the Princess and Future locking up, and the snake wastes no time as she puts the man from the future in a Sammartino backbreaker.
Chad: Oh, this is gonna be good! I can tell! Her highness gets bored with that hold and dumps Future chump like a bad habit! She picks him back up, and… WHAT? Future BLOCKED? When did they decide to give this guy enough of a brain to pull that off?
Bob: I don’t know….Maybe FutureShock have been in training? Maybe they’re not as bad as we thought…Future slipping behind the Princess, and he’s trying to lock on a full nelson! An actual WRESTLING MOVE attempted by Future here!
Jessie: Amazing! This is almost a new Future we’re seeing here, and the Princess looks as surprised as us….Future STILL trying to get that full nelson locked on, and…OUCH! I guess the Princess had just about had enough of Future there! She just sent him into the ropes with a backward kick that must have left an imprint of her foot in Future’s chest!
Bob: Future moves back in at the Princess, and she tries to slap him, but he beats her to it with a slap right on her highness’ right cheek! She looks absolutely FURIOUS! And here comes Shock into the ring!
Jessie: And there goes Shock OUT of the ring as the Python Princess just TOSSES him right over the top! And now she’s right back on top of Future! She whips him into the corner with AUTHORITY and follows him in with a charge, but Future hit that corner so hard he bounced right off it and landed face first on the mat! The Princess just rammed her shoulder into that steel ringpost!
President Shoemaker: That did look painful. Future just rolled out of the ring, and Python Princess rolled right out after him. I must say, she does look rather angry now.
Chad: No kiddin’! Princess has just about had it with this futurechump! She whips him into the guardrail, and he goes down like he’s been shot!
Lisa: The Princess is favoring that shoulder though. And the referee is counting them out…Future crawls back in the ring and the Princess follows him with murder in her eyes!
Chad: And very beautiful eyes they are too. Not as beautiful as Rose’s, of course, but….
Jessie: And here comes Shock! And there goes Shock. The Princess tossed him right out again. Future tries a dropkick, but she sidesteps it and he hits the mat HARD with the back of his head! She picks him up and DOWN he goes into a DEVASTATING jack-knife powerbomb! The cover… One, two…And the Princess pulls him back up!
Chad: She ain’t finished with him yet. I love it!
Bob: It’s disgusting, that’s what it is!
Chad: Since when did your opinion count anyway, Brodsky?
Bod: One of these days, Romero. One of these days.
Jessie: A slap by the Princess rocks the man in silver. OUCH! DDT perfectly executed! That was almost like seeing an old Jake “The Snake” Roberts DDT!
Chad: Fitting, isn’t it? The move made famous by one snake used by another.
Jessie: She covers him, but somehow he managed to get his foot on the rope! The Princess looks like that was the last straw. She picks him up….Tags out to Sanders….And Future goes right back down after a Steinerline by the Princess…He tries to stand back up, and is sent back down with an enzuigiri by the Sidewinder! The snakes pick him up and whips him to the ropes….DOUBLE BACKDROP! The Princess nails him with ANOTHER DDT, and he’s not moving! Sanders to the ropes, and a flying fistdrop slams into Future’s skull!
Bob: The snakes are setting an example here. Future actually tried to mount an offensive early on, and I guess the snakes found that…well… offensive.
Lisa: Shock trying to come in, but the ref cuts him off and shoves him back in FutureShock’s corner while the snakes work over Future some more! Finally the Princess leaves the ring.
Chad: Future tries an elbowsmash on Jennifer, but she just smiles at him and tells him to hit her harder! OOH! She just showed him how it should be done! And now she’s dragging him over to Futureshock’s corner! She tells him to tag out, and he tries, but Shock has decided he wants no part of Sanders! He won’t tag in!
Jessie: Sidewinder takes care of that though. She grabs Future’s hand and Shock’s hand and then slap them against each other! That’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone FORCE their opponents to make a tag. The referee is checking Future in the corner and in the meantime the Princess enters the ring, and the snakes NAIL Shock with a double flying dropkick!
<From here on the match progresses with the Snake Sisters demolishing FutureShock and having a good time doing it. The few times FutureShock tried to mount an offensive it was quickly stopped in its tracks by the champions, and every time the snakes tried to pin their opponents they changed their minds and pulled them back up. It was not a match. It was a slaughter, pure and simple.>
Jessie: This match should have been stopped a long time ago. The snakes have been toying with Future and Shock the 20 minutes it has lasted. They could have ended this a long time ago.
Chad: Hey! They’re having fun, and so am I! It’s a true pleasure to watch those two silver clad idiots get a royal beating!
Bob: You’re a sick person, Romero.
Chad: Hey, I saw you cheering when the Princess powerbombed the futurechump!
Bob: Well…yeah, but…uhm…
Jessie: Guys? The match? Jennifer Sanders is in there with Future now, and here comes Shock!….And there goes Shock.
Chad: The Princess intercepting him and tossing him out over the top AGAIN. You’d think he had learned something by now, but nooooo. He had to try it again.
Jessie: Sanders with a tiger suplex! Enzuigiri!….Future is dead on his feet. Why doesn’t she just end it and pin him? She tags out to the Princess and then nails Future with a spin kick! And the Princess slaps a cobra clutch on him! And here comes Shock!….AND HE DOESN’T GET TOSSED OUT! HE MAKES THE SAVE!
Chad: What’s going ON here? First Future tries an actual WRESTLING move early on in the match, and then Shock makes a save? Did hell just freeze over??
Bob: I’m not sure, but it sure must be getting chilly down there! Shock not pressing his luck though as he wastes no time getting back out before someone decides to toss him out again. And Future is staggering back to his feet, but Sidewinder nails him with another spin kick! Come on ref! Where’s the flag? Sanders isn’t the legal man…er…woman!
Chad: The ref knows it doesn’t matter WHO’S legal. He knows this match really ended about 20 minutes ago. This is just the Snake Sisters’ idea of fun!
President Shoemaker: Sanders picks the poor boy up, and the Princess hits him with a…a….a kick-type thing.
Lisa: That was an enzuigiri, sir.
President Shoemaker: Thanks, Lisa. I’m glad you decided to join us here in the ICWF.
Bob: Me too! I’m glad too!
Chad: So am I! Nobody’s happier about it than me!
Lisa: Gee, thanks guys. You’re all so sweet.
President Shoemaker: …..
Jessie: Oh boy. Here we go again.
Lisa: The snakes whipping Future to the ropes…DEVASTATING double chop leaves him clutching his throat!
Jessie: Tombstone by Jennifer Sanders. Why isn’t this referee doing anything about her being in the ring as well? She pulls Future up and holds him in a standing position…Flying dropkick by the Princess! The princess pulls him up, and this time it’s Sidewinder with a dropkick! And now Sanders pulls him up. I think I’m seeing a pattern here. The princess with a devastating enzuigiri!
President Shoemaker: …..
Lisa: Shock tries to repeat his earlier success and come in to help his partner, but Sidewinder has other ideas! Shock has been grabbed by Sanders, and she grabs him by the mask and rams his face into the steel cornerpost! Oh MY!
Jessie: Sanders just performed a piledriver on Shock which almost put him THROUGH the mat! He’s out cold. Now she walks over to the Princess who’s holding a nearly unconscious Future upright, and they whip him to the ropes. DOUBLE ELBOWSMASH! And finally Sanders leaves the ring. The Princess isn’t finished with him though! Double underhook piledriver and Future crumples to the mat. She picks him back up….ANACONDA, but Future is in no condition to say whether he submits or not…The referee makes the decision for him though and calls for the bell.
President Shoemaker: Huh?…What?
Bob: Wait….What happened?
Chad: Who..where..It’s over??
Michael Duffer: Here are your winners…The Python Princess and Jennifer “Sidewinder” Sanders….The SNAAAAAAAKE SISTEEEEEEEERSSSSSS!
Lisa: The snakes aren’t finished yet though. They’re pulling the masks off Future and Shock, who just slump back on the mat, unconscious and face down. I’m gonna go and get some words from the snakes.
Chad: Well, I guess that’s one way to protect your identity.
(The camera cuts to the interview platform where Lisa is waiting for the Python Princess and Jennifer Sanders who make their way onto it waving FutureShock’s masks in the air.)
Lisa: Jennifer. Princess. I have to ask you this. Was it really necessary to keep that match going for as long as you did when FutureShock could obviously have been pinned after the first couple of minutes?
Sidewinder: Well, of course it was, lil’ Lisa. People just ain’t seen enough of us lately, so we decided we’d give ’em all a good, long look at what happens when ya try to take down the Princess and myself.
(Sanders and the Python Princess place themselves one on each side of Lisa)
Lisa: Well, that’s another thing. Where _have_ you two been lately?
Princess: Well, Lisa, dear. We have been travelling around in the Far East destroying anyone who dared enter the ring with us. Quite a nice little vacation, I must say. However, as of now we are back in the ICWF, and we find the lack of challenges rather bothersome. After all, how are we to stay as good as we are if all we get to wrestle are bums like those two individuals dressed in those rather tasteless silver costumes? No, I am afraid that if we do not get any decent challenges soon then we are going to have to pick someone for us to destroy by ourselves.
Sidewinder: That’s right. We’ve been kickin’ the crap outta all o’ them teams in Japan and whatnot. And now we’re back, and if people don’t have the guts to challenge us then we’re gonna start at the top of the tag team rankings and work our way down. Sorta a destruction by numbers, if ya catch my drift.
(The snakes suddenly move in closer to Lisa who squeaks helplessly as she is pinned between them.)
Sidewinder: Ya see, Lisa, the Snake Sisters are back, and we intend to show all these here other teams just HOW it’s done! We’re the best there is in the ICWF, and there ain’t no one who can say diff’rent! Cause if they do, we destroy em! Hell, we’re the best there is in the world!
Princess: Quite right. Now, we will expect to see some challenges coming in. If not, well then when we pick any of you as our next victims you will only have yourselves to blame.
(Lisa tries to say something, but it only comes out as a squeak as the snakes keep her pinned between them and the screen cuts to a commercial.)
Danny: I’m standing here with the ICWF owner and president, Mike Shoemaker, and the Intercontinental Champion, the one and only Arlechino. Ar, you and the prez go back a ways, don’t you?
Arlechino: Actually, yeah. We got to know one another back when we were in college. He went into business, I went into wrestling. Go figure.
Shoemaker: Yeah, but you got all the girls.
Arlechino: Still do.
Shoemaker: (High-fives Arlechino.) Wiseass.
Danny: What do you have to show us, gentlemen?
Arlechino: Well, with Mike undistracted by all that football junk, I decided that Task ‘n me would give him a night on the town. We got that cued?
Danny: Sure do, guys. Let’s roll it!
(Shot of a black stretch limo, pulling up in front of a hotel. Arlechino and Taskmaster are waiting at curbside, Ar in a sharp white suit and Taskie in a short black dress and heels, her hair coiffed stylishly. The limo stops, and owner and president Mike Shoemaker emerges, clad in a tailored Armani.)
Arlechino: Nice wheels, M-man.
Shoemaker: Thanks, just had it waxed this morning. I take it this is the woman you’ve been telling me about?
Arlechino: You bet. Mike, meet Linda Blair, aka Taskmaster. Taskie, this is my old friend Mike.
Task: A pleasure…
Shoemaker: Enchante (kisses her hand; she smiles and blushes.) Well, guys, the night is young, and so are we.
Arlechino: Well, some of us–
Shoemaker: Watch it….
Arlechino: Okay, okay. What’s on the agenda?
Shoemaker: Your call, bud.
Arlechino: Right! To my secret sanctuary!
* * *
Shoemaker: This is your secret sanctuary??
Arlechino: What did you expect? Let’s go!
(Arlechino leads his entourage into the Toys ‘R’ Us store.)
Arlechino: To the video games!
(Shoemaker follows Arlechino to the display and proceeds to engage him in a round of NHL 96. Meanwhile, Taskmaster goes exploring.)
Taskmaster: Hmm… Hi, Sid! (“Sandman” Sid McKnight barely notices Taskmaster as he compares the various model car kits on display. As she turns a corner, she finds herself looking down the barrel of a massive Super Soaker.)
Kathy Derringer: Oh, g’day, Taskmaster! I was just checking out the latest hydroprojectile technology.
Derringer: Water guns. The clerk tried to tell me it was too bloody big for a woman, but do you think a decorated sniper in the Australian Defense Force would have any trouble with this?
Taskmaster: Uh… no… do you know which way the teddy bears are?
Derringer: Aisle 7, far end, on the right.
Taskmaster: Thank you.
(She then heads there, picks out the two biggest bears in the store, and gathers Arlechino to pay for them as the crew exits.)
Taskmaster: Now let’s head for my place.
(This time, they arrive at the zoo.
(The next scene shows the limo pull up in front of the zoo. Taskmaster is first out this time, and she leads the group on a safari through her favorite exhibits. Shoemaker seems to take a particular interest in the lion’s den, and even stops to have his picture taken. The fun continues until the quartet is escorted out of the zoo, after Arlechino has a little too much fun imitating the apes in the monkey house.)
(We now see the limo pull up and stop in the parking lot of Erotica, the premiere gentleman’s club in Richter City. The trio disembarks, Taskie a bit wide-eyed, and Arlechino buzzing with anticipation.)
Shoemaker: Ar, you sure about this?
Arlechino: Sure, why not? This is the classiest strip club in the southeast! Besides, Taskie brought it up in the first place….
Shoemaker: Ida know, I’m a sorta high-profile figure, it might not be a good idea to be seen at a place like–
(Two women in white tuxedo jackets, top hats, and bikinis walk up and take him by the arms.)
Girl #1: Hi, Mike! We’ve got your table ready!
Mike: (Smiles sheepishly.) Um, like I was saying…let’s go!
(The interior of the club is populated with well-dressed businessmen– and a few businesswomen. Various beautiful girls dance and strip on stages around them. The trio is shown to a spacious table, which is sectioned off with felt ropes. They’re seated, and a few seconds later a server comes up to them.)
Server: Hi, Mike! The usual?
Shoemaker: Um…yeah, and get my friends whatever they’d like.
Arlechino: Cherry Coke, please.
Taskmaster: I’ll have an amoretto sour.
Server: Coming right up.
Arlechino: “I’m a sorta high-profile figure”, eh? “It might not be a good idea to be seen at a place like this”, eh?
Shoemaker: Alright, already, knock it off–Wow! Check out the main stage!
(On the main runway is a tall, lissome blonde, who is tearing up the floor. She dances with grace and style, mixing smoldering sensuality with flexibility and athleticism. Bills shower the stage as she works each adjacent patron, seamlessly involving each one in her performance. The music, Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls”, perfectly complements her every move as she grinds and twists. When the song finishes, she stops, slightly out of breath, smiling broadly as the patrons applaud wildly. Her body is coated with an attractive sheen of sweat.)
Arlechino: Yowza! That’s Jessica Spangles!
Arlechino: Jessica Spangles! She works for the ICWF! She’s the North American champion.
Shoemaker: Oh! Great! (Nods approvingly.)
Arlechino: Wanna meet her?
Shoemaker: Uh–well, sure!
(Arlechino stands up and puts his fingers into his mouth. The piercing whistle immediately draws Spangles’ attention, and she turns and waves. After collecting up the last of her money, she strides over to the booth and plops down in the President’s lap.)
Jessica: Ar! Linda! Haven’t seen you in a while.
Arlechino: Well, y’know, I’ve had this’n that to do…hey, I’d like you to meet the owner and president of the ICWF!
Jessica: Yeah, I heard you were coming. Good to meet you!
(The Prez is shaken from his stunned reverie.)
Shoemaker: Y-yeah! Good to meet you, too. You, um, wrestle, too?
Jessica: Yeah! It’s fun. I’ll bet what you do for a living is fun, too.
Shoemaker: Well…yeah, it can be. I’d…love to have you up to the corporate offices sometime, maybe for lunch. How’s that sound?
Jessica: Sure! Tomorrow at noon, maybe?
Shoemaker: Yeah! Yeah, okay, I’ll send a limo.
Jessica: Cool! Want a lap dance?
Shoemaker: (Nods, open-mouthed, something caught in his throat.)
Jessica: (Stands, and pulls him out of the booth.) Okay, guys, see ya later!
Arlechino: Later! (Turns to Taskie.) Y’know…we ARE in a strip club.
Arlechino: And, well, when in Rome…. (Gives her a wink.)
Task: Fine! You first.
Arlechino: Right on!
(Ar jumps onto the table, and starts to gyrate to the music. He unbuttons his shirt and the screen goes black….)
Jessie: Fans, our next match features our current North American champion, Jessica Spangles, in singles action against the Mexican sensation, Santos! Let’s go up to the ring for the introductions!
Michael Duffer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit! Coming to the ring first…he hails from Cancun, Mexico…at 254 pounds…in the red, black, and silver mask…please welcome…SANTOS!!!
(A muscular, masked man bounds out from the back to spirited horn music, a short cape streaming behind him. He vaults the ropes and unties the cape, then whips it about him in a flourish.)
Michael Duffer: And his opponent…(An exquisite blonde woman strides from the back, dressed in a revealing black singlet with “Jessica” across the front in pink sequins. She does a 360-degree turn to show the back, with a sun in gold sequins.)…with her coach Andrea Cantor…from Pacific Palisades, California, and weighing in at 143 pounds…JESSICA… SPANGLES!
(Wolf-whistles mainly for a while, which then give way to cheers. Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana” plays in the background.)
Michael Duffer: Your referee is George MacGuffin.
Bob: This Santos…haven’t I heard of him before?
Lisa: That’s right, Bob. Santos is one of the most successful wrestlers the Mexican Wrestling Alliance has ever had. He’s held their championship on several successive occasions. He’s come to the ICWF for the ultimate test of his skills.
Chad: I’ll say! He’s meeting a champ in his first match! But I like ‘im, he’s got spirit. I think he’s gonna upset Spangles and send ‘er back to whatever strip joint she came from!
Shoemaker: That would be Erotica, Chad.
Chad: Um…that’s not to say I don’t think she’s a great wrestler, sir…heh….
Jessie: While Chad works to unclog his mouth, there’s the bell, and the two wrestlers move out to ring center. I don’t think Santos knows quite what to make of Spangles–he seems tentative.
Lisa: Well, Jessie, Santos hasn’t yet faced a female competitor. The Mexican Wrestling Alliance has only recently opened itself to unisex competition.
Jessie: I see. Santos offers his hand, and they shake.
Chad: Kick ‘er! Kick ‘er while she’s–ah, nuts.
Bob: You WOULD advocate poor sportsmanship.
Chad: I advocate winning! And a cheap shot can make a BIG difference.
Jessie: The two start circling, and a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Santos with an armdrag, Spangles back on her feet quickly. The move in, another tie-up– another arm drag! Santos showing great speed!
Bob: But Spangles right back up both times. She’s quite a competitor, wouldn’t you say, Mr. President?
Shoemaker: Oh, absolutely. She’s definitely got the athletic skill to keep up with anybody.
Jessie: Spangles and Santos tie up again, and this time it’s Spangles with a fireman’s carry into an arm bar! Santos struggling to get leverage, and gets back to his feet. Spangles holds that arm bar–he rolls back, flips forward, and reverses it! Spangles re-reverses, steps over, and sends Santos over and back down!
Bob: She’s really bearing down on that arm! She’s keeping him grounded.
Chad: Enjoy it while it lasts, sugar! He won’t stay down long!
Shoemaker: And you would enjoy that?
Chad: Oh, uh, of course not, sir! I’m just, well…speculating.
Jessie: Santos back to his feet now–he snaps Spangles over, releasing the armbar. Spangles back up, and Santos with a perfect dropkick, to send her right back to the canvas.
(The two trade holds and technical moves for a few minutes, evenly sharing the momentum. A flying forearm from Santos sends Spangles to the mat, and he heads for the ropes.)
Jessie: Spangles looks dazed as Santos mounts the ropes. He’s signaling to the crowd, I think he’s going for his finisher! He leaps, somersaults–
Bob: Nobody’s home! Spangles rolls aside, and Santos eats canvas!
Chad: Nuts! Uh, I mean, nuts would be a good snack right now, I’m sorta hungry–
Bob: Shut up, Chad.
Jessie: Spangles back to her feet, she’s waiting for Santos to rise–PERFECT flying dropkick sends Santos flying! She’s on top of him, hoists him up–BIG bodyslam! She follows it up with an elbowdrop!
Bob: Santos is in trouble! Spangles is pouring it on!
Jessie: She yanks Santos up, a whip to the ropes–superkick!
Bob: She’s using that martial arts knowledge to best effect!
Jessie: Spangles hauls Santos to his feet, and stands him up with a European uppercut. Santos is staggered, and she’s motioning to Andrea Cantor, her manager! Cantor hits a switch–
- A.: …—^^^ The number you have reached: 5-5-5 2-7-6-5: has been disconnected or is no longer in service.
Bob: And there it is! Low kick, middle kick, and a high kick that snaps Santos all the way over! What force!
Jessie: Spangles with a wave to the crowd, she takes a second to adjust her singlet. Now she rolls Santos to his back, and is astride him. MacGuffin for the count–one…two…THREE!!! And Spangles has defeated the Mexican champ in convincing fashion!
Michael Duffer: Here is your winner, in a time of eleven minutes and fifty-six seconds… JESSICA… SPANGLES!
Jessie: Spangles helping Santos up…they exchange a handshake and a hug, and she’s leaving the ring.
Shoemaker: I should walk her back. I’ll return in a few minutes.
Jessie: Sure thing, sir. Jessica Spangles gains a victory, and on that, fans, we’re taking a break, but we’ll be back after these important messages!
Chad: This is the match I’ve been waiting for! The Sandman is gonna destroy that no good grease monkey Chase Stern, again…
Bob: Chad! You saw it as well as I did Stern and the Sandman were pretty even till McKnight got the brass knuckles.
Chad] I keep hearing about these brass knuckles… heck… I have no idea what you’re talking about. All I saw was McKnight nearly rip off Stern’s arm with Stern own patented hold.
Jessie: Well guys, whatever happened in their previous match is inconsequential. What matters is the present.
(Five Miles Out by Mike Oldfield begins to play) And now introducing, from Bel Air, CA at 245 pounds, ‘The Cranker’ Chase Stern!): Bob: And the match is on! They lock up! Stern going for a German suplex…. but no! Sandman with a crushing elbow.
Chad: This match will be short. Haha! McKnight with a slap! And the grease monkey goes down!
Jessie: Stern seems to be in a lot of trouble, as he’s nailed with a big power bomb.
Chad: Yes! 1-2-thr…. no… somehow Stern got out.
Bob: Ooooh… McKnight goes into the ropes, and it’s a Vader Attack! Stern is definitely hurting now.
Chad: That wannabee rich boy is really regretting the rematch now! Ha! I love it! Watch what’s happening now! McKnight’s gonna get him in a BIIIG powerslam! Watch this!
Jessie: Oh, Chad, we’re watching all right.
Bob: And Stern gets out of it and nails McKnight with a lariat! Stern’s going to the ropes… but McKnight is getting the ref’s attention… Bad Boy Mark Bagwell is up on the apron, he’s gonna hit Stern with a chain! No! Stern takes it away from him! He’s got it around his foot… I don’t think McKnight knows Stern hasn’t been taken out, and bang! Stern nails him with a big round kick to the arm!
Chad: Ref! Ref!
Bob: It looks like revenge to me! and Stern puts McKnight in the cranker!!! It’s all over! The Sandman is giving up! Stern has won the rematch! Let’s get a word with him! Chase! You’ve pulled off what many are gonna consider an upset!
Chase: They say turnabout is fair play… and the Sandman has felt the Crank! The shoe was on the other foot, so to speak.
Bob: You really put that big bully in his place–(stops as Bagwell and McKnight slide out of the ring, Sid holding his shoulder.) Hey! What are you two doing here?
Sid: You punk! You worm! You call that a match? I oughtta rip you apart right here!
Chase: Bring it on! I’m not running!
Bagwell: I think what my man’s trying to say is that you just got lucky and took advantage of a situation. What happened in there was a fluke! A once in a lifetime thing! And you’d better watch your back, moneybags, ’cause me and my man McKnight will be on you when you least expect it!
Chase: Is that supposed to frighten me? Dream on! If you want some more of this, then bring it on!
(The men continue to stare one another down, as Bob slowly extracts himself from the scene.)
Bob: Uh…we’ll be back in a moment….
Danny: I’m here with the one and only J.Q. Smooth, and–
Smooth: (Swipes the mic from Danny.) Shut up, Lopez! You make me sick you greasy little puke! Shoemaker and this fed are making me absolutely sick! Where’s the competition? Where is it, huh? I want every damned wrestler in the ICWF to kiss my ass!
Fairchild: Shoemaker! Are you some kind of a moron? Did you inherit daddy’s fed like some other promoters I know of? You have, right here, the greatest single… MAN in the world today, and you haven’t set up any kind of reasonable competition for him! Look at him! Look at these lovely women! This man deserves better!
Smooth: Maybe I’ll have to beat on you if you don’t give me anyone to wrestle, Shoemaker. What am I supposed to do here? Wrestle my enemies? I have no enemies! Everybody loves me! Women are awed by my physique and aura of power, and men are awed by… my physique and aura of power, plus the fact I can kick their butts from here to next Tuesday! Why are you here with me, Katherine? Do you hope I can support you in the long run, settle down, raise a family?
Katherine: What? Oh, J.Q., you told me this was just a fling! I just want your love, honey!
Smooth: What about you, Rachel, baby?
Rachel: I don’t know, J.Q… I’ve been having doubts. Your love could be too much for me.
Smooth: What? What was that? Did I hear that right? Hey, Floyd! Pretty Boy! Get this pathetic, unworthy member of the inferior sex the hell out of my sight right NOW!
<J.Q. stands by as Floyd Fairchild escorts Rachel out of the arena.
Smooth: Are you still with me, Katherine? Am I going to be betrayed again?
Katherine: Oh… no, no, definitely no.
Smooth: No WHAT?
Katherine: No, sir!
Smooth: That’s better. You see, ICWF, I have power over everyone, and I’ll take anyone on at anytime! Shoemaker, I’m challenging you! Make the match. Do the deed. Hey, Katherine, what can he do if he doesn’t?
Katherine: Kiss your ass, J.Q.!
Smooth: Let’s go, honey.
Danny: Uh, back to you, Jess.
Jessie: Thanks, Danny. This next match is another special exhibition match arranged by the ICWF and The European Wrestling Alliance, the EWA.
Chad: I hear these people are tough and never stop. We’ll see. The Pain Sisters are not shrinking violets. They definitely are in it for the duration.
Bob: That’s right Chad. But these European champions are nothing to be ignored.
Chad: Just the opposite of you.
Jessie: Okay kiddies. Let’s go to Mike Duffer.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen. This next match is a one fall special exhibition, with a 30 minute time limit. Entering the ring, from Novosibirsk, Russia, at a combined weight of 426 lbs., the husband and wife European Tag-team Champions, Ivan and Nicola Stoyanovich. (A powerful-looking man and equally strong looking woman enter, wearing black tights. She also wears a red crop-top and both wear knee-high boots. They strut around the ring, flexing their arms and chests. As they strut, the crowd responds with louder boos.)
Now entering the ring, (“Killer Queen” blares over the PA system as two muscular women run down the aisle, receiving cheers, which they are not used to hearing. Both wear deep purple tights, matching sport bras and silver boots.) accompanied by Karin Kleger, the former German Women’s’ Champion, from Eden, NC, at a combined weight of 326 lbs., Nikki and Rikki, The Pain Sisters. The referee is Donna Quinn, former NCAA Wrestling Champion.
Jessie: Well guys, what do you think? They do look pretty tough.
Chad: Yeah, they do, I hope the Pain Sisters can take care of business. These two are no taller than the sisters, but God are they bigger.
Bob: Geez, I hate to say this, but Chad’s right. The Pain Sisters will have their hands full with these two. Just like the ’83 Bucs with the Colts.
Chad: Hey, the Colts and the dolts.
Jessie: Yeah, those Russians do look bad. I hate to say it, but the sisters could be outmuscled tonight. I do know the Russians are slow. They depend entirely on their strength. But both have won singles titles in Europe. Here’s the bell. Ivan starts against Nikki. They lockup and he clamps on a side headlock, dragging her around the ring. Turns away from Donna and a hard shot to her face. Donna caught him and counts. He smashes her face again and releases at 4. Nikki dazed and he pushes her into the ropes, drives a knee into her belly, again and a third before Donna breaks it up. All one-sided so far.
Chad: The girls need me as their manager. They should get rid of that German has-been.
Jessie: Chad, I don’t see any girls up there. Those are women, real women, and don’t you forget it! Ivan throws Nikki into his corner and follows her in with a knee to her gut. But Nicola has that tag line around Nikki’s throat, pulling hard. Here comes Rikki, but Donna stops her. Meanwhile both Russians pummel Nikki with kicks and punches, and Nicola choking her with that rope. Finally Donna moves in and breaks it up.
Chad: We definitely need new refs in the ICWF. Is Shoemaker dating this Quinn? Is that why she keeps working here?
Bob: Chad, do you still like getting paid each week? And it’s Mr. Shoemaker to you!
Jessie: Ivan grabs Nikki’s hair and throws her into the ropes. He kicks her as she bounces back and she’s down like a rock. I’ve never seen the Pain Sisters hurt like this. He pulls her up and lifts her for a big bodyslam. Oh my, that had to hurt. Nikki’s rolling in pain. Ivan picks her up and throws her to Nicola who nails her with a quick jab to her head. They’ve got her trapped again and Donna’s having a hard time breaking it up.
Chad: Hang on Jessie, here comes Rikki. She dropkicks Ivan over the top rope and smashes a forearm into Nicola. She grabs Nikki and throws her to her own corner, then levels Nicola with another forearm to her throat. She’s down gagging. Rikki jumps out of the ring, gets the tag and comes in legally. But Donna’s still counting on Ivan. He finally gets back in at 17. Rikki greets him with a front headlock and wham! A perfect kneelift, sending Ivan ass over teakettle. Oh god, I’m sorry, I can’t say that.
Jessie: I’ll take over. She’s got him up and throws Ivan into the ropes. A great clothesline as he comes off. Rikki pulls him up and lifts him for her powerslam, but Nicola snuck in and pulled her hair. Rikki lost her balance and fell backward with Ivan on top. She’s pinned, there’s the count, but she has a shoulder up at 2. Nikki now jumps off the top rope and kneedrops Ivan’s left knee. WOW! He’s rolling in pain as Rikki gets up and tags Nikki. Nikki runs in and grabs that leg, twisting it into a step-over-toehold. Maybe the sisters know a weakness about them. He tries to inch his way to Nicola, but Nikki pulls him back and reapplies the hold. She’s really twisting that knee and pushing down on it. Donna’s asking if he quits, but, wait, here comes Nicola and she kicks Nikki in the head. Wow, she goes down hard and Ivan crawls back and tags Nicola. Nicola runs in and pulls up Nikki and clamps on a bearhug. God, she’s got Nikki off the mat waving her around. Nikki’s in pain as Nicola eases up, then applies even more pressure. Look at her grinning. I heard the French Champion, Emile LePew, quit after seven minutes of her bearhug. Nikki’s trying to reach the ropes, but Nicola just carries her around, shaking her like a ragdoll.
Chad: Punch her throat or headbutt her!
Jessie: I doubt if she can hear you. Hey, what do you know? Nikki headbutt Nicola, then again, and a third time and Nicola finally dropped her. Nikki dazed her with those butts. She makes it back to tag Rikki. Her sister comes in and dropkicks Nicola into a corner and then rams a shoulder into her belly. But it didn’t faze the big Russian. She grabs Rikki’s arm and throws her across the ring into a corner. Wow, Rikki slammed hard into the turnbuckle. Nicola grabs her again and another throw into the opposite corner. Rikki bounces off the turnbuckle and falls. Nicola goes for the bearhug, but Rikki jabs her throat and follows with a headbutt. Hey, if it works, keep it up. Nicola lets go and Rikki pulls her hair putting her in a front headlock. A big kneelift to the Russian’s head and she falls back against the ropes. Rikki grabs her hair and rubs her face and eyes along the rope while Donna chases them, trying to stop Nicola rubbing her face in pain, but Rikki grabs her hair and rams her face into a turnbuckle. Three times before Donna steps in. Maybe this is the only way to win against these monsters. Rikki picks Nicola up and drops her across her knee. That has to hurt.
Bob: She’s got her up again and another backbreaker across the knee. Ivan runs in and knees Rikki in the back as she tries to pin Nicola. Rikki rolls away in pain and Nicola gets over to tag Ivan. He comes in and pushes Rikki into the ropes. But before he can punch her, she drops and moves around behind him, picks him up and falls back in a perfectly executed belly-to-back suplex. Ivan lands hard and is dazed, and Rikki pulls him up and delivers another suplex. She’s trying to drive him through the mat. She should pin him and get this over.
Chad: Not the Pain Sisters. They have a big point to make. If they really beat up these champions, then they feel the ICWF should give them a shot at the World Tag-team belts.
Jessie: Maybe, but Ivan is getting away; no, Rikki grabs him and throws him to Nikki, who greets him with a boot to the gut. Now Nicola comes in and Rikki flips her with a hip toss and elbow drop to her head. Nikki has Ivan up and powerslams him on top of Nicola. She pulls him up and another slam. She follows with an elbow drop to his gut. Nikki’s using Ivan for presses as she lifts him up and a third powerslam. Rikki, meanwhile, has Nicola bouncing off turnbuckles and kicking her belly. She’s turning that chiseled abdomen into mush, delivering cruel kicks and fists, as Nicola slowly crumbles in the corner. Nikki pulls Ivan’s hair and throws him over the top rope, onto the wooden platforms covering the concrete floor at ringside. He’s completely out of it.
Chad: Now they should concentrate on Nicola.
Jessie: She’s begging for mercy and the crowd is yelling to keep punishing her. Donna tries to stop this as Nicola is not the legal wrestler in the ring. But she’ll do since her great partner is out cold. Nikki leaves and Rikki puts her in a standing headscissors and here it comes. Wow, a great piledriver! Did you see how Nicola’s head popped out and she just bounced off the mat? She applies another and another piledriver. Some people are yelling for a “fivedriver”. But Rikki picks up Nicola. The big Russian is just a lump now and Rikki’s having fun with her. A European uppercut and Nicola barely moves. She looks finished; her mouth is hanging open and her eyes are glazed. I don’t think she knows where she is. Now Rikki is lifting her onto her shoulders. She’s got Nicola sitting on her shoulders. We’ve not seen this before. Rikki walks toward Nikki, who’s on the top rope. Holy smokes! Nikki flies off the top rope and clotheslines Nicola, driving her off Rikki’s shoulders into the mat. She is out cold. Rikki with a big splash and there’s the count, 1……….2……….3, and that’s it. The Pain Sisters have won a tough match against the husband and wife European Champions.
Ring Announcer: The winners at 19:47, Nikki and Rikki, The Pain Sisters. (the crowd cheers as they wave, but then quickly snarl at the fans, who love it and boo, cheer and growl back). They each grab one of Nicola’s arms, twist them into armbars, then kick her chest sending her into the ropes. Then Nikki grabs her hair, applying a front headlock and choke, while Rikki climbs the top rope and jumps off, dropping an elbow into Nicola’s back. They both kick the prone body, then strut over to Danny Lopez.
Jessie: Danny Lopez is in the ring with the sisters.
Danny: Thanks Jessie. Nikki, Rikki, they really gave you a hard time tonight.
Nikki: Yeah, but we won ’cause we’re the best. You hear that Shaw an’ Perry? We’re the best an’ we want real matches against ranked wrestlers. We want Foster and Moron, or the Body Girls, the Snakes, Leather an’ Lace, anybody!
Danny: Rikki, do you think the other wrestlers in the ICWF are a little scared to take you on?
Rikki: Sure looks it. Nikki an’ me was talkin’ about this an’ no one wants to wrestle us. Maybe we’ll go to Russia or someplace where real talent is appreciated. We could really clean up against them Russkis. Hey, you didn’t say anything about that last move, the big clothesline. We learned it from Bambi and Jeri. They showed us an’ we practiced with them.
Danny: Yes, it was impressive. Surely you wouldn’t leave the ICWF.
Nikki: Why not; an’ don’t call me Shirley. Ha-ha-ha-ha, I’ve wanted to use that for a long time. Yeah, we would go. Ain’t much action here. We only get these bums or foreigners who think they can beat us. Hell, we’d do better fightin’ bears in the Great Smoky Mts in NC, up near Boone.
Rikki: This kind of stuff keeps us fit, but we need some real matches, the kind where we have to really fight hard to survive an’ then kick butt all over the ring. We got other moves we’re practicin’ so we’ll ready if anyone ever wants to fight us.
Danny: You mean this was easy tonight? It sure didn’t look it. What other moves do you have?
Nikki: It wasn’t easy, but we knew we would win. They was strong, but had nothin’ in the head an’ no speed. They was outclassed by We ain’t tellin’ ya none of our new moves an’ holds. Now we gotta go an’ clean up.
Rikki: Wait, I have something else. Quinn, if you can’t move no better than that, get out of our way. You seemed to break up our holds, but let them keep beatin’ on us for hours. We wanta talk to you about this. You really stink as a ref and you show favorites in the ring.
Danny: Thank you, ladies. I really don’t agree with that about Donna Quinn.
Rikki: So what! Who cares what you think? Get lost!
Jessie: Thanks Danny. Well guys, I think the sisters have a real beef with the ICWF. They get to wrestle everyone but our champions and ranked wrestlers.
Chad: It’ll come and when it does, these two will go through them all like the 49ers through the ’84 Bucs.
Bob: Now wait a minute, we…..
Chad: Stunk up the place.
Jessie: (Laughing) You guys are great; not too smart, but just great. And I agree, they will win a lot; oh yeah, and the 49ers did go through those Bucs with ease and great impunity. (both Chad and Bob scratch their heads). Now to Danny Lopez with a special interview.
(Danny stands with Yoshiko Kage at the interview platform.)
Danny: Fans, we’ve all been hoping to hear more from the enigmatic superstar from the orient, Yoshiko Kage, and I’ve got her here for an interview. Yoshiko, it’s good of you to join us.
Yoshiko: (Nods and smiles.) Thank you, Danny-san. It is a pleasure to be here with you and the fans.
Danny: Yoshiko, you had some strong words for Nabiki Yen earlier in the show. I take it you don’t approve of her tactics.
Yoshiko: No, I do not. She–
(The crowd screams as Nabiki appears through a nearby entrance, with her bodyguard, Andrew. Yoshiko is totally unaware as Nabiki catches her from behind with a superkick, sending her sprawling across the platform. Nabiki swipes the mic, and says,)
Nabiki: She makes me sick! She’s weak.. just like all the others in my country… they are so nice and civil… I had to break out of that mold and make a name for myself in THIS country… I am the best Japanese wrestler in the ICWF and I will prove it! Correct?
Andrew nods: Nabiki: We will teach you a lesson you will not soon forget!
(She and her bodyguard cut and run as Susan James’ gang appears and swarms onto the stage.)
Danny: Uh, let’s go to a commercial while we sort this out!
Jessie: Okay, coming up next “Rocker” Ray Radford takes on the big Jax. This should be a great matchup.
Chad: Mark my words. Jax will tear this rock ‘n roll freak limb from limb. There’s no way the prettyboy can stand up to the awesome power of Jax!
Bob: Well, granted, Jax is a big guy…
Chad: Try REALLY big, Brodsky.
Bob: …A REALLY big guy, but the “Rocker” ain’t no pushover either.
Lisa: This is Radford’s first big test in the ICWF though. So far he’s only met “Danger” Will Robinson in his debut, as well as teaming up with his friends in Wildside for the six man tag tournament. This is the first time he faces one of the ICWF’s superstars one on one. Still, Ray was trained by one of the best. “Terrible” Terry James who used to wrestle in the fifties and sixties. Coincidentally, Radford’s manager, Susan James, is the daughter of “Terrible” Terry.
President Shoemaker: I’m impressed, Lisa. You seem to know a lot about all these wrestlers’ histories.
Lisa: Well, it’s my job, sir. I haven’t been able to find out a whole lot about Jax though, although I’m working on it.
Jessie: Okay, the Michael Duffer is ready in the ring. Take it away Michael!
Michael Duffer: The following match is for one fall with a 25 minute time limit. Making his way down the aisle, weighing in at 375 pounds…..
(“Hard as a Rock” by AC/DC begins to blare from the PA as a huge man emerges from the entrance. The crowd immediately starts booing loudly.)
Michael Duffer: Here is the MASTER of DISASTER……JAAAAAAAAAAAXXXX!!!
(Jax makes his way down the aisle with a snarl on his face, threatening some fans who boo him on the way.)
Michael Duffer: And his opponent…Being led down the aisle by his manager, Susan James. Weighing in at 263 pounds and hailing from Los Angeles, California…..
(“I love Rock ‘n Roll” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts blasts from the PA system and the crowd immediately switch from boos to cheers)
Michael Duffer: The one… the only…. “ROCKER”…. RAY…. RAAAADFOOOOORD!!!
(Ray wears black wrestling boots, black tights with white stripes down the sides. He’s also wearing a black leather jacket with ROCKER on the back in white and dark shades. He blasts through the curtain and sprint to the ring and straight at Jax. Susan James is following to the ring at a normal pace)
Jessie: WHOA! Ray Radford not content to wait for the bell here tonight. The Rocker is taking the action straight to the big man, who seems caught by surprise! Radford whips Jax hard to the corner, and Jax comes back, but he catches an elbow in the kisser! And a punch to the gut sends the big man to his knees! Ray with a kick to the midsection, and Jax is reeling here! I don’t think he expected this from Radford.
Bob: Radford is doing just what he has to. He needs to keep this big monster off-balance.
Jessie: Jax back to his feet now, and he catches a BIG swinging punch to the face by Radford!
Chad: Closed fist! Disqualify him, ref!
Jessie: Big dropkick sends Jax to the ropes, and Radford sets up for a backdrop, but Jax leapfrogs over and connects with a backward kick at Radford! Jax tries to slap Radford, but Ray blocks it and sends Jax to the ropes! Clothesline MISSED by Radford! Both men off the ropes again and Jax hits Radford with a BIG shoulderblock! Jax pulls him back up and goes for a facerake, but Ray blocks it and NAILS Jax with another big swinging punch! This one is a BRAWL!
Chad: Don’t expect too much scientific mumbo jumbo from these two. This one could get ugly before it’s over!
Bob: You’d _love_ that, wouldn’t you, Romero?
Chad: Of course. Watching Radford get torn apart is gonna be great!
President Shoemaker: Radford throws Jax to the ropes again, and connects with a big chop as the big man comes back!
Lisa: Jax grabs Radford and simply tosses him into a corner….AVALANCHE!
Bob: OUCH! That musta hurt! Reminds me of when I was playing for the bucs and…
Chad: WHATever, Dopesky. We’re not INTERESTED! Jax lifting Radford into the air now..BIG backbreaker! HAH! Take that, you rock ‘n roll freak!
Jessie: Jax in control here now. Radford is holding his back in pain and Jax is grinning evilly….He’s going for a Vader attack, but Ray stops it with a punch to the gut! Radford tries to whip Jax to the ropes. Reversal by the big man, but Radford comes back with a CLOTHESLINE which staggers Jax! Another BIG swinging punch by the Rocker! Jax is stunned, and Radford is hoisting him into the air…BACKBREAKER! That’s payback Ray Radford style!
Chad: Jax back up again though, and Radford whips him to the ropes again… HAH! Put your head down too early sucker!
Jessie: Radford going for the backdrop, but Jax leapfrogging and nailing him with another backward kick! Headlock takedown by Radford, but Jax powers his way back up! He’s hoisting Ray into the air and placing him on the turnbuckle! He climbs up….SUPERPLEX by Jax! Both men down, and referee Danny Davis is laying down the count….Jax gets up and so does Ray, and they’re right at each other’s throats again! European uppercut sends Jax staggering! Radford follows up, but Jax grabs him and turns him around! TOMBSTONE, and Radford is rolling around in pain! Jax isn’t taking advantage of it though! The fans are booing, and he’s shouting at them!
Chad: Don’t do that, Jax! Take out the punk in the ring!!
Bob: Radford back to his feet now, and he runs off the ropes! Jax sees him though and ducks the clothesline! Ray back off the ropes, and a shoulderblock stuns big Jax! Reverse neckbreaker by Radford, nicely executed!
Lisa: Both men up again. Jax grabs Radford and powers the smaller man up in a gorilla press!
President Shoemaker: My goodness! This man is really a monster!
Jessie: Jax dumps Radford like a bad habit! He pulls him back up…DDT! Legdrop across the back of Radford’s neck! POWERSLAM by Jax!! And we have the first pin attempt of this fight! Only a two count as Radford gets his shoulder up. Jax pulls Radford up…PILEDRIVER! Jax completely in control now. Another gorilla press! And a bodyslam! How much more of this can Radford take?
Chad: Not much more! Give up ya freak!
Bob: Ray Radford isn’t a quitter, Romero.
Chad: Then he’s stupid.
Bob: Romero, I oughtta….
Jessie: Boys, behave yourselves! Jax runs at the ropes, and Radford is back up. Ray misses with a shoulderblock, and Jax misses with a clothesline! Jax off the ropes again, and Radford misses another shoulderblock. They lock up, and Radford puts Jax in an armbar!
Bob: Jax powers his way to the ropes, and Ray has to let go. A dropkick sends the big man down though!
Chad: Rock ‘n roll freak tries a bodyslam, but Jax uses his bigger size to block it! Jax pushes Radford to the ropes, and now he’s choking the chump with those same ropes! I LOVE IT!
Bob: You’re disgusting!
Jessie: The ref laying down the count, and Jax breaks at the count of three, and he goes straight back to the rope choke! A four count and Jax breaks it again. Radford is clutching his throat in pain!
Chad: This is GREAT! Jax is _my_ kinda wrestler!
Jessie: Jax trying a belly-to-back suplex, but an elbow to the face puts an end to that plan. Radford with an double underhook PILEDRIVER! That’s GOTTA hurt! Radford trying for a backbreaker, blocked by Jax!
(The brawl continues with high spots like Jax chokeslamming Radford on the concrete and Radford nailing Jax with a bulldog from the top rope. Both men try to execute their signature moves, but both manage to block the attempts. It’s an all-out fight with no quarter asked and none given. Neither man willing to give up. We rejoin the action in the nineteenth minute.)
Jessie: Radford is looking really beat by now! Both men are busted open, but Ray looks worse for wear. The big man setting him up, and there it is! The TNT! COVER! ONE! TWO! THR…. SHOULDER UP! Radford got the shoulder up and Jax CANNOT BELIEVE IT!
Chad: SLOW COUNT! IT WAS A SLOW COUNT! IT MUST HAVE BEEN!
Bob: It was NOT! Jax looks furious though, and he’s pulling Radford to his feet. He’s going for a bulldog, but Ray BLOCKS IT! BIG ROUNDHOUSE RIGHT LAYS JAX OUT FLAT ON HIS BACK! Radford too hurt to capitalize on it though, and Jax gets back up.
Chad: Jax tosses the punk through the ropes! ALRIGHT! NOW we get some fun!
Lisa: OUCH! Jax tosses Radford RIGHT into those steel steps! And a vertical suplex for good measure before he slides back in the ring.
Jessie: The ref laying down the count, but Radford gets back in, and Jax pulls him to his feet.
Jessie: These two have been brawling without stop for 20 minutes straight! They must be exhausted! Both men are bleeding. Jax whips Radford at the ropes, but ray reverses it! Jax comes back off the ropes with an elbow which sends Ray staggering, and a chop sends Radford to the mat! Ray back to his feet, and he staggers into a corner…..Jax charging, but Radford NAILS him with a kick to the head! Jax just staggered a bit though. He tries to get Ray into a Sammartino backbreaker, but the Rocker blocks Ray tries to nail a backbreaker…blocked!
Bob: Jax tries a vertical suplex, but Ray blocks it! He hoists Jax up and places him on the turnbuckle, then follows up himself….CRASH ‘N BURN! (superplex) HE NAILED IT! ONE! TWO! THR… KICKOUT!
Jessie: This time it’s Radford who can’t believe his own eyes! How much more can any of these two men take? This has been absolutely BRUTAL! Jax whipped to the buckle by Radford, and Radford charges, but there’s NOONE HOME! Ray hits that corner hard! Jax with a facerake followed by a gutwrench suplex! Jax running off the ropes…BUT RAY SENDS HIM FLYING OVER THE ROPES WITH A BIG BACKDROP!
President Shoemaker: Radford follows Jax to the outside, but the big man is back up to his feet.
Chad: Vertical suplex on the concrete! Tilt-a-whirl suplex! I LOVE THIS! Jax is FANTASTIC!
Bob: You’re a sick man, Romero.
Chad: Who cares what you think, Dopesky?
Jessie: Settle down, boys. Jax back in the ring now, breaking the count, and Ray is right on his heels. Both these men look dead on their feet right now! Jax lifts Radford up and places him on the turnbuckle….SUPERPLEX! Ray is in big pain, but Jax isn’t going for the pin! This may be a mistake! He pulls Ray up and tries to get him into a suplex, but Radford BLOCKS IT AND TURNS IT INTO A BIG POWERSLAM! Jax looks completely stunned! Ray picks the big man up…He places him on the turnbuckle….He follows him up…
Chad: Oh no…No..Do something, Jax! Anything! Kick him in the groin! Thumb him in the eye! DO SOMETHING!
Jessie: CRASH AND BURN, and he NAILED that one! The cover! One! Two! THREE!
Chad: Aaaw man! Why is this happening to me?
Bob: To you??
Chad: I had money on Jax, and he lost. Why ME??
Bob: You deserve it for setting a bad example to the kiddies by gambling. Shame on you, Brodsky!
Chad: Oh, please DO shut up!
Jessie: Let’s go to Michael Duffer for the official word.
Michael Duffer: The winner of this match in 24 minutes and 1 seconds… RRRROCKER… RRRAAAY… RRRRRRAAAAADFOOOOORRRRD!!!
(“I love Rock ‘n Roll” By Joan Jett and the Blackhearts start up as the fans go ballistic)
Lisa: Let’s see if Sam can get a word with the winner.
(The camera cuts to the interview platform where Sam is standing with a microphone as Ray and Susan walk over to him. Ray has wiped most of the blood off his face and is pressing a piece of cloth against a cut on his forehead)
Sam: YEEEEEE-HAAAAAAW!!! That was a brawl an’ a half, Ray! Congratulations on yer victory!
Ray: Thanks, Sam. I can safely say it’s one of toughest and most brutal matches I have ever fought.
Sam: Sure was. Y’all looked like you was gonna get pinned there when Jax managed to nail the TNT, but y’all didn’t give up, and ya came back and won in the end.
Ray: Yeah. If there’s one thing “Terrible” Terry taught me it’s that you don’t give up until you’re unconscious or dead. That attitude served me well tonight. Jax, you’re a hell of a fighter. Strong as an ox, and twice as mean as a hungry pitbull, but it’ll take more than that to take out the Rocker! And this is just the beginning baby! I intend to make a straight line up the rankings and grab myself a title belt!
Susan: Look out, anyone with a belt, because “Rocker” Ray Radford is coming for ya! You want tough? You want rough? You want a hell of a fight! Well, this is the man to give ya all of that, so come on down to the squared circle anyone who want to feel like they’ve REALLY be in in a fight, cause ray here has an open contract, and he don’t back down from ANYONE!
Ray: Bottom line! Like Jax found out tonight I’ll go the distance, and when the end comes you’re gonna CRASH AND BURN!
(Ray and Susan leave the platform)
Sam: Ah’ve only got one thing ta say ta that….YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAH! Back ta y’all, Jessie.
Jessie: Okay, fans. Next up is Vixxxen versus “Mega Daddy Kewl” MegaDiesel. Chad, what’s your take on this match-up?
Chad: Mega Daddy Fool made a big mistake making an open challenge, and now he’s got Vixxxen to worry about. I see her winning before 10 minutes.
Ring Announcer: LLLLLadies and Gentlemen, this is our next match up. First…(Vixxxen’s ring music starts.) Accompanied to the ring by her manager, the Kingpin…here is VIXXXEN!!!
(A few cheer, but the marks are booing. Her ring music ends…some bluesy music interrupted with a truck horn plays.)
Now…from the Gangsta’s Paridise…317 lbs…Here is “Mega Daddy Kewl”….MEGADIESEL!!!!!
(Big pop for the big man, mostly from the marks.)
Bob: Whoa, my! A great greeting for the man who beat adversity to become a ICWF super-star!
Chad: Superstar? Replace that with “Jobber”.
Bob: Can’t you be nice?
Jessie: Lisa, can you give us any info on Mega Daddy Kewl? What’s his story?
Lisa: We’re all aware of his college football credentials, but why he chose wrestling rather than entering the pro draft still baffles a lot of people. Football’s loss is wrestling’s gain, though, as he’s accumulated an impressive won/lost ratio wherever he’s gone.
Jessie: Okay, they lock up…axhandle chop by Vixxxen, and she stunned Mega. She goes for the spinning DDT, hits it! Cover One…Two…Thr…kickout.
Bob: Tilt-A-Whirl Suplex…No! Enzuilariato by MDK, BIG right hand! Pin…1…kickout.
Chad: Too early,Megski.
Bob: Too early,Vixxxie.
Lisa: Front facelock…Vixxxen slips out, reverse neckbreaker and Mega is hurt!
Bob: She’s choking him! Stop her,ref!
Bob: Vixxxen goes to the tilt-a-whirl again…ANOTHER ENZUILARIATO!
Chad: She’s hurt now. Talk about your see-saw match-ups! Flying chop by Mega, European uppercut!
Jessie: MDK sets for a bulldog…no! Thrown off! Dropkick! Another…NO! Sidestep by Mega!
Chad: Northern Lights Suplex, cover 1..kick out. Russian leg sweep, right hand–block by Vixxxen, reverse neckbreaker! The tide has turned again! Another choke by Vixxxen, lets it go at 3. Another dropkick, AND ANOTHER SIDESTEP BY MEGADIESEL!
Bob: Northern lights suplex! Cover…1…2…kickout! MD has weakened Vixxxen greatly!
Chad: Vixxxen has MegaDiesel worn down also!
Jessie: Spin kick to the head was missed, Irish whip by Mega, reversal…kick! Kick to the thigh…double underhook backbreaker…and a flying legdrop!
Chad: Hehehe..you mean the “Hulk-Buster”!
Bob: True. Cover…1…Mega gets his shoulder up. Mega’s down…Vixxxen climbs the ropes…Mega’s UP! Punch in the gut, and she’s HURT!
Chad: Faceslam by MDK,throws himself into the ropes, but runs into an elbow! Tries for a neck-scissors…NO GOOD! A double-underhook piledriver!
Bob: MegaDiesel calls that the “MegaDrop”.
Chad: He has a one track mind.
Bob: Both are up…Mega runs into the ropes…running punch!
Chad: Mega’s trying the gorilla press…No! Cradle! 1…2…Rolls it over!! 1…2…kickout!
Bob: Mega’s in the ref’s face!
Mega: WHAT THE HELL! I HAD HER FOR A 6 COUNT! THE SUITS STILL HATE MEGA DADDY KEWL!
Jessie: Mega’s pissed now. Attempt at the faceslam…no! Attempt for the Belly-To-Back by Vixxxen, but Mega just used his elbow to smash her away!
Chad: Another chop by Mega, a savate kick…and a bulldog!
Jessie: Irish whip by Mega…reverse…Yakuza kick! And a DDT! A kick to the head! We’re at 9:11. Irish whip by Vixxxen, has her head for a back- body drop….NO! She’s set for The Mega-Knife, but she weaseled out.
Chad: Thank God! She doesn’t deserve that kind of punishment.
Bob: Well, she took a pen and signed a contract. If that’s what happens, well, that’s what happens.
Chad: Mega smacks her with that right elbow….a big right roundhouse! She’s down…1..2..kickout!
Bob: MegaDiesel’s in the corner resting…he’s playing with the crowd… VIXXXEN IS UP! DROPKICK ON MEGADIESEL! IRISH WHIP INTO THE CORNER!
Jessie: Vixxxen charges in, but no one there! Another Right hand by Mega! Mega runs into the ropes…Frankensteiner…no! Reversed into a power-bomb! Cover…1…2..kickout!
Bob: Double Axhandle by Vixxxen, jumping DDT attempt–NO! Blocked!
Jessie: Vixxxen righted back at it. An uppercut floors Mega, pin–1…shoulder up.
Chad: ANOTHER KICK BY VIXXXEN!
Jessie: These athletes are strapped. Another chop, missed the jumping DDT… Flying legdrop! 1…2…kickout.
Bob: A few punches by Mega, AND A GORILLA PRESS! Irish Whip…BBBIIIIGGG back body drop!
Jessie: She’s on the outside, gets in at the count of 6. Another kick by MD…another bulldog…FLYING CHOP!
Bob: Cover 1..2..kickout!
Bob: Axhandle by Mega, SLINGSHOT AND A FACE SLAM!
Jessie: Mega’s down, attempt for a avalanche…NO! Mega’s up quick and a kick!
Bob: Incredible agility by a 317 lb. man!
Chad: Belly to back by Vixxxen…NO! Elbowsmash…kick to the gut….
Bob: IT’S TIME FOR THE MEGA-KINFE POWERBOMB!!!!! 1…2…3!!!!!!!
::Ding Ding! The Bluesy Music plays.
RA: The Winner…at 12:38 by pinfall…MEGADIESEL!
Jessie: Wait, what’s happening…Kingpin’s throwing Vixxxen’s whip to her–she’s got MegaDiesel around the neck! She’s choking him down!
Bob: This is disgusting! MegaDiesel fighting back, but here’s Gretchen Gwynne and Fury to help out! BIG boot from Stewart Zents to Mega Daddy Kewl, and he’s down! Vixxxen’s still got that whip around his throat!
Chad: Hah! I love it! This big goof’s gettin’ his!
Jessie: Vixxxen’s releasing him, and the others have him spread out on the mat. (CRACK!) Oh! She’s putting the leather to him! (CRACK!) Oooh! Another lick! (CRACK!) And another!
Chad: Boyohboy I can’t WAIT for this replay!
Jessie: (CRACK! CRACK!) Vixxxen’s really venting her frustrations on him–wait! They’re scattering like roaches as Feminine Force and the Queens hit the ring! They’re helping MegaDiesel to stand as the Kingpin and his cronies come to the podium!
Danny: Kingpin, what was that all about?
Kingpin: Control! Danny, that was a lesson in control! See, he thought he HAD some by getting a cheap victory, but we showed him that he had NONE. And any time he wants another lesson, he’ll mess with one of my people!
(The group storms off as MegaDiesel is helped from the ring.)
Bob: Okay, folks, we’ve got a match that’s been brewing ever since the three-man tag tournament. We’ve got the newcomers The Dogs of War taking on SWAT.
Chad: And I’m looking forward to seeing the Dogs tear SWAT into little tiny pieces. It’s about time those two losers were booted from the ICWF.
Jessie: One of those ‘losers’ is a former U.S. Champion, Romero.
Chad: And who beat her for that belt, James? My wrestler, the Spanish Rose. The greatest female wrestler in this stinking fed. And that’s not the end for Rose, oh no. There’s plenty more where that came from. Just you wait…
Bob: While my co-host is rambling, I think we should go to Mike Duffer.
MD: This bout is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, to my left, making their way to ringside accompanied by their bodyguard, the Dark Paladin. From the ninth level of hell and Valhalla, and weighing in at 521 lbs., here are Cerebus and Fenris…the Dogs of War!! (pause as Mike catches his breath)
(The three massive masked muscled men make their mark as they march to the mat. The fans booing almost drowns out Metallica’s “The Four Horsemen”, which plays from the PA speakers.)
And, their opponents. Making their way to ringside accompanied by their manager “Commando” McKillen. From New York, New York, and Los Angeles, California…weighing in at 434 lbs., here are Angel and Justice…SWAT!!
(“Justice in the Barrel” by Bon Jovi plays as these three make their way to ringside.)
Chad: SWAT and the Commando enter the ring… Dark Paladin doesn’t seem to want to leave, and neither does the Commando. And we’ve got a stare down happening in the middle of the ring…hey! Maybe we’ll get to see a little unexpected three-man action!
Bob: No chance of that as both the Commando and the Paladin are reluctantly lead out of the ring. There’s the bell… and we’re starting with Justice and Cerebus in the ring. A collar and elbow tie up…and we see Cerebus showing off his strength with an easy whip to the ropes and an elbow to the former police officer.
Jessie: Justice showing her stamina and resilience by staying on her feet. Cerebus sending her into the turnbuckle…and Justice hits and bounces back. Cerebus tries for a hip toss…but Justice blocks! A Russian leg sweep by Justice and Cerebus is down. Justice pulling him up by the mask…a whip to the ropes…and a big clothesline!
Chad: And Justice lucks out with a pitiful shot that doesn’t even stagger the big man. She bends him over, hooks the arms…double underhook and over! I’d bet Justice threw out her back just trying to lift Cerebus!
Bob: And Justice with another pick-up…and she hooks in the front face lock…Miranda DDT! No, Cerebus slips out of the lock and out of the ring!
Chad: Good tactics on the part of the Dogs!
Bob: Good tactics? He ran like a scared rabbit!
Chad: Wouldn’t you, if Justice was holding you that close? Yechh!
Jessie: Cerebus back in the ring…Justice grabs him, goes for an inverted atomic drop…reversal by Cerebus and a knee to the mid-section. Cerebus lifts up Justice for a Gorilla slam…and a slip off by Justice. And a roll up! The ref counts…1…2…shoulder up!
Bob: A wonderful example of strong amateur background vs. Brute strength!
(Justice’s edge doesn’t last long, as Cerebus and Fenris try to work her over with double teams while the ref is distracted by Angel.)
Jessie: And a devastating double flying clothesline by the Dogs of War! Cerebus leaving the ring while Fenris picks Justice up off the mat. I’m surprised the ref hasn’t told these two to back off.
Chad: I’m surprised Justice hasn’t done the smart thing and given up. These two are going to break her into pieces if she doesn’t quit soon.
Bob: She’s a lot tougher than that, Chad. Remember, she used to by a New York Police officer.
Chad: Ohhh, scary. Maybe she’ll nail the Dogs with those doughnuts she’s got hidden in her jacket!
Jessie: Fenris lifting Justice into the air…spinning power bomb! A cover by the Dog…1…2…kickout by Justice!
Bob: She’s keeping SWAT’s hopes alive out there.
Chad: She’s keeping me from my date. Hurry up and squash her, already!!
Bob: It looks like Cerebus heard you, Chad. He enters to help his partner with a little two-on-one…and Angel enters the ring to break it up! The ref’s trying to get Angel out…Cerebus comes over, and gets nailed with a hard right by Angel. And another! Angel takes Cerebus…and a toss out of the ring!
Chad: Great work by the official…letting an illegal man beat up on a legal man.
Jessie: Legal? There was no tag there!
Chad: You are obviously not paying close enough attention to the match. Cerebus…
Jessie: And Justice with a back kick to Fenris! She steps in to the big man… and a hip toss! Fenris is down, the ref is preventing Cerebus from entering the ring…Justice seems to determine to get to her corner…and she does! A tag to Angel!
Chad: Cerebus pushes the referee aside and moves in cheat…I mean, dispute that illegal tag!
Bob: And he gets disputed right in the mouth as Angel greats him with a chop! And another! And another!
Jessie: But, Angel had better watch out. Fenris is the legal wrestler…
Chad: Ha! And the loser gets cut from behind by Fenris with a dropkick. That’s what you get for cheating!
(The action continues, with the Dogs of War using double teams to work over SWAT. Even though the two women get the upper hand and occasionally make pin attempts, the other Dog always enters to make a save.)
Bob: Angel has Fenris locked up in an abdominal stretch…it looks like he’s trying to reach the ropes…he makes it! Angel has to release the hold…and she does. Cerebus with a right, blocked…and Angel locks him up…front slam! It looks like Cerebus is going to have a headache in the morning!
Jessie: Angel picks up Cerebus and carries him to their corner. A tag to Justice…it looks like they’re going to set him up…Angel with a bearhug, Justice off the ropes. A clothesline by Justice! Capital Punishment!! Angel leaving the ring…
Chad: And Dark Paladin jumps up to the ring apron to protest that flagrant double team!
Bob: The only thing fragrant around here is you, Romeo.
Jessie: Justice runs over to the Paladin…the two of them having some words…a hard right by Justice! But, Cerebus is in the ring!! What’s he doing!?! He’s taking off his mask…he’s got another one underneath! It looks like Fenris’ mask. Now, Fenris is rolling out of the ring, Cerebus lying in his place…what the heck is this!?!
Bob: It’s cheating! Justice comes over for the pin…a sucker punch by Cerebus! He gets up…grabs Justice…Satanic Skull Smasher! A pin!! 1…2…3!!!
Chad: YES!!! HA HA!!! The losers are history!!
M.D.: The winners of the match…The Dogs of War!
Bob: What a travesty!! This is a total miscarriage of justice!!
Chad: Well, I’d say justice was served…a knuckle sandwich!! Ha-ha!!
Jessie: Fenris seems to have removed his mask, revealing the fire of Cerebus’ mask. The two of them now joining Dark Paladin in the ring. They’re going after Justice!! Angel in to make the save, the Commando jumping in the ring! We’ve got a brawl out there!!!
(The six wrestlers throw punches and kicks until a group of refs, jobbers and officials come down to break it up.)
Bob: Well, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of that feud.
Chad: You’re half right there, Brodsky. We gotta go to commercial, everybody. See ya in about two minutes.
Jessie: This next match will be a beaut! Both of these wrestlers will be champions. What do ya think guys?
Bob: This will be great, but I think Gregg will win after a long, tough match.
Chad: Baloney! Karla will clean his clock! The All-American Kidd will be “Dead Man Walking” after this.
Jessie: Wow, the man goes to the movies. I thought you just liked the cartoons.
Chad: After this match, Karla should be ready for a real match. She’s fought enough of these bozos.
Jessie: Let’s go to Mike Duffer.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen. This next match is one fall with a 20 minute time limit. (“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts plays loudly. The crowd starts booing and jeering as Karla starts down toward the ring. She wears a camouflage jacket, which she removes to reveal camouflage thong bikini bottom, matching crop-top, and black boots. She tosses her black beret to the crowd. Her muscular legs, arms and body look amazing in the glow of the lighting.)
Now entering the ring, accompanied by her manager, the former German Women’s’ Champion, Karin Kleger, at 179 lbs., from New York City, here’s Kommando Karla.
(“Wind Beneath My Wings” plays over the PA system.)
Now entering the ring, accompanied by his manager, Uncle Jimmy, at 235 lbs., from the Heartland of America, here’s the great All American Kidd, Gregg Thomas! (The crowd cheers wildly and he high-fives the crowd as he runs down the aisle. He wears red, white, and blue trunks and matching jacket and boots. He gives his ball cap to a kid at ringside) The referee is Donna Quinn.
Jessie: Well, they look ready for battle tonight. Look at Karla yelling.
Karla: Hey, kid, ya gonna die tonight! I’ll give ya five seconds to unass this ring! You hear me? YOU’RE DOGMEAT!
Jessie: Gee, I wonder where she got that from? Here’s the bell. They both come out fast and lock up. Gregg pushes Karla into the ropes and quickly breaks and backs away. Karla stares at him in disbelief. Lock up again and Thomas pulls her head down into a front headlock. Donna’s checking for a choke, but Gregg doesn’t choke. Wow, a smashing kneelift to Karla’s head. That shook her up and now Thomas spins her around and picks her up in a belly-to-back suplex. She’s never been dumped like that. The Kidd has it together tonight. The count, 1……….2.., and a kickout by Karla. Too early for a pin. He’ll need a lot more before that happens.
Chad: He has to do a lot more than that to beat her.
Jessie: Gregg nails her with a perfect dropkick, sending her sprawling. She’s up pretty fast, but Gregg slaps on an abdominal stretch. Boy, Karla’s in pain, but I think she’ll get the ropes. Yes, she grabbed the ropes and Thomas releases the hold. Karla’s in some pain, but comes out. They lock up and he nails her with a good kick to her belly. A headlock and hip toss sends her flat on her back. He’s pulling hard on that neck, really wrenching it good. She’s looking for the ropes and finds them, draping a leg over them. He gets up fast, ready for her. As she rises, Gregg dropkicks her into the ropes, then grabs her and lifts her for a bodyslam. Geez, he’s having a great time bouncing her all over that ring. She’s trying to get up, hanging on to the ropes, but here comes Thomas with a big elbow drop into her back. Karla’s smashed into the mat, really in pain from that vicious elbow. Thomas looks unbeatable tonight.
Bob: This should shut Chad’s mouth.
Chad: Drop dead!
Jessie: Quiet kids! Gregg lifts her and places her on the turnbuckle. Karla’s not in good shape as she just sits there like a lump. He’s up for a superplex and, no, she’s faking! Karla nails him with a headbutt, then another and Gregg backs down, holding his face. She puts on a front headlock and a tremendous kneelift sending him falling against the ropes. Karla pulls him and lifts him for a bodyslam, but wait, Thomas hits her with a European uppercut, then rolls her over onto the mat in a small package. The count, 1……….2…., she kicks out and rolls to the ropes. She’s getting up and Gregg runs into the ropes. Karla charges, but misses with an elbow, as Thomas slides and sweeps her legs out. He quickly clamps on a reverse leglock. He’s pulling back hard on both legs, really putting pressure on the knees. He reaches back and grabs her chin. This is bad now; she’s in serious pain as he pulls back on the legs and chin. Donna’s asking if she wants to quit. Karla won’t and slowly tries for the ropes. Look at that strength! She’s got it, she’s at the ropes!
Chad: That was a great look at her strength. She’ll win this, no sweat.
Jessie: But I gotta tell you, she’s getting up very slowly. She moves in and Gregg grabs her in a headlock. More pressure on that neck and head. He’s twisting that head; she’ll have a headache after this. Karla manages to throw him into the ropes. He comes off fast, but she drives a knee into his belly, then a front headlock. Now this is a choke. Oh my, a hard forearm across the back, then another and Thomas is down on one knee. Karla steps behind and clamps on a chinlock, pulling back hard. She’s vicious with this hold. And a chop across the throat for good measure. He’s hurt now and Donna makes her break. Karla’s angry and yells at Donna. She better keep her mind on the match. Gregg moves up behind her, but Karla whips around drives a foot into his gut. She quickly grabs his arm and throws him into a corner. Gregg lands hard against the turnbuckle, and she repeats it with another toss into the opposite corner. Gregg’s starting to slump after those two jolts. Krals moves in, but Donna stops her. Gregg starts to come out and Karla grabs him, pushing him into the ropes. She’s really starting to have her way. She drives a knee into his belly, then follows up with an elbow into his head. Gregg’s slumping and she slams another elbow into his head. Donna’s trying to push her away and starts counting. Karla finally backs off at 4.
Chad: She’s got him in her sights now. He really is dog meat.
Jessie: Woof woof, Chad. Karla’s glaring at Donna. There’s no love lost between these two. They lock up, but Karla pushes him into the ropes, then drives a knee into his belly. She pulls his hair and slams a double ax-handle chop to his back. He falls hard and she kicks his side. Karla pulls him up and clamps a headlock, then a huge bulldog headlock. Boy, that drove his face and head into the mat. He’s in bad shape now. She rolls him over for a pin, the count, 1……….2…., a kickout by Gregg, but he looks dazed. She pulls him up and slaps on another headlock, Gregg is hurt, but manages to throw her into the ropes. Thomas dropkicks, but she sidesteps and he lands hard. She pulls him up and lifts him high for a backbreaker. God, what a backbreaker onto her knee. He’s really in pain. Look at him rolling around.
Chad: He’s hurtin’ dog meat now. WAY TO GO KARLA!
Jessie: Please, that’s my ear you’re using for a microphone. She rolls him onto his back and clamps on a claw hold. This is new for her and it looks like she knows it cold. He’s writhing in pain, but still manages to reach the ropes. This guy is tough! But Karla has a surprise. She pulls his hair and lifts him high for a huge bodyslam. God, he bounced off the mat. She lifts him again and runs with him high, slamming him with a devastating powerslam. She’s going for the pin, 1……….2…., and he kicks out. Thomas just doesn’t quit. Karla pulls him up and throws him into, no, Gregg reverse it and throws her into the ropes. She gets nailed by a clothesline as she bounces off. She falls back and out of the ring. What a change from a minute ago. This is a real battle.
Bob: Gregg’s going up and jumps off the turnbuckle with an American Dive onto to Karla, but, holy smoke, she moves and he lands on the floor! He’s hurt and Karla slowly picks him up and throws him back into the ring. She quickly follows him in and drives a double ax-handle chop into his back. He’s down and she runs into the ropes and comes off with a mean elbow drop into his back. You know, this could be it. He looks bad. That back has to hurt.
Jessie: Karla has him up and applies a headlock. She running into a bulldog and mashes his face into the mat. Now she’s pulling him up and lifts him into a gorilla press. She is really strong and just slams him into the mat. This should really take it out of him. She pulls him up again a quick jab to his gut. He doubles over and she pulls his hair, lifting him with a chokeslam, driving him back to the mat. This is not good for the All American Kidd. She pulls him up and lifts him up high for a powerslam. She drives him into the mat and drops on him for the count. This could be it, 1……….2…, he kicks out. He’s still fighting after all that.
Chad: She’ll put him to sleep soon.
Jessie: She slaps on a headlock, squeezing his neck. She’s got that on real, wait, he’s got her up and over with a back suplex. What a move! Karla’s dazed as she was completely surprised by that move. Thomas gets up before her and pulls her up by an arm, grabs her around the waist and lifts her with a belly-to-back suplex. She goes down hard and he rolls over her for the pin; 1……….2…, she kicks out and rolls away. Gregg dropkicks her, but she ducks and he misses. She moves in as he gets up and nails him with a running forearm smash, snapping his head back. She lifts him in a fireman’s carry and falls back, landing on his chest. That took the wind out of him. She goes for the pin, 1……….2…, he kicks out. This is amazing! He is still fighting and hanging in there. Karla’s yelling at Donna about the slow count. Karla pulls him up and wraps those thick arms around his chest, squeezing his breath out. She’s trying to crack his ribs and he’s pushing hard on her chin, but she’s hanging on to this bearhug. He’s starting to go. His fight is almost gone as he’s looking limp in her arms. Oh boy, Karla has other plans as she rams his back into a corner, then driving a knee into his gut. He’s nothing more than a ragdoll now.
Karla: Give up! You ain’t got much longer in here.
Jessie: She’s yelling at him, but he doesn’t seem to hear or care. Karla pulls him up and throws him into the ropes and clothesline him as he comes off. She aims a roundhouse right, but Thomas blocks it and spins her around, lifting her for a belly-to-back suplex. This is just great the way he keeps coming back. This is one tough customer. He’s going for a pin, 1……….2…, Karla kicks out and rolls away. Thomas picks her up and tries for another belly-to-back suplex, but Karla counters with an elbow smash, then a second, into his side. He doubles over and Karla kicks him in the chest. She really planted that foot hard. She grabs his left arm, flipping him to the mat then drops a knee into the arm, really punishing him. Another kneedrop, then a third and his arm will almost be useless. She pulls him up and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a fist to his gut. Boy, that doubled him over. She pulls his hair and holds his chin as she delivers a brutal roundhouse right, knocking him back to the mat. She pulls his hair getting him onto all fours and hammers him with a double ax-handle chop to his neck. She’s definitely in control as she lifts him for a big powerslam, running and slamming him. Another hair pull and she puts him into a standing headscissors. Here it comes. She lifts him for the piledriver and delivers it perfectly, bouncing his head off the mat. He’s barely moving and Karla crawls over him for the pin. This may be it, 1……….2……….3, and there it is, Kommando Karla has won a very big and tough match. She slowly gets up and just walks back to her corner, very tired. She looks over at Gregg on the mat who’s just starting to get up. He walks over and offers to shake her hand. She’s really surprised and finally shakes it, not sure of his true intentions. This guy is just fantastic!
Ring Announcer: The winner, in 17:47, Kommando Karla!
Jessie: Danny Lopez is with the winner in the ring.
Danny: Congratulations on this big win.
Karla: Thanks Danny. It is a big win and I showed some of these geeks that I can win against really good competition. I hope some of these wrestlers that have been runnin’ from me saw what I did. Stand by cause I’ll catch you.
Danny: What did you think of The All American Kidd? He looked pretty tough in there.
Karla: Well, I hate to say it, but he is tough. I mean I did beat him bad, but he hung in there and never quit. If he weren’t such a goody-goody I’d like to team up with him for a few matches. We’re both tough as nails and could really clean house in the ICWF. That handshake really surprised me. The Kidd’s okay.
Danny: Any other matches you’d like to have?
Karla: Yeah, I’d like to face that Marauder or Moron or whatever his name is. Or maybe one of the Amazons or Snakes. Wait a minute! I’d like to face this slug Diesel first. He’s a big bozo who needs to come down some. Then I’ll go after the others. And one other thing. This Donna Quinn has gotta go. She almost cost me the match and it ain’t the first time. I’m talking to Shaw and Perry about her. Hey, Quinn, you stink and I’ll make sure you get thrown out of the ICWF.
Donna: Watch it Karla. You break rules and I try to stop you. That’s my job. You wrestle and I referee and make sure you try to stay clean. Go see whoever you want, but get out of my way when I ref.
Karla: You scum! I’ll get you! (Danny holds her back)
Danny: Take it easy, Karla. Go through the ICWF if you have a complaint.
Karla: Yeah, okay. Look I gotta go, Chad is taking me to dinner later.
Danny: Thank you, Karla. Back to you Jessie.
Jessie: Thanks Danny. Well, Chad is quite the mover. Karla looks very tough out there.
Chad: Yes and she’ll be a champion very soon. Who can stop her? Only a tank can do it.
Jessie: Now to our sponsors and then to Mike Duffer for our next match. I hope it’s half as good as this was.
(Danny Lopez is back in the locker room with Arlechino and Taskmaster.)
Danny: So, I guess the first question I should ask is are you two forming some kind of… partnership?
Ar: You could say that. (hugs Taskmaster close). I guess you might say Taskie and I have some common interests.
Task: Besides, he looks cute in leather.
Danny: Uh-huh, so, Arlechino, you’ve got a defense against Victoria tonight, herself a former champion. How do you see this match going?
Ar: Well, tonight, Danny, you’re going to see two tough competitors who both want the same thing: the gold. You’re gonna see strength vs speed and technical excellence…you’re gonna see power vs. superb science and you’re gonna see the best MAN walk out the ring with the belt, daddy-o!
Danny: I see you’re going to have Taskmaster in your corner for this match…are you expecting Diana to interfere tonight?
Ar: I know the Amazons are both skilled and honorable competitors, but I also know human nature. I’m not saying I’m expecting anything out there, but it’s better to have help and not need it that to need it and not have it.
Danny: Okay, folks, Arlechino strong and full of fire. Let’s go back to ringside.
Duffer: This next bout is a one fall contest, with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, from Cambridge, Massachusetts, led to the ring by her manager, Michael Alexander Worthington IV, weighing in at 155 pounds, “The Lethal Librarian”, Janet Lane!
Jessie: We have already seen Lane’s partner, “Doctor” Judith Joyce, come away with a victory today.
Bob: But Joyce wasn’t facing someone of the caliber of “Dynamic” Deborah Duncan! This exciting youngster is taking the ICWF by storm!
Chad: Aw, she’s had a couple of cheap victories over bums! But she’s about to get a real education in wrestling!
“What You Don’t Know” by Expose’ begins to play. The fans go wild! Duffer: And her opponent, from Stockbridge, Massachusetts, weighing in at 155 pounds, “Dynamic” Deborah Duncan!
Deborah practically bounces down the aisle to the ring, smiling and hi-fiving with the fans: Chad: Yech! That chick looks nice, but her attitude stinks!
Bob: What are you talking about Romero? It’s refreshing to see such an exuberant youngster in this sport!
Chad: Yea? Well, exuberance isn’t going to beat the Lethal Librarian!
Jessie: Lisa, how do these two women size up against one another?
Lisa: Jessie, Janet Lane and Deborah Duncan have quite a bit in common. They are almost identical in size and weight, both come from wrestling families, and both hail from the state of Massachusetts. Lane is the more technically-sound of the two, but Duncan has speed and quickness on her side.
Jessie: Have Lane and Duncan ever faced one another before?
Chad: Obviously not, because Lane would have put Duncan out of the sport!
Lisa: Oh Chad! Lane and Duncan have not met before, even though they were both born and raised and began their wrestling careers in the state of Massachusetts. Lane went to exclusive private schools, while Duncan was a public school student, so they never participated in the same wrestling events in their amateur careers.
Jessie: They may not have met before, but they are in the ring now. There’s the bell! Lane goes to lock up, but Duncan scoops her up and power slams her! Referee Donna Quinn with the count…1…2…kickout!
Bob: Duncan almost had a record-setting victory there! NOBODY has come that close to pinning Lane THAT quickly!
Jessie: Lane back to her feet, eyeing Duncan warily. Duncan closes in once more, but Lane meets her with a kick to the midsection. She slams Duncan’s head into the turnbuckle, stunning her. Lane picks Duncan up, places her on the turnbuckle, and executes a superplex! Lane with the cover… 1….2…kickout!
Chad: Lane evens the score with a near-fall of her own on “Dingbat” Debbie!
Bob: That’s “DYNAMIC” Deborah, Romero! Can’t you get anything right?
Jessie: Both wrestlers back to their feet, Duncan nails Lane with a thrust kick to the head! Lane staggers back, Duncan then hits her with a short clothesline! Duncan whips Lane into the ropes, tries to execute a side suplex but Lane blocks it and bodyslams Duncan!
Mike: I am very impressed with both of these women so far! Obviously they… his phone rings]…excuse me a moment. [answers phone] Hello? I’m not sure, but I’ll ask. Lisa, is there a Bill Budsky here?
Lisa: giggle] Perhaps you mean “Bob Brodsky”, sir?
Mike: Who is that?
Bob: somewhat flustered] I’m Bob Brodsky sir.
Mike: Oh… Well, Bud, someone backstage says that the Masked Marauder wants you to conduct an exclusive interview with him.
Bob: The champ? Tell him I’ll be right there! [scurries off to the locker room] Mike: on the phone] Yes, Bart said he’s on his way.
Chad: Why would the champ himself want Goofsky to interview him?
Jessie: Well, anything can happen here in the ICWF! And lest we forget, we do have a match we should be paying attention to. Lane and Duncan have been going back and forth for approximately five minutes now. Lane has the advantage right now, she sets Duncan up for a jack-knife power bomb, but Duncan breaks it up with a backdrop! Duncan quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Lane quickly to her feet and she catches Duncan coming down with a fist to the midsection. Duncan still on her feet, but Lane comes off the ropes and catches her with a clothesline, and Duncan is knocked over the top rope to the floor! Lane quick to take advantage of this, whipping Duncan first into the guardrail and then into the ringpost before rolling her back into the ring!
Chad: The Lethal one is teaching this little girl a few lessons in pain today!
Jessie: Lane back into the ring, but Duncan greets her with a kneelift. [crowd starts to boo.] Wait a minute, there’s somebody making his way over to our broadcast area.
Chad: Hey, it’s Rob Foster, the man himself! [stands up and shakes Rob’s hand]
Rob: Romeo my friend, how’s it going? Keeping that moron Brodsky in line, I hope!
Chad: It’s a chore, but somebody’s gotta do it!
Rob: It must not be THAT much of a chore, if you get to share the broadcast area with THESE two lovely creatures! Jessie, you are looking as lovely as always!
Jessie: Thank you Rob. And you still owe me for dinner by the way.
Rob: And I’ll make that up to you, Jessie my dear. How about dinner tomorrow?
Jessie: You won’t forget your wallet this time, will you?
Rob: Of course not! And Luscious Lisa, you are indeed a vision of beauty unequaled in this world!
Lisa: Oh, you’re so sweet, Rob!
Jessie: Now, THAT is a first! A speechless Rob Foster!
Rob: Huh? And President Shoemaker! Sir, it is indeed an honor and a privilege to finally meet the man who makes all of this possible!
Mike: Well, thank you Mr….uh….
Rob: Foster, Rob Foster, sir! Wrestler, manager, and interviewer extraordinaire!
Jessie: While Rob continues to enthrall us with his many credits, we go back to the action in the ring. Deborah Duncan is down, Janet Lane climbs to the top turnbuckle. Duncan rolls out of the way of a flying fistdrop! Duncan back to her feet, tries a kneelift but Lane rolls her up in a small package! One…two…kickout by Duncan!
Chad: Rob, since that bonehead Brodsky seems to have forgotten about his duties here, won’t you join us for the remainder of this match?
Rob: Why, don’t mind if I do! [drags Bob’s chair to a position between Jessie and Lisa] Now, I could get used to this!
Jessie: Meanwhile, in the ring, Deborah Duncan executes a double underhook suplex on Janet Lane. Rob, what are your impressions of these two wrestlers?
Rob: Well, the Lethal Librarian and her partner Dr. Joyce are definitely a force to be reckoned with here in the ICWF. They are one of the few teams that could give the Body Girls a run for their money! Speaking of which, I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I am now the official manager of the U.S. Tag Team champions, the Body Girls!
Mike: You manage the Body Girls?
Rob: Certainly, sir! And they are my special guests on The Twilight Zone today! Wait a minute, I’ve just had another one of my brilliant ideas! Sir, it would be a great honor to me if you would grace the Girls and myself with your presence on the Zone. Is there any chance that you could squeeze us into your busy schedule?
Mike: If it means I get to meet the Body Girls, then I’m there!
Rob: Great! You really don’t know what this means to me sir! You know, it’s just like I was telling the champ the other day, we have the greatest president in the history of sports here in the ICWF! A man who won’t put up with the nonsense of the Gordon Shaw’s and the Jim Perry’s of the world!
Chad: Here, here!
fans start cheering wildly: Jessie: Deborah Duncan has Lane in the scorpion deathlock! Lane struggles for the ropes, and finally reaches them, forcing Duncan to break the hold!
Rob: You know, I kinda like this Deborah Duncan…
Chad: You WHAT?
Jessie: YOU like a fan favorite wrestler? I find that hard to believe!
Rob: Why not, the girl’s got spunk! And a lot of raw talent, which under the right guidance could be molded into a powerful force here in the ICWF!
Jessie: So, you are interested in managing “Dynamic” Deborah Duncan?
Jessie: Duncan in a bit of trouble now, as Lane has her set up for The Final Chapter, a German suplex off the top turnbuckle. But Duncan blocks it, and throws Lane down to the canvas! Duncan comes off with a flying bodypress, but Lane rolls out of the way! Both women are down! Lane to her feet first, she picks Duncan up and goes for a full press, but Duncan rolls her up from behind! One…two…three!!!!
Duffer: The winner of the bout…”Dynamic” Deborah Duncan!!
Jessie: And the fans go wild over this dynamic youngster’s win! Let’s go to Danny Lopez at ringside!
Danny: Deborah, that was an impressive win over one of the top competitors here in the ICWF, Janet Lane. Congratulations!
Deborah: very excitedly] Thanks Danny! [she hugs him: Danny: Uh…well….Deborah, where do you go from here?
Deborah: Danny, this was not an easy win for me. Janet Lane is a tough competitor, and I really had given it everything I had to pull out the victory. I don’t expect any easy matches here in the ICWF, because the top talent in the world is here. But with these wonderful fans cheering me every step of the way, I know this is just the beginning for Dynamic Deborah Duncan!
Danny: Jessie, I think Bob Brodsky may finally have that interview he’s been looking for. Let’s go to Bob in the locker room.
cut to the locker room; a somewhat-miffed Bob Brodsky is standing with Politically Correct and their manager: Bob: Danny, I haven’t seen the Masked Marauder anywhere, but I am here with the tag team Politically Correct, Doctor Judith Joyce and the “Lethal Librarian” Janet Lane, along with their manager, Michael Alexander Worthington IV. Mr. Worthington, what plans do you have for your team?
Judith: Mr. Brodsky, you shall address your questions to either myself or Ms. Lane. As for our future plans, they have not changed from what they were before. Our mission is to educate and reform the common blue-collar plebeians who populate the ICWF. Far too many of them are obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur, something which I am well-qualified to handle appropriately [pats the mini-shock treatment unit next to her: Bob: Ms. Lane, your defeat at the hands of Deborah Duncan has to be somewhat of a setback for…
Janet: That public school-educated twit managed to get a pinfall on me tonight, but I can promise you that it will NOT happen again! As for the future of Dr. Joyce and myself, we simply cannot be expected to advance our careers in this sport if the other tag teams continue to avoid us. If there is a team that believes they have the physical and mental skills necessary to defeat us in the ring, we would truly enjoy….educating them.
Bob: Back to you, Jessie.
Jessie: Thanks Bob. And now, it’s that time I know you’ve all been waiting for, The Twilight Zone with the man himself, Rob Foster!
Cut to the Twilight Zone set, with “Twilight Zone” by Golden Earring setting the mood: Rob: You know, when you’re the best, things can’t help but work out for you. Not only am I one of the top wrestlers in this sport today, not only do I have my own interview segment, not only am I the manager of the ICWF World Champion himself, the Masked Marauder, but now, I am officially the manager of the ICWF United States Tag Team champions, Brandi and Randi, the Body Girls!
“Shake Your Foundations” by AC/DC heralds the entrance of the Body Girls. They are in their wrestling attire, and wearing the ICWF U.S. Tag title belts. They strut their stuff around the stage for a while, posing and preening for the cameras. Rob: Ladies, you are truly the two most perfect specimens of humanity this world has ever seen!
Brandi: Robbie, the universe has seen nothing like us before, and it never will again! The heavens themselves are jealous of us!
Randi: That’s why we can’t really blame all the little girls here in the ICWF for being so envious of our looks, our skills, and our intelligence! Just merely being in the same ring with the Body Girls has to be a humbling experience for anyone who dares to call herself a woman!
Brandi: And now, with the greatest mind this sport has ever known as our manager, we just cannot be beaten!
Rob: Somehow, those Bon Jovi groupies Born to be Wild managed to get a shot at your titles. I will be at ringside to make sure that blatant cheater Susan James doesn’t get involved, and to make sure that the easily-distracted Donna Quinn pays attention to her job. That should allow you two ample opportunity to slap those two little schoolgirls around!
Randi: Samantha Starr and Carrie Westfield, you managed to get a cheap victory the last time we met! But tonight, we are going to make you look so bad that even those little immature boys who you hang out with are going to be ashamed to be seen in public with you!
Brandi: And as for the rest of you wanna-be’s out there who delight in referring to us as Barbie dolls, it would be a pleasure to take your pathetic bodies apart piece by piece!
Rob: Ladies, as a little surprise to celebrate your eventual victory tonight, I have another guest on the Twilight Zone this week. He is none other than the president of the ICWF himself, Mr. Mike Shoemaker!
Mike steps onto the stage, and immediately the Body Girls are cuddling up to him on both sides.: Randi: Oooh, Mr. President, it is truly an honor to finally meet you up close and…personal…
Brandi: Oh yes, Mr. President! And Robbie never told us you were so good-looking!
Mike: Well, I…uh….
Rob: Mr. President, it would really be a great honor to have you join us for a victory celebration tonight, after the Body Girls dispose of those pretenders, Born to be Wild!
Brandi: Oh Mr. President, would you? We’d have SO much fun!!
Randi: Yes Mr. President, you haven’t partied until you’ve partied with the Body Girls!
Mike: Well…..okay! [he leaves arm-in-arm with the Body Girls: Rob: This interview is over!!
Jessie: Well, this next match will be Jeri Taylor’s first match against a ranked opponent. It should very interesting.
Chad: Only if you’re a coroner. Dark Paladin will make short work of our “sweet miss midwest”. She may even walk out of here.
Bob: I think she’ll do a lot better than that. She’s an up and coming star who will…..
Chad: Be carried out of here on a gurney. So much for your expertise.
Jessie: Okay kids. Let’s go to Marc Duffer for the announcement.
Ring Announcer} Ladies and gentlemen. This next match is one fall with a 20 minute time limit. (“We Will Rock You” blares over the PA). Entering the ring, accompanied by her manager, the great Antonio Pampa, from St Paul, MN, at 146 lbs., Jeri Taylor. (a lot of cheers and high fives as she comes down the aisle; she wears a gold cape which she swirls off, revealing a gold high-cut leotard and matching short boots.)
Now coming down the aisle, accompanied by Soultaker, from Edinburgh, Scotland, at 310 lbs., the Dark Paladin. The referee is Donna Quinn.
Jessie: Get ready for a tough match. Both wrestlers need a win here. Here’s the bell. They both charge out and lock up. He pushes her into the ropes and slams a forearm across her chest. There’s a knee to her belly, sending her to the mat. Donna tries to separate them, but Paladin kicks her head as he backs off. Jeri looks bad and Paladin moves back in with a hair pull, standing her up and chopping her throat. Wow, she dropped like a rock. Paladin pulls her hair and throws her into the ropes, grabbing her in a bearhug as she bounces off. He’s holding her up, squeezing her ribs. Jeri’s in severe pain as he eases up then tightens. Her back must hurt and her ribs are close to breaking. Paladin’s a 310 lb. monster who can probably crush anything.
Chad: So much for your great up and coming star. Get the undertaker, she’s finished.
Bob: Hmmmm, doesn’t look too good for Jeri, but I think she’ll come back.
Chad: So will the Bucs.
Jessie: Jeri’s trying to get to the ropes, but Paladin just carries her around like a doll. She’s gasping for breath. Jeri’s pushing back on his chin, but he’s holding on. She just jabbed his throat and again. Now she’s choking him, and another jab, and a fourth. Paladin’s gagging, but trying to hang on. A jab in his eye and he let’s go. Jeri’s hanging on the ropes, trying to get her strength back and Paladin’s rubbing his eye. He moves in to her and drives a left into her belly. Another left and a right to her chest and Jeri’s down.
Chad: She’s too stupid to stop. She’ll keep going and lose consciousness as he pummels her.
Jessie: Paladin pulls her up and throws her into the ropes. There’s a clothesline, but she ducks under it and bounces off the opposite ropes, then dropkicks him from behind. Paladin falls into the ropes and Jeri finally shows a spark. As he gets up, she dropkicks him again, sending him into the ropes and to the mat. Jeri still is a little shaken up and hesitates to move in. Paladin gets up and runs for her with a shoulder block. Jeri jumps over him and lands behind him as he runs into the ropes and falls through, landing on the floor.
Bob: Now this is beginning to look like a real match.
Chad: If the big bozo can get up and concentrate on this match, he’ll kill her.
Jessie: Pretty big if. Jeri stands back as he climbs into the ring. She’s charging and there’s a flying dropkick. Paladin lands on the apron and falls to the floor again. This time Jeri climbs up and flies into Paladin as he rises. Wow, a flying elbow, right into his chest. He’s down and rolling in pain. Jeri gets up and climbs into the ring. Paladin is rising and slowly climbing into the ring. He gets in at 18 and not looking too good.
Chad: Hey, look at that. He was faking and slugged her belly as she charged. He’s got her in a full nelson, pushing down on her neck and head. He’s really putting pressure on her neck. She’s trying to get to the ropes, but Paladin has her tight and holding on. Jeri bends over, picking him up and tries to back into a corner. He’s hanging on, but Jeri now falls through the ropes sending them both to the floor.
Bob: Well, that’s one way of breaking the hold. Reminds me of the ’83 Bucs when we…….
Chad: Had diarrhea on the field.
Jessie: Ease up guys. Jeri landed on top as they hit the floor. She’s up and kneedrops his head, then climbs into the ring. Paladin gets up, shaking his head. He gets back in, but Jeri drives a shoulder into his belly, then clamps on a standing headscissors. She’s going for a piledriver, but he lifts her up and flips Jeri over his back. She landed hard and Paladin dropped an elbow on her head. She must be close to exhaustion. He’s let her have everything he’s got, but she’s still hanging on. Jeri rolls under the ropes to rest. Paladin yells at her.
Paladin: Hey, you crummy slut! Get in here and fight. You scared to get back in?
Jessie: Jeri’s hurt and Paladin grabs her arm, pulling her back in and throwing her into a corner. Oh my, that hurt her back. She’s just barely holding onto the ropes. Here comes Paladin. Looks like the Chicago Limited coming. He throws himself into the corner, but Jeri ducks and Paladin flies into the turnbuckle. She did a good job of faking. Jeri grabs an arm and throws him into a corner. He landed hard into the turnbuckle. She moves in and grabs the arm, throwing him into the opposite corner. He was thrown hard into the corner. His back must feel good. Jeri moves in and grabs an arm, pulls him to the center and flips him to the mat. She drops a knee into the arm, then twists it. Another kneedrop onto the arm and Paladin looks hurt. He’s trying to get to the ropes and slowly reaches them. Donna makes her break, but Jeri hangs on. There’s the count and Jeri releases at 4. She grabs that arm as soon as Paladin gets free of the ropes. A bad wristlock and she’s really working that arm. There’s a hair pull takedown by Jeri. Donna saw it and starts counting. Jeri breaks at 4, but then stomps on that arm. She waits and wow, what a dropkick as Paladin gets up. He’s down and not moving too good. Jeri pulls his hair and stands him up for a chop to the throat, another and a third, then letting him fall. She shows the big guy just how helpless he is as she pulls him up again and throws him into the ropes. A big kneelift to his belly as he bounces off the ropes. Paladin doesn’t have much fight left as Jeri pulls him up, lifts him for a backbreaker. God, she easily lifted that 310 lbs. like it was nothing. She’s got him up again and another smash across her knee. He’s rolling in pain, but Jeri has other ideas yet.
Bob: Look at this! She’s got him up in a fireman’s carry, and running into a corner, ramming his back into the turnbuckle. He’s slumping in the corner and Jeri drives a knee into his belly. Donna pushes her back, but Jeri moves around her and slams an elbow into the big man’s head. That jarred loose any cobwebs he had. She pulls him out and lifts him for a powerslam. She’s holding him up high and there’s a perfect running slam, driving him into the mat. The whole place shook from the crash. Jeri’s not done yet. She pulls him up again and lifts him for a reverse suplex. Oh my God, Paladin’s almost out cold now!
Jessie: This should be it. Jeri’s got him sitting up; he really looks out of it. She jumps high and drives an elbow hard into his forehead. God, that just about knocked him out. She jumps up again and crashes that elbow into his head once more. Paladin’s finished now. His arms are hanging limp at his sides. Jeri drags him to the center and climbs onto the top rope. There’s the flying cross body press. Paladin’s not moving. Here’s the count, 1……….2….., she pulled him up! Jeri’s putting on the figure-four leglock. She’s got it and Paladin’s come alive, yelling in pain. He’s trying to hold out and get the ropes, but he can’t last much longer. That’s it, he’s submitted! Paladin just quit as Jeri kept the pressure on with that figure-four leglock. Donna’s trying to break it up, but Jeri seems to want it on. Donna’s counting now and Jeri finally releases it. She’s won a very important match tonight.
Ring Announcer: The winner, at 11:47, Jeri Taylor.
Jessie: Danny Lopez is with the winner.
Danny: Great win Jeri. Did you feel worried at all?
Jeri: Thanks. No, but I was concerned about his size and strength. He could have really made it hard for me. (wipes her forehead and blows hair from her eyes) He really isn’t as bad as I thought.
Danny: This opens up a lot of opportunities for you. Is there something you’re after now?
Jeri: Yes, I want the US Championship, held by that crud, Spanish Rose. I want her to see what a real wrestler can do to her. She caught Angel on a bad day, but she won’t get me.
Danny: You seem very cocky about facing her. She’s big, rough, and fast. I think you might….
Jeri: Hey, what are you talking about? I’m Jeri Taylor and I just beat the Dark Paladin, a 310 lb. behemoth. Do I look like chopped liver? I’ll give her a great match and win. I’ve got some tricks and moves up my sleeve. The ICWF hasn’t seen a lot of my abilities yet.
Danny: Yes, of course. I was just saying that you shouldn’t….
Jeri: I will take her as seriously as I take my wrestling abilities. She can be beaten and I’ll do it. And after her, I want one of the Snake Sisters. Maybe I’ll team with Bambi, you know, the Free Spirits, to take on the Snake Sisters and the Body Girls. That should satisfy me for a while.
Danny: That’s a tall order. I hope this all works out for you.
Jeri: Thank you, Danny. I’m sure it will. The ICWF has been very good to me. Now I must get cleaned up, I’m getting chilled.
Jessie: Well guys. She certainly knows what she wants. I think she’ll get her matches and do very well in them.
Chad: Rose will eat her alive. She’s dog meat! Toast!
Bob: I agree with Jessie. She’ll do just fine. And the belt will look great around her waist.
Jessie: Yes. Now a word from our sponsors and then to Mike Duffer with the next match.
Jessie: We’re back, and before we go to our next match, Sam Wilson is standing by with ICWF Commissioner Gordon Shaw and matchmaker “Big” Jim Perry.
Sam: YEEE-HAAAA! [Perry, who looks half-asleep, jumps at this] Commish, you have a few things ta say about some of the ornery goin’s-on here in the ICWF?
Gordon: Yes I do, Sam. In recent months we have seen two rather controversial title changes here in the ICWF. I am referring to the Body Girls win over Rob Foster and the Masked Marauder for the ICWF United States Tag Team titles, as well as Gretchen Gwynne’s victory over Kassandra Helman for the ICWF Television title. In both cases, the losing wrestlers obviously threw the match in favor of the victors. I will say at this time that shenanigans such as this will no longer be tolerated here in the ICWF! Now, I cannot strip either the Body Girls or Gretchen Gwynne of their titles, but I will mandate that both defend their belts tonight against top contenders.
Sam: But the Body Gals are already scheduled to defend against Born to be Wild!
Gordon: Exactly, and despite the protests of the Body Girls and Mr. Foster, this match was made a title match. Also, Gretchen Gwynne will defend her belt tonight against a highly-ranked opponent, Yakuza! Hopefully this will discourage any more controversial title changes.
Sam: Thank you, Commish! Back to you Jessie!
Jessie: This next match is a very special match. Donna Quinn is an excellent referee in the ICWF and now she’s accepting a challenge from one the wrestlers she refereed. Apparently the Cowboy was dissatisfied with her calls.
Chad: Hang on, Jessie. She ain’t the least bit good. No one in the ICWF likes her and they all think she should be fired.
Bob: That’s wrong and you know it. She’s one of the most respected refs here and in pro wrestling. Now knock that crap off!
Chad: Hey, listen you…..
Bob: Shut up, Chad. You’re wrong and that’s all there is to it. Get over it.
Jessie: WOW! Good going Bob. You really told him off. You should do that more often.
Bob: I’m tired of that philistine. Him and his bozo wrestlers!
Jessie: Take it easy. Let’s go to Michael Duffer.
Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen. This match is one fall with a 20 minute time limit. (“Deep In The Heart of Texas” plays. Two cowboys strut down the aisle, growling at the fans. They get boos and small objects tossed at them). Entering the ring, accompanied by his partner, Ranger Roddy Rogers, from the great nation of Texas, at 246 lbs., Cowboy Bob Ellis. (Ellis wears a great coat, black hat making him look like Buchanan (only nicer), chaps and cowboy-style wrestling boots. His trunks are sky blue with a setting sun on the butt).
(“Hammer To Fall” by Queen (who else) plays. A lean, strong young woman runs down the aisle to the cheers of the fans. She high-fives them as she passes.) Now entering the ring, accompanied by her friends, Cheerleader Bambi and Jeri Taylor, from Jackson, MS, at 144 lbs., the former NCAA 129.5 lb. Champion and now the greatest referee in the ICWF, here’s Donna Quinn. (She wears a black thong bikini, black-and-white ref-style crop top, black kneepads and matching boots.) The referee is I.R. Crayzie.
Jessie: Well guys, what do you think?
Chad: You know what I think. Quinn will go down fast.
Bob: Donna Quinn will pull it out. She has a big point to make and there are a lot of people here that want her to win.
Jessie: As a guest announcer with us, we have one of her biggest critics, Kommando Karla. Welcome Karla.
Karla: Hi Jessie, guys. She looks pretty good, but the Cowboy will eat her lunch. She trains hard, but hasn’t wrestled in a while, and never professionally. We work out at the same gym and she is strong, but not much style. Maybe this will send her back to Mississippi, if they want her. Actually, I wanted to be the first to wrestle her. I wanted to twist her scrawny body into a pretzel. Here’s the bell.
Jessie: They come out fast and lock up. Cowboy with a face rake and Donna backs off rubbing her eyes. He moves in and knees her belly, doubling her over and now a big double-ax handle chop to her neck. Quinn’s down and Cowboy makes sure she stays there. He’s stomping her head and back. Crayzie is sure slow to stop this.
Karla: That’s the way a ref should be. Let ’em wrestle. She made a typical rookie mistake; she didn’t move fast enough to lock up and try to control the action. He took advantage and now he’ll win in a few minutes.
Jessie: Maybe. The ref is just now pushing Ellis back as Donna tries to get up. She looks shaken up as she stands a little wobbly. Ellis with a big shoulder block, sending her into the ropes and to the mat. That jolted her. Big hair pull and a lift for a bodyslam. Oh my, what a slam as the mat bounced from the shock.
Karla: Yeah, imagine how she feels now. Ha-ha-ha-ha, what a great sight.
Bob: I would think you’d want your old friend from the NEWF to win.
Chad: Bob, don’t think, your head can’t take the pressure.
Karla: Good shot Chad.
Jessie: Speaking of a good shot, Ellis nails Donna with a short clothesline sending her into the ropes, then follows with a knee to her belly. How much more can she take? Ellis has her up again, another big slam and the pin. This may be it, 1……….2.., she kicks out and manages to roll out of the ring. Quinn can use the rest. The Cowboy follows her out with a big jump onto her back. He’s got her around the throat, but Donna’s trying to shake him off. Look at Crayzie, he hasn’t even started the count yet. Quinn can’t get him off. Wow, she just backed into the edge of the apron ramming Ellis’ back into And again, only this time he let’s go and falls to the floor. Quinn’s trying to catch her breath, gasping for air. The Cowboy’s getting up and runs toward Donna, but she ducks his swing and kicks his belly with a hard snapkick. That stopped him cold. She puts on a front headlock and a kneelift snapping his head back. She then grabs and throws him into the ring, then climbs back in.
Karla: Hmmm, she came out of nowhere with that move. This looks pretty good. May have a match after all.
Jessie: Yes, we do and she’s making sure Ellis knows that. A standing headscissors, but he lifts her over his back and she crashes to the mat. He falls on her with an elbowdrop onto her chest for good measure. Ellis stands and stomps her some more, trying to really punish her. Donna can’t seem to get up as the ref just stands there looking on.
Karla: He’s doing a great job.
Jessie: A mummy could be more active. He stands her up and goes to lift her, wait, she drives a short jab into his belly, stopping him. Then another and a third and she suddenly has some control over this match. He’s asking her for mercy, not to hit him again. She looks at the crowd and, oh my God, he slams a fist into her chest, driving her into the ropes.
Karla: God, she fell for the oldest trick in the book. Even I’m too proud to use that and I’d certainly never fall for it. What a chump.
Jessie: Cowboy has her in a side headlock, turning her away from Crayzie and smacking her face. Quinn manages to throw him against the ropes and gets a flying forearm as he crashes into her. He runs to the ropes and this time she ducks as he jumps over her, but on the rebound she dropkicks him into the ropes. What a shot! Right in the chest. She quickly gets up and pushes him back into the ropes, driving a knee into his belly, then another. A hair pull and toss across the ring. As he gets up, she nails him with a perfect flying dropkick, sending him into the corner. She gets up and rams her knee into his belly as he slumps further in the corner.
Chad: Hey, I thought she was such a great, law-abiding ref. She’s cheatin’!
Bob: Good eyesight, Chad.
Jessie: Donna’s not laying back now. She has another front headlock and send that knee hard into his head. He must be getting rattled by now. She throws him into the ropes and clotheslines him as he comes off. His head really smacked the mat hard. A quick kneedrop to his noggin and he’s dazed. She pulls him up by the hair and throws him into the ropes. Wow, what a dropkick, right into his chest. She stands back watching him. Now she goes to a corner, climbing to the top, and……., yea, there it is, a perfect dropkick off the top rope as Ellis gets up. God, that should finish him. But she isn’t going for the pin.
Karla: You know, maybe she will be a pretty good wrestler. She’s goin’ up again and, Jesus, what a kneedrop! Right onto his back as he starts to rise. That flattened him for sure.
Jessie: This girl is here to stay. A standing headscissors and piledriver. She really rammed his head into the mat. Still she isn’t going for the pin. The crowd is crazy for her; they love her style and looks. She pulls the Cowboy up and throws him once more into the ropes. Holy Smokes! She just leaped into the air and clotheslined Ellis with a leg as he came off the ropes. Right across the throat. Ellis is really hurt and rolling around holding his throat, gagging. Quinn slowly grabs him and rolls him onto his belly, jumps on his back, places his arms over her knees, and pulls back hard on his chin. This should do it. Donna is really pulling back, trying to rip his head off.
Donna: Quit, you punk! Quit!
Jessie: She has one mean streak in her. Ellis is trying to wave his submission, but Crayzie doesn’t notice. This guy is a goof.
Karla: No, he’s great. There it is, Ellis concedes the match to Donna Quinn.
Jessie: Wow, what a match. Wait a minute! She won’t release the camel clutch. Ellis is screaming, but Quinn still pulls back on that chin. Crayzie finally pulls her off and raises her arm in victory. Karla will do the post-match interview. She’s with Donna now.
Duffer: The winner, at 13:47, the ICWF’s own great referee, “Deadly” Donna Quinn.
Karla: We’re here with the winner, Donna Quinn. I guess congratulations are in order. What is this “Deadly” stuff?
Donna: Thank you, let me please catch my breath. I think Duffer just made that “Deadly” name up. I know you probably wanted me to lose, so I know how hard it is for you to congratulate me. But I accept it from a true pro like you. The match was pretty tough for me.
Karla: What about your rule-breaking style? I mean hair pulling, kneeing in the corner and against the ropes. What about this squeaky-clean image?
Donna: I never said anything about a squeaky-clean image. I’m a referee and as such, I uphold the rules of the ICWF. I didn’t say anything about not breaking them when I wrestle. I got away with them and will again in future matches. As for future matches, I suppose you want one. Just see Mr. Perry or Mr. Shaw and sign your name to the contract. It’s ready to go. I’m sick of you always criticizing my referee abilities.
Karla: You don’t mess around, do you? Don’t you think I may be a bit too much for you? I’m not some crummy jobber, like this Ellis. And I will keep criticizing because you aren’t a good referee.
Donna: Karla, stop talking and sign the paper! Are you looking for a way out of this? I’ll be right here, refereeing your matches, so you can’t get away. You have to face me. And now the whole world knows I’ve challenged you and you might not want to accept.
Karla: You crud! That’s cheap! Where’s this damn paper? I’ll sign it, then watch your blood run all over it! I oughta break you in half right now! (Guards rush over and separate them)
Jessie: Well, Karla certainly has a future in announcing. She brings out the best in people. And we definitely have a big grudge match coming up soon. This is a big night so far: a new announcer, a new wrestler, and a new feud. WOW! Too much for my heart to take. Let’s go to our sponsors, then to Michael Duffer with our next match.
Duffer: Laaaadies and gentelmennnn! The next match is one fall with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first, from the mysterious East, YAKUZA! (The lights go down and a green mist rises on one side of the ring. Suddenly Yakuza’s there in the midst of the green smoke. He’s in a black ninja costume with torn-off sleeves, revealing well-muscled, well-tattooed arms.)
And his opponent……(The opening chords of “Pretty in Pink” by OMD begin to play and the fans erupt into boos.) led to the ring by her manager, The KINGPIN…..from wherever she damn well pleases….weighing in at 122lbs….this is the ICWF WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION……”GORGEOUS” GRETCHEN GWYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!
(Gretchen is escorted to the ring by the towering Kingpin. She is dressed in a pink singlet, with matching boots. The World TV title is firmly around her waist.)
Jessie: World TV champ Gretchen Gwynne making her way to the ring, and I know she can’t be happy. This match was mandated by the commissioner due to the strange way the belt was passed.
Chad: Yeah, and this whole thing stinks! The Kingpin’s being singled out for running his enterprise his way! There oughta be a law….
Jessie: Well, the little psycho definitely has her work cut out for her tonight. Yakuza is no rookie out there.
Bob: He’s going to clean her clock.
Chad: Yeah, right.
Jessie: There’s the bell, and we’re under way. Yakuza and Gwynne circling each other…collar and elbow tie up….and Yakuza just tosses Gwynne to the mat.
Chad: Oh, he’s got size on her…that’s nothing…
(The match continues, with Yakuza gaining a definite upper hand, and rocking Gwynne with martial arts moves and top rope acrobatics. Gwynne just can’t seem to get any offense going.)
Jessie: Gretchen’s in big trouble out there…Yakuza is taking her from pillar to post.
Chad: Temporary setback, that’s all…
Bob: Temporary? She’s been getting her ass kicked for ten minutes now!
Jessie: Gwynne is flat on her back, and Yakuza’s got that claw hold sunk in deep on her trapezius muscle…she’s got that glazed over look in her eye.
Bob: That’s always there.
Jessie: Yakuza pulls Gwynne to her feet….whip into the buckle! Boy did she hit hard! Handspring corner flying elbow! Gwynne is rocked!
Bob: New champion coming up!
Jessie: Referee A.J. Bledsoe with the count…
Chad: NO! *two*
Jessie: Gretchen’s out the back door! Yakuza can’t believe it!
Chad: HA! You can’t beat her that easily!
Bob: You just thought she was going to lose…
Chad: Shut up, Bob…
Jessie: Yakuza whips Gretchen to the ropes…high cross body…NO! Gretchen dodges!
Bob: I don’t think she dodged so much as she just fell down.
Jessie: In any case, Yakuza just got the wind knocked out of him! Gwynne stumbling to her feet now…she falls on top of Yakuza!
Jessie: Two and a half count! That was close! Gretchen’s back on her feet…
Bob: She had to use the ropes to pull herself up to her feet…she’s out of it.
Jessie: Gwynne over to Yakuza…she’s got him up on his feet…diving shoulderblock to his stomach against the ropes, and he’s really sucking wind now…Uh Oh!
Bob: If she hits this, it’s over.
Jessie: Yakuza up in piledriver position…WOW! Where did she get the juice for that?
Bob: I don’t know, but Yakuza’s about three inches shorter now!
Jessie: She picks him up….a SECOND piledriver!
Chad: Fivedriver time…count Yakuza out of the TV title tonight….
Jessie: A third piledriver! A fourth!
Bob: What’s she doing now?
Chad: Second wind?
Jessie: She sits Yakuza up on the top rope…she’s climbs up…SHE’S NOT GOING TO!
Bob: This is serious danger for Yakuza!
Chad: He’s done….done done done….
Jessie: SHE PILEDRIVES HIM FROM THE SECOND ROPE! Yakuza is unconscious!
Chad: Now there’s a cover!
Bob: This is disgusting…
Jessie: She just lays on top of Yakuza with her head…
Jessie: That’s gonna do it…Gretchen Gwynne retains the World TV title.
Chad: I love it! She’s making Bledsoe keep counting!
*four* *five* *six* *seven* *eight* *nine*
Chad: A ten count, and *NOW* it’s over!
Duffer: Here is your winner….in fifteen minutes and eleven seconds….and *STILL* World Television Champion…..”GORGEOUS” GRETCHEN GWYNNE!!!!
Jessie: Fans, we’ve gotta take a break! We’ll be back after these important messages.
Jessie: We’re back, and it’s time for the rematch between Born to be Wild and the ICWF United States Tag Team champions, the Body Girls!
Bob: And this time, the belts are on the line! Susan James is going to have TWO titles in her stable when this one is over.
Chad: Not a chance! The Body Girls are gonna tear these chicks apart! And with the man himself, Rob Foster, in their corner, there’s no way that Susan James, Donna Quinn, or anyone else is going to steal those belts from them!
Lisa: Susan definitely had a winning gameplan in place for her team the last time, and I am certain she has modified it to take Rob’s presence into consideration. But there is probably no one in the sport who knows how to…er…bend the rules the way he does!
Bob: “Bend” them? How about break them, throw them on the floor, and stomp all over them!!
Jessie: Let’s go to the ring for the introductions!
Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen!!! The following bout is one fall, with a 40 minute time limit. It is for the ICWF United States Tag Team titles!
“Born to be Wild” by Steppenwolf plays, and the fans go crazy!: Duffer: Introducing first, the challengers, led to the ring by their manager, Susan James… from Los Angeles, California and Dallas, Texas respectively…At a combined weight of 315 pounds…Samantha…WIIILD ONE….Starr and Carrie…WIIILD THING…Westfield…BOOOOORN…TOOO… BEEEE…..WIIIIIIIIIIIILD!!
the threesome make their way to the ring, accompanied by the explosive applause of the fans. Samantha and Carrie are dressed in their usual wrestling attire, and exchange hi-fives with the fans all the way down the aisle: Chad: Look at the humanoids go ape over these two! Boy are they gonna be disappointed!!
“Shake Your Foundations” by AC/DC erupts from the PA.: Duffer: And their opponents…led to the ring by their manager, Rob Foster…. At a combined weight of 335 pounds and both hailing from Los Angeles, California….the reigning ICWF United States Tag Team champions…. BRANDI……RANDI…..THE BODY GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRLS!!!
most of the fans boo the Girls as enthusiastically as they cheered Born to be Wild. Foster exchanges “pleasantries” with a few fans on the way to the ring. The Body Girls strut down the aisle, proudly displaying the belts and their other assets: Bob: What we need are more wholesome champions in this fed like Wildside and Born to be Wild! Someone who will set a good example for the kids out there!
Chad: Excuse me, Dumbsky, but I don’t remember anything in the standard ICWF wrestler’s contract about setting “a good example for the kids”. You make money in this sport by beating people up and winning titles, and the Body Girls are very good at both!
Jessie: The Girls have finally reached the ringside area, but they seem a little reluctant to enter the ring with both Starr and Westfield in there.
Bob: That’s about right, they only like it when the odds are in their favor.
Chad: How are they supposed to pose for the humanoids if they can’t get in the ring?
Bob: Apparently Born to be Wild are more than willing to take their place, as they mock the Bodies by posing in the center of the ring! The fans love it!!
Jessie: The Bodies aren’t too happy about that! It looks like they are going to try a sneak attack from behind, but Starr and Westfield are wise to them and they duck the clotheslines of the Body Girls, then send them both to the outside with simultaneous dropkicks!
Bob: And now that weasel Foster is in the ring, and they’ve got him trapped! Can you believe this, he’s trying to beg them off, but they’ll have none of that! Double clothesline, and Foster joins the Bodies on the floor!
Chad: And Donna Quinn is allowing all of this! Gordon Shaw, if you’re listening, suspend this woman’s license immediately! She’s biased, for crying out loud!
Lisa: Now, Chad, you know that Donna is very intelligent woman and one of the best referees in the sport today! Shame on you!
Jessie: It looks like the Body Girls have regrouped, and we’re ready to begin this title match! Brandi and Samantha will once again start off for their respective teams. There’s the bell, and they lock up immediately! Brandi’s strength allows her to get Starr into position for a full nelson, but Starr quickly reaches the ropes to break the hold. Brandi tries to lock the hold on again, but Starr catches her with a backward kick.
Lisa: Great counter-wrestling by Starr, who like many of the wrestlers here in the ICWF comes from a wrestling family.
Jessie: Starr tries for an armdrag, but Brandi counters with a lariat. The Body Girl comes off the ropes with a kneedrop, followed by an elbow drop from the second turnbuckle. She goes for the cover…1…kickout quickly by Starr.
Bob: Obviously the Body Girls learned something from their first match with Born to be Wild, as they try to get the early pin on the challengers.
Jessie: Brandi with a tilt-a-whirl suplex, one of the Body Girls’ favorite moves. She picks Starr up, places her on the top turnbuckle…
Chad: I smell top-rope pile driver! This one may be over early after all!
Jessie: Starr blocks the pile driver, and throws Brandi off the turnbuckle!
Bob: Wrong again, Romero!
Jessie: Brandi whips Starr into the ropes, attempts a backdrop but instead it’s Starr with a sunset flip into a pinning combination! One…two… kickout! Starr with the tag to her partner, they whip Brandi into the ropes and hit her with a double fist to the midsection!
Chad: Ref, get Starr out of there!
Jessie: Randi comes in and tosses Samantha Starr over the top rope. She goes for a dropkick on Westfield, but Wild Thing steps out of the way and Randi nails her own partner! Westfield goes for the pin! One…two… and Brandi gets her shoulder up in time!
Bob: The Body Girls seem to be totally lost out there right now! Obviously Foster’s presence isn’t helping them one bit!
Jessie: Brandi with a kick to the midsection of Westfield, doubling her over. Brandi sets up for a pile driver, and brings Westfield’s head crashing into the canvas!
Chad: That’s gotta hurt!!
Jessie: Brandi tags out to Randi, they whip Carrie into the ropes and catch her coming back with a double elbowsmash.
Lisa: The Body Girls are one of the best when it comes to double-teaming their opponents. They really know how to use that count to its full advantage!
the match goes back and forth for thirty minutes, with both sides gaining and then losing the advantage. All four wrestlers put on the performance of their careers in a grueling bout.: Jessie: Brandi goes for a tilt-a-whirl suplex again, but Samantha counters with an enzuilariato!
Lisa: I am very impressed by the performance of these four women in the ring tonight! Nobody deserves to lose this match!
Bob: As much as I dislike the attitude of the Body Girls, I’d have to agree with that assessment, Lisa!
Chad: Brodsky, you’re sucking up again!
Bob: Romero, I oughta…
Jessie: Starr with a diving shoulderblock! She goes for the pin, but only gets a two-count. She follows up with a double underhook suplex, and now Carrie Westfield is in the ring to make it two-on-one!
Chad: And of course Quinn does nothing!
Bob: If your pal Rob wasn’t arguing with her and distracting her, she would probably make Westfield leave!
Jessie: Born to be Wild whip Brandi into the ropes, and hit her with a double fist to the midsection, followed by a double forearm smash! Westfield leaves the ring as Starr places Brandi on the turnbuckle, and nails her with a belly-to-back superplex! Brandi staggers to her feet, and Starr has her in the double chickenwing!!
Lisa: That’s the hold that won the first match for Born to be Wild!
Jessie: Brandi struggles forward and manages to reach the ropes, breaking the hold! A thumb to the eye of Starr backs her off, Brandi goes for a piledriver but Starr counters with a backdrop! And Brandi counters that in turn with a sunset flip! She goes for the pin, but only gets a one-count before Starr kicks out!
Bob: Both wrestlers are obviously fatigued, this match has lasted for more than thirty minutes!
Jessie: Brandi makes the tag to Randi, and immediately Carrie enters the ring and throws Brandi out, to eliminate a possible Body Girl double team.
Chad: Yea, but now those lousy cheats, Born to be Wild, are double-teaming Randi!
Jessie: Starr and Westfield whip Randi into the ropes and catch her with a devastating double dropkick! Donna Quinn manages to get Carrie to leave the ring…
Jessie: …but Samantha still has the upper hand as she nails the former U.S. singles champ with a gutwrench suplex. Randi runs into the ropes, but Starr meets her with a dropkick!
Bob: That dropkick was a little off-target though, as Randi is still on her feet.
Jessie: Randi gets behind Starr and locks her into an abdominal stretch!
Lisa: She’s got her right in the center of the ring, it’s goin to be tough for Samantha to get to the ropes!!
Jessie: Starr struggling to reach the ropes, as Carrie leads the fans in cheering her on. Randi having trouble holding the Wild One back!
Bob: Samantha Starr has a lot of heart, you can never count this girl out!!
Jessie: Starr still reaching, and she’s got the rope! Randi breaks the hold, but immediately she picks up Starr and places her on the top turnbuckle. She sets up for the power bomb, and OH MY!!!
Chad: No way Starr is getting up from THAT!!
Jessie: Randi with the cover…one…two…THREE!!!!
Chad: Brodsky, what was that you were saying about never counting Starr out? I believe Donna Quinn just did!
Duffer: The winners of the match, and STILL ICWF United States Tag Team champions, the BODY GIIIIIIIIRLS!!!!
Jessie: Let’s go to Danny Lopez at ringside with the winners!
Danny: Brandi, Randi, that match had to be one of the toughest you’ve had in your careers here…
Rob: Shut up, Lopez! My girls have more important things to do right now than talking with you! As we speak, the Marauder, the Snake Sisters, and the prez himself are waiting in the limo for us! We’re gonna have a celebration like Richter City has never seen before! And one final warning for all of the wrestlers out there who want a match with any of us….be careful of what you wish for, because you just might get it!!!
Jessie: We’re back, Caray Zents right to work on Johnny Richards before the bell! Caray Zents catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex…referee Danny Davis counts..
Jessie: Shoulder up!
Chad: That woulda been the quickest title change in history!
Jessie: Caray whips Johnny Richards into the ropes…Johnny Richards reverses it…flying lariat by Zents! Zents following up with a double underhook suplex.
Bob: I don’t know if Richards was prepared for this…
Jessie: Caray Zents goes for a dropkick, but Johnny Richards side steps! Nice move by Johnny Richards, who tags out to Jake Sanders.
Chad: Watch Stewart! He’s around the ring apron….OH! He just throws Johnny Richards to the floor!
Jessie: Caray Zents nails Sanders with a dropkick…Zents just standing there, waiting…and takes him down with a neckbreaker! Caray is just so technically efficient!
Chad: Stewart has Richards up in vertical suplex position….GOURDBUSTER!!! He just gourdbustered Richards on the floor!
Bob: Oh, he’s got to be hurt…
Jessie: Caray Zents goes for the Nightmares! This one could be over early! NO! Sanders blocks it! Caray tags out to Stewart…
Chad: Watch the double team….double whip into the buckle….
Jessie: Caray whips Stewart in…no, reversal and Stewart whips Caray in…FLYING FOREARM up against the turnbuckle! Sanders just crumples to the ground! Caray back on the apron, and now it’s Stewart taking over…Stewart Zents nails Jake Sanders with a falling splash. Danny Davis counts…
*One* *two* kickout by Sanders.
Chad: The….uh….”champs” are looking really *great* tonight, Jessie…
Jessie: Wildside are the I-C tag champs whether you like it or not, Chad. Get used to it. Stewart whips Sanders to the ropes…he misses the clothesline…high cross body by Sanders! Danny Davis counts:
*One* *two* Kickout! Boy, that was close!
Chad: Lucky shot…
Jessie: Jake Sanders goes for a gutwrench suplex, but Stewart Zents blocks it. That’s not very smart…he needs to make the tag.
Chad: Well, they aren’t a very smart team, Jessie.
Jessie: It’s not over yet. Stewart tags to Caray…double whip to the ropes…Sanders ducks the double clothesline…and a double clothesline by Sanders! Both Zents brothers are down! He staggers over, and there’s the tag to Richards! He’s in like a house afire! Big right hand sends Caray down! Big right hand on Stewart…another….a third! The big man hits the canvas! Dropkick on Caray! Dropkick on Stewart! He’s got them both by the head….double noggin knocker! Wait! They block it, and Caray rams Johnny’s head into Stewart’s! Richards is on the canvas!
Chad: You’re not gonna beat these guys by hitting them in the head…
Bob: Who’s the legal man in there?
Chad: Bob? You’re with us?
Jessie: Caray is the legal man, and Richards is up on his shoulders…fall away slam by Caray Zents!
Chad: These guys are done. They never shoulda had the belts in the first place.
Jessie: Caray’s over to the corner…he’s got Sanders! Big headbutt, and Sanders is to the floor. These guys are animals.
Chad: That’s what happens when you piss off the wrong team.
Jessie: Caray stands Richards up…and a big enzuigiri! The tag made to Stewart, and he’s signaling to the crowd.
Chad: Go ahead. Boo ’em. They don’t care.
Jessie: Stewart with a spinebuster on Richards…he turns it into a Boston crab…reaches out and tags Caray….he’s up on the top rope…
Bob: This isn’t going to be pretty…
Jessie: Caray leaping off….and he cross body blocks Stewart! Look at Richards! Your back wasn’t meant to bend that way! He’s gotta be hurt!
Chad: (laughing) There’s your champions, Jessie! There’s your champions!
Jessie: Chad, Fury’s biggest cheerleader…Caray’s got Richards up…TORTURE RACK! They’ve already injured that back…and Richards is giving it up! This one is over!
Buffer: The winners of the match….in six minutes and eleven seconds….and NEW Intercontinental Tag Team Champions….Caray and Stewart Zents….FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRYYYYYYY!!!!
Jessie: Well, the Kingpin’s got his I-C tag champs back, and Wildside just really never got it going tonight.
Chad: Well, they never really got a chance…Fury was all over them from the beginning.
Jessie: I wonder what that’s all about…let’s go down to Kris Erickson, who’s standing with the new champs.
Kris: Kingpin, congratulations on regaining the titles.
Kingpin: Thanks, Kris, but it wasn’t me…these boys wrestled like champions, and came home champions.
Caray: Wildside, we told you it was a fluke, and we proved it tonight! Don’t *ever* make the mistake of jumping on the Syndicate again! Ever! You don’t know what you’re dealing with. We’ll crush you anytime you wanna dance again.
Stewart: Python Princess, it’s time for us to get it on again! And this time, there’s gonna be no excuses! Those belts are ours! We’re the #1 contenders again, and we’ll get them belts!
(They all exit, under a rain of boos.)
Kris: Um….we’ve gotta got to commercial, but we’ll be back after these messages.
Jessie: We’re back from commercial folks, and…Chad, why are you suddenly so happy?
Chad: Because, I get to watch a wonderful specimen of womanhood, Victoria, beat the stuffing out of that fruit, Arlechino! I’ve been waiting for this a long, long time!
M.D.: Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get ready to GET DOWN!!!!! This match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the ICWF Intercontinental Championship. Introducing first, the challenger. She weighs in at 202 lbs. Accompanied to the ring by her tag-team partner, Diana. Here is Victoria!! (“The Ride of the Valkyries” plays as these two women walk through the curtain. Most of the males in the audience boo them, while some of the ladies seem to be behind them all the way. )
M.D.: And now, the champion. (God, I love this job!) He hails from Brooklyn, New York, and weighs in at 245 lbs. Accompanied to the ring by Taskmaster, this is Arlechino!!
(“Rock me, Amadeus!” by Falco plays from the PA system as the fans throw a huge pop. Taskmaster and Arlechino make their way to ringside, with Ar slapping hands all the way.)
Chad: Oh, please. Someone shoot me and put me out of my misery!
Jessie: Taskmaster and Diana leave the ring, leaving only Arlechino and the amazon. Victoria trying a stare down technique…while Arlechino seems to be making faces at her.
Bob: I think that, if I was Arlechino, I wouldn’t be trying to make her angry.
Chad: Finally, and intelligent thought! There’s hope for you yet, Brodsky!
Jessie: And the two of them lock up as we hear the bell. Victoria wraps her arms around Arlechino for a bearhug! Quite an offensive move for beginning a match!
Chad: Victoria’s just trying to prove a point; that she’s better than any clown who has to paint his face just to go out in public!
Bob: Arlechino looking like he’s in some kind of pain down there. Victoria’s got the hug on tight…Arlechino reaching back for the ropes…arching his back…he’s got them!
Chad: Damn! Victoria forced to release the hold by the fascist referee…and a slap to the face of Arlechino!! I love this woman’s style!
Bob: Victoria sends Arlechino to the ropes, but the champ reverses it. Victoria to the ropes…a knee to the mid-section by Arlechino, followed by a DDT! Both wrestlers taking it to the extreme right from the get-go here!
Chad: Wow! Two clichés in a row, Bob. What’s the matter, slipping?
Jessie: And Arlechino to the ropes…and an elbow to the downed amazon! Diana looking pretty uptight out there at ringside!
(The match continues, with each competitor now slowing down and feeling each other out. The momentum swings back and forth, with both champion and challenger feeling the strain of the match.)
Chad: Arlechino clamps a sleeper hold on the amazon! Victoria fighting it…she’s trying to get to the ropes…and an elbow to the guts instead! And another! And another! Arlechino releases the hold…and gets hit with a spinebuster! Victoria off the ropes…big leg drop!
Jessie: It looks like we might have a new champion if Victoria can keep up this momentum. A pin…1…2…kickout by Arlechino!
Bob: And the champ is in trouble as Victoria picks him up off the mat. And Arlechino counters with a kick to the mid-section! And a chop! And another chop! Arlechino fighting his way free. He runs to the turnbuckle, up to the second rope. A head-bob and a duck down by Victoria. Arlechino with a backward dive…and he’s caught in mid-air by Victoria!!! What an incredible display of power!
Chad: And Vic’s taking her time with the freak as she lifts him up to her shoulder. She gets ready to ram him into the turnbuckle. She’s set, she’s ready, she charges…
Jessie: And Arlechino slips off! Victoria charging shoulder-first into the steel ring-post!! I felt that all the way up here, folks. Arlechino off the ropes…leg lariat on the amazon!! She’s down and…Arlechino to the top rope!! It looks like…a moonsault!! He hits it, and a pin! 1…2…3!!
Chad: Nothing ever goes right for me, does it?!?
M.D.: The winner of the match, and still Intercontinental Champion, Arlechino!!
Bob: And it looks like Diana’s going to charge the ring to protest the decision!! The ref stops her, Taskmaster in the ring too now!!! Arlechino moves over to the fallen Victoria!! What’s he going to…
Jessie: It looks like Ar is helping the battered Victoria to her feet, folks!! Victoria seems stunned, weather by the moonsault or by Arlechino I’m not sure. They seem to be exchanging a few words…Arlechino giving a Victoria a hug…what’s happening here?
Bob: Looks to me like a display of good sportsmanship. Arlechino taking the belt and he and Taskmaster head back to the locker rooms, leaving two stunned Amazons in the ring.
(Diana and Victoria have a somewhat heated conversation. Victoria suddenly seems to realize her situation, and regains her stern composure. She and her partner go back to the locker room.)
Jessie: Well, fans, that’s all the time we’ve got for this week’s show–
Chad: Say, did this episode feel…really big to you?
Bob: Yeah! Kinda huge, actually!
Lisa: No kidding! But it was sure fun working with you guys, you’re so funny and smart!
Jessie: Lisa, you’ve gotta stop doing that! That stuns them for a good thirty seconds every time!
Lisa: I know, but it’s SUCH a power trip.
Jessie: (Giggles.) I see your point. Anyway, for the rest of my broadcast colleagues, this is Jessie James saying so long!
SINGLES RANKINGS AS OF 03/09/96
ICWF World’s Champion – The Masked Marauder
ICWF Intercontinental Champion – Arlechino
ICWF Television Champion – Gretchen Gwynne
ICWF North American Champion – Jessica Spangles
ICWF United States Champion – Spanish Rose
1) The Vision in Violet
5) Penny Anydots
6) Jennifer Sanders
7) Python Princess
8) Elena Quartermain
10) Kelly Kandelski
12) Penny Lancaster
13) Judith Joyce
14) Rob Foster
16) Kevin Taylor
18) Gretchen Gwynne
19) Janet Lane
22) Deborah Duncan
23) Cam Shaft
24) Caray Zents
25) Sizzlin’ Belle
TAG TEAM RANKINGS AS OF 03/09/96
World’s Champions: Jennifer Sanders & the Python Princess
Intercontinental Champions: Fury
US Champions : The Body Girls
1) Rob Foster & the Masked Marauder
2) Leather & Lace
3) The Amazons
4) The Queens
5) Ray Fisher & Kevin Taylor
7) Politically Correct
8) The SuperPowers
9) Edsel & Kidd
10) Thunder & Lightning
Born to be Wild