As the controversy continues over who is the real Celestial Champion, both alleged champions defend their titles as Lindsay Locke defends against Laura Parker and Tiffany Lane defends against Porsha Penbroke
Newsflash: Breast Enhancements. Nudity. Over the Top Violence. Today, the women’s wrestling union went into negotiations with several of the top wrestling promotions over these issues and their legality. The Union claims that women are not treated like their male counterparts in the wrestling industry. They are treated like objects.
They are expected to be calendar girls and models, often forcing the women to undergo vast surgeries to even come close to marketable. With a renewal of the contract and the possible future of women’s wrestling in the United States on the line, they’re looking to make that change…
Battling Ring Angels Pay Per View presents, Frozen Hearts 2001.
Kenny- “And we are on the air!”
Cari- “Who are you actually telling that to? Think about it, if they hear you, they know that. If not? Then it doesn’t really matter what you said. Hello People… I am Cari “The Brat” Trammel, and this is my co-host…”
Cari- “The Geek…”
Kenny- “Harbor, and welcome to Frozen Hearts 2001. Tonight’s match- ups are culminations of months of rage finally having been signed and delivered. I can’t begin to tell you everything that’s happened, and with the rumors of an impending strike, I can’t begin to tell you just what might occur tonight.”
Cari- “Oh, they won’t strike.”
Cooley- “Hey guys! I’m back. Figured I’d check out a match or two tonight? What’s shakin? Oh, hello fans, I’m Cooley Maeut. I’m an appreciator of nice things… and lets face it, these women qualify.”
Kenny- “How exactly did you get your job again?”
Black. Sizzling lights and flashing screens, pyrotechnics erupting madly about the house as the crowd roars its approval. The camera scans the crowd passing signs like “Nina’s knows best!” “Smell the Roses!” “And Beware of the Snake pit.”
Kenny: “Let’s get ready for our first match. We have newcomer’s Double E taking on newcomers Simply Irresistible.”
Double E vs. Simply Irresistible
La Grange, by ZZ Top Elektra and Etna come out of the entrance. Elektra, grinning, runs down to the ring, zigzagging and slapping hands on both sides. She lingers with the fans adjacent to the ring before joining Etna, who has simply walked to the ring steps, composed. Moira Young, the ref quickly checks the two newcomers as we await the entrance of our next opponent.
The Angeltron comes to life, flashing in large red letters, ‘RICH BITCH’. Pictures of Alexandria Parker destroying opponents flash onto the screen, showing some of her greatest moves, concluding with a montage` of her flipping off ‘fans’, and the smashing the infamous mirror over the head of a fallen Janus.
An explosion occurs from the back and fireworks falling from the ceiling are the next visual treat as Trina’s Baddest B*tch writhes across arena speakers. Standing poised at the top of the ramp is Team Parker (comprised of Alexandria Parker, Miss. Vanity, and Jordan). Alex wears a black skintight mini dress with diamond-studded stiletto heels. Her blazin’ red locks fall flat down her back. Miss. Vanity, holding Alex’s tag title high in the air, wears a black mini dress from the Parker Collection with matching Prada pumps. Her blonde hair is slightly curled on the ends.
Jordan who holds the infamous mirror wears leather, black Prada pants with matching boots and belt. His raven hair, corn rolled straight back Team Parker find their way to ringside and Alex puts on a headset.
Miss. Parker: “Wow what an entrance those two had. Did you see they way Double E hit the ring?”
Kenny: “What are you two doing here Alex?”
Miss. Parker: “Alex, when did you and I get on good terms, it’s still Miss Parker!”
Cari: “Yeah it’s Miss. Parker.”
Kenny: “Well than Miss. Parker what brings you here? Are you here to attack the up and coming tag teams of BRA to ensure you a long and healthy tag reign?”
Miss. Parker: “I’m simply here to see the future of BRA’s tag division.”
Cooley: “Hey Kenny chill. If these hot chicks wanna come out and sit with the cool man himself, then let em’.”
Moira walks over to the announcer as they conference for a few moments.
Cooley: “What are they waiting for?”
Cari: “I’m no genius, well actually I am but I think there waiting for Simply Irresistible.”
Miss. Parker: “Does it really matter? I mean this is the time in the show for snacks and bathroom breaks.”
Kenny: “Those are truly harsh words Miss. Parker. There was once a day when no one knew who you were and you were in this same predicament. New face to BRA.”
Miss. Parker: (waving her hand over her mouth feigning boredom) “But where are we now?”
Cari: “She told you.”
Announcer: “They referee has decided that Double E’s opponents Simply Irresistible have a twenty count to enter the ring or the match will be awarded to Double E.”
The ref, Moria Young, begins the count.
“One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty.”
Moira signals for the bell.
Kenny: “Hey where are you going?”
Cooley: “Maybe she wants to get a closer look.”
Kenny: “Come on Cooley we’re talking about Alexandria Parker. I doubt if her and Miss. Vanity just want to take a closer look at BRA’s competition.”
Alexandria grabs a mic and enters the ring as Miss. Vanity fishes under the ring.
The fans boo even before Alex has a chance to speak.
Miss. Parker: “Well I’m very glad to see that many of you still love me so dearly. Ladies you two both look so tired from your debut match. First last week you no showed and now this week your opponent did a no show.”
The two women are definitely on their guard. They may be new to BRA but they definitely know who Alexandria is.
Miss. Parker: You can come closer ladies it’s okay. I don’t bite. In fact I’m a very nice person. I see you ladies have something that we need here in BRA. You two are world class athletes and deserved only the best. I want to take you two under my wing. Under my wing as BRA’s current tag team champion. Under wing as a member of BRA’s most elite stable in BRA. Under my wing as BRA’s most successful tag champion.
The crowd pops
Miss. Parker: “The Sisterhood of Seduction. We want you two.”
The two ladies are indeed shocked. Is a member of BRA’s most elite stable asking them to join forces and work hand and hand?
Miss. Parker: “You two ladies will be a member of BRA’s most elite. What do you say? Better yet there’s really no need of you two answering. We all know that anybody would jump on an opportunity top wrestle side by side with Nina, Tiffany, Jenny and I. Imagine what it will do for you career. You’ll have no Limitations. No Boundaries!The world will be yours to share. This will be your stage.”
Alex hands the duo her BRA tag gold
“Here try this on.”
The two ladies both reach for the title putting taking turns putting it around their waist.
Miss. Parker: “Look how good you look with this around your waist.”
The two start to feel very comfortable as they both try on BRA’s tag gold. Raise your hands you two are the victor’s. Give a hand for BRA’s future.
Kenny: “What is she up too?”
Cari: “Oh leave her alone Kenny. She could be truly interested in Double E.”
Kenny: “Come on Carrie you and I both know what she’s up two. She was just bad mouthing both teams and now she loves one of them? I don’t buy it. Something’s going on fishy here. Look out! look out!”
Cooley: “Somebody get a broom.”
The victory celebration has quickly ended as Miss. Vanity and Jordan have crept their way into the ring and smashed the mirror over the head of Double E.
Kenny: “She’s conniving, sneaky, manipulating…”
Cari: “Maybe that’s why they call her the ‘Rich Bitch’.”
Miss. Parker: “You two are losers and don’t even deserve to be in the same ring with me. I outclass you from miles away.”
Grabbing her tag title from the downed team and shoving t in their faces.
Miss. Parker: “This belt is for Alexandria Parker not you. So in the future unless you can beat me keep your grubby little hands off.”
Miss. Vanity and Jordan both laugh as the screams in disapproval.
Miss. Parker: “Now for the real reason I’m here. I’m here about the tag team titles. Gina Moore I have carried you long enough. Week after week you disappear and then re-appear. Well the buck stops here.”
After tonight we will no longer compete as a team. Next week you and me will go one on one to determine BRA’s tag champion. Clear your schedule for next week because we have a date with destiny.”
Cooley: “Is this legal?”
Cari: “I don’t think she cares.”
Kenny- “Well, there you have it. Not only has Double E made their introduction to Battling Ring Angels with a count out, they’ve been officially welcomed through the actions of Alexandria Parker. Not the first night they dreamed on, I’m sure.”
Cooley- “Well, I think I’ll take my leave now. Cold shower and all. Whoo. I love this sport.”
Kenny and Cari- “What a pervert.”
Cari and Kenny- “Did we just agree?”
Kenny and Cari- “Stop that!”
Kenny- “Enough of that. So, what is your opinion on the challenge as issued by Alex Parker, to her tag partner, Gina Moore?”
Cari- “I think it’s that chicken hatching counting thing. They still have to get by Revolution tonight, and Slick and Angeldust is no easy competition. I don’t think they’ll walk away with the titles.”
Kenny- “It doesn’t matter, they’ll both be out at the picket lines anyway. Maybe they can have a hardcore match with picket signs?”
Cari- “Will you shut up about that? I have been in this sport for almost ten years now and it’s taken the violence, it’s taken the breast enlargements, it’s taken the nudity to get enough attention to make a place like this viable. Striking would be the end of Women’s wrestling.”
Kenny- “And what timing! With Gabrielle and Johnny warring for control of the company, they have pulled all the stops out to bring the wrestlers to their sides. It can be said, they’ve lent to the complaints.”
Cari- “We have two Celestial Title holders… Two Celestial Title defenses. Johnny claims the last champion, Tiffany Lane is the viable figurehead for Battling Ring Angels. Gabrielle has chosen Lindsay Locke. When do they decide who is true?”
The camera once again pans across the crowded arena catching banners and signs that give indications of where most people’s loyalties lie. Some of the fortunate ones to catch the camera’s eye include “I do Nina, I do” Janus is not Dead” Rose may be Red and Sierra Blue, but Twilight Zone can take the both you!” and “I would Cell my soul to Double E”. Once again Kenny and Cari are ready to bring you the next match.
Kenny: “This will be the highlight of my night! Peggy Christian returns to BRA!”
Cari: “Yes, and as much as I don’t really care for Veronica Millions, I have to feel sorry for her!”
Kenny: “You haven’t even seen Peggy yet and already your willing to shove her in a hole and bury her!”
Cari: “What’s to see? She lost a match last week to an over the hill, talent less jobber who had won one match previously.”
Kenny: “That is very unfair! Peggy dominated the early part of that match but she was suffering from jet lag!”
Cari: “Yeah, yeah, whatever, she will still be no match for her former friend and Lindsey’s cousin!”
Kenny: “What do you mean former friend?”
Cari: “Where have you been? They had a tiff over the Sisterhood and broke up! Boo hoo!”
Veronica Millions/Peggy Christian vs. Samantha Staffer/Mixie Locke
The lights dim and Shimmer by Fuel rocks the arena as Veronica Millions steps out from behind the curtain accompanied by her orderly. She then walks down to the ring, not even looking at the fans on the way. She wears a white Nike sweatshirt and low cut black boots, but upon entering the ring removes the sweatshirt revealing a pink satin high cut bikini that draws a chorus of catcalls from some of the less couth members of the crowd.
Kenny: “Wow, Veronica sure knows how to grab an audience!”
Cari: “Pity she can’t wrestle! She is getting more brutal though.”
Kenny: “She can do it all if she sets her mind to it.”
Cari: “Aye, there’s the rub!”
Suddenly the opening riffs of a very familiar tune belt out loud across the sound system and the crowd roars as Peggy Christian splits the curtains just as Tom Jones begins the vocals to “She’s a Lady”. Accompanying her is the unfamiliar figure of a woman in her mid forties dressed in a tracksuit with “Peggy Christian” written boldly across the back. Peggy wears a full-length robe of black silk covered in white stars as she slaps the hands of the reaching fans on her way to the ring. As she enters the ring she removes her robe and hands it to the other woman waiting on the outside to reveal a sky blue one piece suit with an impression of a rising sun on the lower half. She also wears white wrestling boots as she tugs at the ropes, looking very focused.
Cari: “Who’s the bitch? Peggy’s nurse?”
Kenny: “That is Miss Christian’s new manager Cindy Avery.” Says on my data bank that she used to be a flight attendant.
Cari: “Well, that should be OK. Aren’t they supposed to be trained in first aid?”
Kenny: “Sure, but why do you ask?”
Cari: “I have a feeling Christian will need it!”
“Intergalactic” from The Beastie Boys starts to play throughout the arena. Mixie Locke appears at the ramp. The crowd gives a good cheer for this popular newcomer. Mixie has a very intense and focused look on her face as she walks briskly towards the ring. She slaps hands with the fans at the rail, making sure to get as many of them as possible on the way. The toned and tanned athletic young woman wears a pair of black spandex shorts with the words “All Mixed Up” on the back in red letters. She wears black wrestling boots with the letters “ML” on the top in red letters and red kneepads.
She wears a white T-shirt that says “Mixie Locke: The Hardest Working Girl In Wrestling” on the front in blue letters. Beneath the words is a South Park style drawing of Mixie. On the back it says “Mixie Locke: Not Just Another Jobber World Tour 2000” and beneath that a variety of cities where she has wrestled and dates next to each one. Beneath the T she wears a black spandex sports bra style top. She has two earrings in her left ear, and three in her right. Her belly button is pierced as well, as shown by the slightly too short T- shirt. When she gets to ringside, she takes a good look at the ring and the arena, taking it all in. She enjoys the crowd’s support for a few moments before she climbs to the ring apron and to the ropes. She enters the ring and sticks her tongue out at her opponent, showing off the stud in her tongue. She pauses for the referee to check her for any foreign objects, and stretches in the corner waiting for the start of the match.
Kenny: “Certainly another girl who has grown her share of popularity since her arrival to BRA!”
Cari: “Again, pity she can’t wrestle!”
Kenny: “With you it seems that if they don’t cheat, they’re no good!”
Cari: “Am I ever wrong? Nice guys finish last!”
One more time the lights dim and “Another one Bites the Dust” by Queen heralds the arrival of the last wrestler as Samantha Staffer steps out and pauses with a coy smirk on her face. This sends the crowd into frenzy as the tall redhead winks at the raving onlookers before strutting toward the ring. She wears a shiny black one-piece suit that is seductively short and clings to all the right places and tall black leather boots. Her fiery red hair hangs down her back in a single braid and sways with her movement as she steps through the ropes into the ring, doing a turn around the inside before joining her partner in the corner and exchanging a high five.
Cari: “Likely the best of a bad lot tonight. She will make a good addition to the Sisterhood!”
Kenny: “I just can’t see it! Why the Sisterhood!”
Cari: “She has seen the light you might say. It’s hard to work alone in this business.”
Kenny: “She had Peggy Christian for support!”
Cari: “Like I said, it’s hard to work alone in this business!”
Referee Oni Malvolio signals for the bell as both Mixie and Peggy step outside leaving Veronica and Samantha to begin. They meet in the center for a lock up but as Veronica reaches she suddenly holds short and drives a knee hard to the stomach of Samantha. The redhead gasps in surprise as Veronica follows with a spinning heel kick to the side of her head that drops her to the mat. Still in a daze Samantha winces as Veronica leaps up and drops a hard elbow to her inner thigh! Samantha rolls away to the ropes and gets to her feet in time to see Veronica charge at her and ducks just in time and flips Veronica up and over the ropes and down to the floor below with a mighty crash!
Kenny: “Ouch! Veronica is not moving too fast after that! Samantha looks like she might make good Sisterhood material after all!”
Cari: “Simple matter of self-preservation!”
Malvolio begins counting after she cautions Staffer about her tactics. Samantha walks around the ring shaking her head as she waits for Veronica to return. Finally Millions rolls under the ropes to her knees but Samantha is on her quick. The redhead reaches down for her opponent’s head but is caught by a vicious shot between the knees just out of view of the ref.
Kenny: “Low blow! That was awful!”
Cari: “I’m starting to like her a lot more! She’s all of 115 pounds but she is handling the 150-pound Staffer well!”
Kenny: “Only because she is cheating!”
Veronica gets up and grabs Samantha by the hair and drags her over to her corner where she tags in Peggy. The housewife is in fast and staggers Samantha with an elbow to her back. Then grabbing her head, Peggy snap mares Samantha to the mat. Samantha rolls up to her feet as Peggy rushes her and snags her in a side headlock but Samantha plants her feet and wraps her arms around Peggy’s waist before hoisting her up and slamming her backward in a suplex!
Cari: “That’s a sound we have heard before! 160 pounds of waste hitting the mat! Wham!”
Kenny: “Great recovery by Staffer, she was starting to look a little shell-shocked there as both Veronica and Peggy worked her over!”
Peggy rolls to her knees grabbing her back but is dragged to her feet by Samantha who scoops up the big woman like she was no heavier than Veronica and slams her down hard before walking to her corner and tagging Mixie in. Peggy gets up slow, her face showing the pain but as she gets up is sent reeling into the ropes with a quick dropkick from Locke. She gets quick to her feet and grabs a stunned Peggy’s arm and whips her across the ring and sends her hard to the canvass with a clothesline to the throat! Peggy grabs her throat but Mixie keeps up the pace, rolling her heavier opponent over to her stomach then reaching for her arms and yanking them back as she places a boot high on Peggy’s back!
Cari: “Standing surfboard! Mixie Locke could have this match won!”
Kenny: “Peggy is in pain but she’s shaking her head! I told you, this is not the old Peggy anymore!”
Cari: “She may be a little more focused, but she still can’t wrestle!”
Malvolio asks Peggy again for a submission but she steadfastly refuses as Cindy shouts encouragement from the outside. Mixie finally releases the hold and walks to the front of her opponent, pulling her up the head. Peggy grabs at Mixie’s arms but before she can have any effect Mixie swings her around and drops her bigger foe with a swinging neck breaker!
Cari: “Mixie Locke starting to show her time in the Indy’s was not a total waste!”
Kenny: “She’s a very dynamic wrestler like her cousin, but don’t count Peggy or Veronica out.”
Back in the ring Mixie wraps up Peggy in a step over toehold and works her left leg mercilessly causing a look of tortured anguish on the face of the big woman. But within a few seconds Mixie finds her self flying into the ropes as Peggy drives her free leg hard to her stomach. As the younger woman bounces off she runs right into the feet of Peggy who launches her up and over to the mat on her back.
Kenny: “Great reversal by Peggy Christian! Mixie Locke is stunned! Oh my gosh, she just rolled over backward! Peggy has a schoolgirl pin on Mixie! The referee is counting!”
Cari: “NOOO! Nice reversal by Mixie this time!”
Just as Peggy finished rolling onto Mixie’s chest the small woman reacted quick and hooked her arms under Peggy’s shoulders and dragged her off before the one count and rolled it into a pin attempt of her own.
Cari: “She’s got her!”
Kenny: “Kick out by Peggy! Great action!”
Mixie rolls away to the side and quickly tags in Samantha as Peggy gets to her feet and turns for her corner but never makes it as Samantha grabs her by the arm inches before she makes the tag. Peggy looks tired as she is swung around by Samantha and locked in a front face lock. Samantha does not hesitate as she drops backward and slams Peggy’s head to the mat with a DDT.
Kenny: “That was close! Peggy’s tired and needs to make a tag quick!”
Cari: “Her opponent’s see this and I doubt Veronica will see the inside of the ring again unless she is very lucky!”
Meanwhile Samantha gets to her feet and drags a worse for wear looking Peggy up with her before picking her up in a fireman’s carry. As the crowd cheers Samantha starts to spin her heavy opponent around several times before letting her fly off and crash heavily to the mat!
Cari: “Airplane spin toss! Staffer is not letting up at all on her former tag partner!”
Kenny: “That one hurt, Peggy is very slow to recover from that!”
Cari: “Check out the look on Staffer’s face! It’s not one of friendship I guarantee!”
Samantha once again hauls the visibly fading Peggy back to her feet. Grabbing her hair she runs to her the corner where Mixie is waiting and slams the hapless housewife’s head into the top turnbuckle before tagging in her partner again. Peggy tries valiantly to move from the corner and slowly starts to weave toward her corner.
Kenny: “I don’t know how Peggy is still on her feet! She is showing a lot of fortitude but I don’t think she is going to make her corner in time to tag!”
Cari: “I promise she won’t! Locke is up on the top turnbuckle! She’s capable of anything from there!”
Kenny: “There she goes!”
Cari: “Missile dropkick right to the back! Christian hit the mat like a sack of potatoes!”
In the ring Mixie rolls to her knees and catches her breath as she surveys her opponent laying flat on the mat face down and hardly moving. In the far corner Veronica looks livid as she stomps the mat in frustration from her inability to get in the ring. Cindy Avery looks on in stunned silence as her wrestler tries to struggle off the mat, exhausted and in obvious agony. Amazingly as a large part of the crowd chants her name she drags herself to her feet just as Mixie climbs the corner again, but instead of heading for her own corner a dazed Peggy stumbles right towards where Mixie waits.
Kenny: “Peggy is in a daze! She doesn’t know which way she is going!”
Cari: “This will be fun!”
Mixie waits for just the right moment and leaps off the corner and lands a perfect shooting star press on Peggy!
Cari: “Going for the pin! Not even hooking the leg!”
Kenny: “NO! Peggy throws the arm up at the last second! How did she manage that!”
Cari: “I am shaking my head! I don’t believe it! She is actually amazing me!”
Mixie has a look of disbelief as well as she gets up and back to her feet. With an effort she drags Peggy up as well and walks her to her corner where she scoops up the big woman and powers her down with a body slam before tagging Samantha back in.
Kenny: “Staffer looked really anxious to get back in the ring!”
Cari: “I don’t think she likes being betrayed! This is the best place for her to show it.”
Kenny: “That’s a strong word to use against a woman with the integrity of Peggy Christian! Both her and Veronica are former members of the Body Shop!”
Cari: “And watching this match you see why they died!”
Peggy can only drag her feet as Samantha drags her from the corner and easily snap mares her to the mat. Samantha drops to a sitting position behind the prone Peggy and drags her head up and locks her strong legs around Peggy’s head starts to squeeze! The housewife weakly kicks her legs and tries with no luck to pry the legs from her head!
Cari: “The look of satisfaction on Samantha’s face is sweet! She’s ENJOYING dishing out this punishment!”
Kenny: “She can end this anytime and she knows it. I have to agree with you!”
Cari: “Will wonders never cease!”
Samantha works her legs with ease, weakening Peggy more and more until her struggling almost stops. Oni Malvolio checks Peggy again but signals for the match to continue as the big woman refuses to submit! Samantha finally releases the hold and gets to her feet and walks around the unmoving body of her victim. As she gets back around to the head Samantha drags Peggy to her feet and practically holds her up as she bends down and scoops the housewife up and holds her upside down for a moment. Then, as a smile crosses her lips she drops Peggy back first across her extended knee hard as a sickening groan escapes Peggy’s lips before she rolls limp to the mat. Samantha lies lazily across the shoulders of her victim as Malvolio ends the torture.
Kenny: “It’s over!”
DING DING DING
Cari: “About as complete a victory as you could ever hope to see!”
Kenny: “It was hotly contested for a while, but the teamwork of Locke and Staffer were too much for their opponents. Once they got Peggy wore down they exploited her lack of match fitness and never looked back.”
Cari: “I never thought I would say this, but I give Peggy Christian… credit!”
Kenny: “You…you do!”
Cari: “She showed some life I have never seen in her before, and she never gave up. She still can’t wrestle her way out of a wet paper bag, but she actually impressed me tonight.”
Kenny: “I am going to write this down! Wow!”
Cari- “oh, get over it. Now that we’re past this warm up nonsense, let’s get to the hate. The others have made their displays. They’ve given me an opportunity to get my nap in. To get my coke, and damnit… Now I want blood. I want the people to see just how serious this is, without the nudity, without the breast implants… it’s real.
They get your attention. This will keep it.”
A scrambling of light brought the Angeltron to life, images scrolling across to best define the new parameters of the next match. The camera comes to rest on Samantha Slick, Sasha Crowley and a third blonde woman equal to them in height. The woman holds some papers in her hand. Gary Grimiore approaches with a microphone.
Samantha: “Gary, I’d like you to meet my attorney Ms. Tiffany Twystid. She has something she’d like to say to one of my opponents tonight, or more specifically her valet. Twyst, go ahead.”
Gary turns as the blonde woman comes up next to him.
Tiffany: “That’s Twystid. T-W-Y-S-T-I-D. What I am holding in my hand here is a restraining order. It states that Ms. Vanity is not permitted to come within 100 yards of my client. As you can see, it’s signed by a duly appointed magistrate. The Honorable Judge Harlan B. Spurious. If Ms. Vanity chooses to violate this order, she risks jail time and fines.”
She hands the papers to Gary. Samantha leans over.
Samantha: “So I guess we won’t be seeing any fun with mirrors tonight.”
The three blonde women laugh as they walk away.
Cari- “Alex without Miss Vanity? Has this ever occurred before?”
Kenny- “According to my computer… No. I guess it’s time to see if the Alex Parker is a one trick Pony.”
Cari- “Well, here we go again. It’s Another match up of the good, the bad, and the ugly. The difference? This time it’s for the gold, as for the first time in months, we get to see the defense of the Battling Ring Angels Tag Team Titles.”
Kenny- “Well, it’s not exactly like there is an abundance of tag teams out there recently. Everyone is looking to make their mark as a singles, where there’s more fame. Everyone is afraid of having a reputation of being unable to handle it out there alone.”
Angeldust/Samantha Slick vs. Alex Parker/Gina Moore
Cari- “As we watch the lackluster entrance of Angeldust, one has to wonder what would happen if she were to walk away a champion? With the backing of the Revolution and her relationship with our Celestial Champion, she cannot be counted as an underdog in this match… in fact, if I were a betting woman…”
Kenny- “Twenty Bucks.”
Cari- “Done! You’re gonna regret this. Without Miss Vanity, Alex Parker’s offense is severely weakened and it has to throw off some of the mental aspects of her game.”
Kenny- “Mental aspects? -SWING THE MIRROR, I’m LOSING!- Isn’t exactly something that took an evil genius a stellar event to come up with.”
Cari- “Oh sure, make jokes at the expense of the gifted, but remember who wins matches and who just calls them. There is a certain pride that comes with not just winning, but also doing so in a fashion that makes you a constant reminder. I believe that Mirror does the job quite well.”
Kenny- “Well, I think we’re about to see whose gonna be twenty dollars richer. One has to wonder exactly, if any, what impact the impending strike is having tonight. Do they really care who wins or loses?
The arena gets dark. The haunting opening of “Bad Company” from Bad Company echo’s through the cavernous building.
/7 Company, always on the run Destiny, is a rising sun I was born, six gun in my hand Behind a gun, I’ll make my final stand That’s why they call meâ€¦ Bad Companyâ€¦’till the day I die. /7
As the chorus begins, pyrotechnics flash by the entrance. When the flash of light is gone, three women stand by the curtain. They crowd boos and shows its displeasure as Samantha Slick, Sasha Crowley and Brenda Busley make their way to the ring.
The black leather pants are by Prada, the tan turtleneck is Dolce & Gabana. Samantha finishes her outfit with the turquoise and yellow cowboy boots that are symbolic of the leader of The Hit Squad. Sasha wears black leather pants and a dark blue velvet shirt. She finishes her outfit with some heavy biker boots. The blonde woman’s sleeves are rolled back to show off the large Dragon Tale tattoo that stretches down her right arm.
Brenda wears black jeans and a Hit Squad tee shirt. She, too, wears heavy black biker boots and finishes her look with a ball cap reading “American Outlaws” on the front and “Morgan Creek Pictures” on the back.
Kenny- “So, let me get this right? It’s alright for Samantha to bring her thug companion, but Miss Vanity is banned from ringside due to a restraining order? Does this not sound just a little bit fishy to you?”
Cari- “Since when does Brenda add seven years of bad luck to her lifespan with each trip to the ring? She’s there for moral support, nothing more.”
Kenny- “You’re so full of…”
The crowd is not afraid to boo The Hit Squad members. Samantha and Sasha stop every few paces to point out a particularly offensive fan and whisper to one another. Usually this ends with some laughing, that only gets the fans angrier. Brenda walks closer to the rail, showing the back of her hand to a few obnoxious fans along the way. She pulls a sign away from one that reads “Samantha’s Sick!” and tears it in half, throwing the two halves back at the fan.
The three women reach the ring and Samantha and Sasha enter while Brenda patrols the outside. Sasha produces a microphone and flips it on. The crowd boos in anticipation of her and Samantha speaking.
Sasha: “It’s a damn shame that tonight one who I recruited so heavily has to drop her belt. Gina, you had such potential. I did everything I could to bring you along and set you up. But you just never lived up to the hype. I’m sorry things didn’t work out, Gina. I really am.”
Kenny- “Do we really have to listen to her?”
Cari- “We listen to you, don’t we?”
Kenny- “Otherwise, they would be treated to your constantly biased opinions as an announcer.”
Cari- “As opposed to your overindulgence in stats and figures?”
Kenny- “Facts. None of them biased. None of them emotional outbursts. each a piece of data collected and checked for the utmost accuracy and to actually have something interesting to say during a match.”
Cari- “Interest comes from experience, not from your laptop. I think your girlfriend would agree with that?”
The fans voice their displeasure as Sasha hands the microphone over to Samantha. She and Sasha share a whispered joke and another laugh while the fan continue to serenade them with a chorus of disdain. She waits for a lull in the catcalls and boos.
Samantha: Gina, I still think you could be something. I do. That’s why I’m going to give you one more chance. If you turn on Parker right now take her belt and bring both of them down here to me, I’ll let you keep your job. If you don’t–You’re Fired!
The crowd seems to take great pleasure in booing Samantha. Sasha offers last minute advice and exits the ring as Samantha preps for the match.
Kenny spoke with some hesitation in his voice, “I don’t… oh, never mind. Here come our champions. One has to wonder exactly what we’re in for here, as Alex Parker’s earlier comments about her partner cannot exactly cement their relationship.
The Angeltron comes to life, flashing in large red letters, ‘RICH BITCH’. Pictures of Alexandria Parker destroying opponents flash onto the screen, showing some of her greatest moves, concluding with a montage` of her flipping off ‘fans’, and the smashing the infamous mirror over the head of Porsha Pembroke.
An explosion occurs from the back and fireworks falling from the ceiling are the next visual treat as Trina’s Daddest B*tch writhes across arena speakers. Standing poised at the top of the ramp is a reconfigured Team Parker, noticeably absent of Miss Vanity. Alex wears a red, Gucci skintight cat suit with matching boots and kicking pads. Her fire red locks fall flat down her back.
Jordan who bares the golden symbol of supremacy known as the Battling Ring Angels Tag Title, wears leather, red Sean John pants with matching boots and belt. His raven hair, cornrolled straight back. Jordan holds the mirror as Alex and Miss. Vanity pose in the ring for any quick photo’s from the crowd. Alex lightly stretches before the match. curls.
Cari- “Where’s Miss Vanity?”
Spoken with true sarcasm as the former wrestler sprained her neck looking for the banned accomplice. She always relished such pursuits.
Kenny- “As you all saw earlier, Samantha Slick has a restraining order against Alex’s Valet, Miss Vanity. It will be interesting to see how she functions without her in the corner.”
Both announcers are interrupted as The crowd begins to come alive as they hear the opening bars of “It’s Hard to be a Saint in the City” by Bruce Springsteen. As the gruff wailer from the shores of New Jersey begins to spout his poetic lyrics, the granite goddess of demolition begins to make her way down the runway, dressed in a turquoise tank top and biker shorts that show off the angular muscles, along with matching boots, knee and elbow pads, and wristbands, eyes shifting from side to side. Fans shout out and try to slap her hands, but she flatly ignores them, so they try even harder.
As Gina begins to reach the ring, her head drops down so her hair covers her eyes. Gina’s head jerks suddenly upward, and it is as if a new, different, angrier person is staring back into the camera. Her rock-hard muscles flex involuntarily as she mounts the steps to the ring.
Cari- “Will you look at those? Huge! I don’t think I would want to be Alexandria Parker tonight. She has two enemies before her and one behind her.”
Kenny- “At least the one behind her has a common goal of retaining that gold, but I would not expect a lot of camaraderie.”
Gina’s eyes met with Alex’s, neither woman’s wavering while those across allowed their eyes to become enlightened with glittering gold while awaiting the sounding of the bell. So very soon would it be their time.
Cari- “Who do I root for?”
Kenny- “We could try objectivity for a change?”
Cari- “Is that anything like idolatry or adultery?”
With the formalities taken care of in the ring, the women took to their respective corners to hash out who would begin the melee, Angeldust taking point against the red head, Alex Parker.
It always begins with a circle, doesn’t it? Two women sizing each other up through slow steps and eye contact, searching for weakness. A quick fake took Angeldust to a knee, then back up when Alex didn’t buy. Alex shook her head in amusement at the obvious tactic and continued her circling, preparing to move in. Reaching over the ropes, Samantha pushed on the back of the Rich Bitch to urge her into combat.
“Any day now!” Screamed Gina Moore as Alex whirled against the enforcer of the Revolution, throwing a right hand hard enough to send Slick off the apron. Angeldust moved in quickly against her blindsided foe, hammering her hard into her team’s corner. Angel quickly dug her fingers into her opponents crimson curls, and using her advantage, began to pummel Alex’s face into the turnbuckle, while Slick regained her position outside the ring.
Angeldust counted to herself as her opponent’s cranium ricocheted, eventually digging the second hand into her curls and driving the back of the Rich Bitch’s head into the mat hard in what can only be described as a reverse X-factor. Brushing her own hair from her face, Angeldust held her hand out to bring her partner into the ring. “Who’s carrying who?” Spoke the smug Gina Moore, delighted at her partner’s current state.
Kenny- “An impressive start for the Revolution, having taken it early to the champions. This could very well be their night, as they could walk away with all the gold.”
Cari- “Could? Kenny, I will bet my virginity that they do.”
Kenny- “Which guy would I have to claim that from?”
Samantha stepped through the ropes and with a nod, led her team to a double elbow drop across the chest of Miss Parker. Angel slid out the ropes, leaving her partner to partake of the carnage. Slick sent a kick to the ribcage and followed with a second before reaching down to pull her opponent from the mat.
A quick kick to the gut, and Samantha wrenched her over and dropped her in a perfectly executed powerbomb. “Go shine our belts, Angel.” She said with devilish delight, dropping another elbow across her opponent for a sloppy pin, and two count.
Cari- “Already the Revolution is smelling the kill.”
Kenny- “That was pure arrogance. My statistics show that less than two percent of tag matches end within the first three minutes, and never without all participants having been legal at least once.”
In the ring, Slick pulled her foe back to her feet and raised her arm, driving a steel toed boot into her gut, before dropping an elbow across her back and sending her back to the matt. Reaching out a hand to the eager Angeldust for the tag, she placed her other against the Alex’s throat for the Five.
Angeldust came through the ropes, pulling Alex from the mat while the referee admonished Samantha for her blatant choke. Tucking her head away and looping an arm, Angeldust began to lift the Rich Bitch off the ground. Finally having enough wits to counter, Alex slid from the grasp to land behind her opponent and pushed her forward into her partner. Rebounding from the turnbuckle, Alex hooked her and fell away with a Samoan drop.
Shaking loose some of the sweat in her red curls, Alex moved towards her own corner and with a solid slap across the face, tagged in her partner. It was plain to see, there was not a lot of love in this team. Angel Dust pushed back to her feet barely quick enough to counter the charging Moore with a drop toehold.
Cari- “Alright, everyone’s been legal now. We can get a winner.”
Kenny- “Shut up. It appears as though the champions are taking most of the damage thus far in our match up, a surprising aspect considering the experience their opponents have wrestling together.”
Gina was quick to snap up and deliver a solid forearm to her legal opponent, tossing her violently towards the ropes. Shaking off the effects of the amateur move, She charged Angeldust with a clothesline that could have damn near took her head off. With a glance full of mirth and extended middle digit, she calmly gave Samantha Slick her opinion and pulled Angel from the ground again, sending her stumbling stupidly towards her own corner. It was time for a battle of the giants.
Samantha took the tag willingly, and although a bit displeased with the recent occurrences in the match, still stepped in with every bit of confidence. Eying each other with a common point to prove, they both moved hard against each other with clenched hands, knuckles furled together as they tried to test the strength of the other.
Breast to breast they pushed as both looked to gain that invaluable edge. They exchanged words meant only for the ears of the other, words meant to creep within the corridors of each other’s minds and strike a chord to lead into weakness. “That’s fine and all, but would ya’ll like to try it without the Steroids next time? Please? Thank you”, Chided Alex from her corner. It was a cliché to her, nothing momentous.
Stalemate. A word that best described the current situation, both women’s teeth bared as their efforts reached their zeniths. Sensing an opening, Samantha finally brought a knee into rippled stomach of Gina, doubling her over. Jerking her into the air, Gina’s shoulder came down hard across Slick’s knee, pulling a pained groan from the feminine colossus’s lips.
Kenny- “Such power! Both women forcing each other back and forth before Samantha took the upper hand and that shoulder breaker should solidify that dominance.”
Cari- “Looks like my virginity’s safe.”
Kenny- “You don’t honestly think anyone’s buying that?”
Sensing weakness, Samantha moved quickly to bring Gina into her corner to exploit the recently injured shoulder. Wrenching the arm, her other palm met with her partner’s who quickly came off the top with a double ax handle, drawing further sounds of pain from the woman.
Snatching the injured arm again, Angeldust too wrenched the arm, yanking forcefully down repeatedly upon the commands of her partner. Shaking loose some matted hair, she wrenched harder and snapped Gina towards the ropes, catching her on the return with a hip toss and a follow up, cross arm breaker. The referee was quick to start asking for the submission, but as suspected, Gina refused.
Breaking the hold, Angeldust dropped another knee across Gina’s shoulder and leaned back, reaching for her partner. Samantha accepted eagerly and stepped through, immediately beginning to drive her boot into the tenderized shoulder joint of Gina Moore. Alex Parker looked quietly at her nails, deciding that she’d probably need a manicure after this match. Gina once more came to her feet, urged by Samantha’s hand full of hair. Having her in position, Slick again twisted the arm and pushed it around into a textbook hammerlock, before leaning down and lifting the screaming opponent off the ground with her body weight supported solely on that weakened shoulder.
Cari- “Listen to her scream! I don’t remember a time where Gina was in such form. I told you the revolution was serious tonight.”
Gina shook her head violently to deny submission. Exasperated, Samantha threw her to the ground, arm still pinned behind her back. Gina rolled over slowly, her damaged arm reaching out to better feel it’s own mobility. Samantha snatched it from it’s aimless grasping and jerked the woman back up, snapping her towards the ropes.
She didn’t come back. Something about Alex Parker hanging from the top rope and Gina tumbling over it? Alex looked down at her partner with a coldness reserved for only the most inept of fashion critics, and without so much as a word, reclaimed her tag perch and watched the man in the ring begin to count.
A count out meant she could keep her titles, so there was no urgency for Alex to worry about this count. Why do you think she caused the accident in the first place? Teamwork! Samantha quickly moved to the outside of the ring to claim the opposition, she knew she had to win in the ring to take home the gold.
Alex sprung from the ring shoulder first into Samantha, taking the breath from the larger woman and rolling back to her feet. Here comes Angeldust. It’s official!
Kenny- “A Clusterfuck!”
Cari- “I think the politically correct term is “Slobberknocker”.
Alex and Angeldust quickly broke apart from the other two, slinging each other for the steel barricades separating the participants and spectators. Samantha broke away from the writhing Gina and made for the brawlers, leveling Parker against the railing with a forearm shot. With each member of the revolution grabbing an arm, they pulled once forward, then harder backwards to force the rich bitch into the railing.
A second time. A third. The red streaks showed brightly against the pale skin of Alex Parker, who was finally released as the women flung her into the ring. Dismissing the form of Gina Moore with a wave of her hand, Slick climbed back to the railing while AngelDust slid into the ring.
Alex was quick to her feet and was quick to take the upper hand, twisting Angeldust over her head in a picture perfect belly to belly suplex. Leaping back to her feet, she ran her fingers through her hair and moved in quick for the kill, hauling Angeldust by her own greasy locks toward her corner, before falling across her with a flurry of punches.
Kenny- “Where is Gina going?”
Cari- “Looks like she’s leaving. Who can blame her? She’s been beaten.”
Gina climbed slowly to the top of the ramp way and paused, turning around so as best to witness the remainder of the action. She was without her title. She no longer cared; it was now about the destruction of Alexandria Parker.
In the ring, however, it was not turning out that way. Alex was in full control, raining down right hands across Angel’s unprotected visage. The referee, with a little coercion from Slick, finally stepped up to break it up. Alex didn’t care if she was Dq’d, she was alone, she was… desperate.
A moment apart did little to quell the rage in the tag champion as she moved back in to snatch Angel from the mat. European Uppercut! A second! Stepping back, she watched her wobbly opponent with Faux concern before sending her to the mat with a super kick.
Kenny- “Fatale Kick! She’s looking for the end.”
Alex hooked a leg and waited for it, getting only a two thanks to a quick foot to her back from the charging Slick. She wasn’t about to let Parker go home with those belts. Alex brushed it off and rose back to her feet, staring down the Revolution enforcer.
Knocking a few cobwebs loose, Angel quickly grabbed a leg and attempted a rollup, garnering only a two count.
Cari- “One second from victory.”
Alex was again to her feet, bringing her weakened opponent with her. Angeldust’s mind screamed tag but Alex was just not going to allow it. Pressing her across her shoulders in a fireman’s carry, she stared solemnly at Slick while driving her partner solidly down with a Death Valley Driver. The cover?
A 2. A visual dare is the same as any other and with belts on the line, it wasn’t a doubt that Slick would just let her get away with it. Slick didn’t retreat behind the ropes this time, instead she drove a second boot into Alex, goading her back to her feet. It was time for these two to have it out.
Kenny- “Now, we’re getting down to business.”
Cari- “Get her Samantha!”
Now it was their time. Eyes meeting in hatred, a flashing of steel rending aside the flesh of these two warriors to expose raw emotion.
A right from Alex.
A right from Slick.
A right from Alex.
A right from Slick.
A right from Alex.
A right from Slick.
A right from Alex. A second right from Alex. A third right from Alex and Slick stumbled. Sensing a wobbling Giant, Alex launched herself against the ropes and came off with deadly intentions. With newly found composure, Slick captured Alex and whirled over, driving the woman down in a particularly nasty power slam.
Angeldust slipped slowly from the ring, gasping madly for air. Looking back at the action, she reached over the railing and demanded a chair. Pulling it over and closing it, she felt the coup de grace close at hand.
Back in the ring, Samantha pushed the referee away and lifted Alexandria from the canvas, delivering a series of martial arts strikes across her body as she pressed her against the ropes. Alex slumped across the second rope, deeply drawing breaths for her exhaustion. Samantha tightened a grip in the Rich Bitch’s hair, repeatedly delivering right hands to her now bloodied face.
Angeldust, chair in hand, slid into the ring across from the ring, where Slick continued to ignore the warnings of the referee and relentlessly threw the right hands. Her opponent was beaten in her hands, worse… she knew it. Taking a deep breath, she glanced around the audience and then to her partner, smiling at the idea of putting a chair to use.
One moment was all it would take as Alex drove a shoulder into the gut of Samantha and spun around her, anticipating a retaliatory shot from Angeldust. It came.
She wasn’t there.
Cari- “Oh, someone’s not going to be happy with that.”
Kenny- “It’s a long fly ball out into the green, it’s going… going… going…”
The rest seemed to be a blur as Samantha stumbled over the top rope. Angeldust’s shock gave way to surprise, as Alex hit a quick kick to her stomach, then scooped her up and drove her down between her legs in the aptly named, “Bitch Bomb.” The referee hit the mat.
Simply Destructive has won again. Alex staggered back to her feet and looked out the audience, not really caring what noise they made for her. It was just a pleasure to still be a champion. Wiping the red locks from her eyes, she picked up the chair and pointed towards her “partner”, still watching, unbelieving, from the ramp way.
A tap on the shoulder.
An over the shoulder glance.
Seven Years of Bad Luck. The mirrored shattered without mercy over Gina’s head, dropping the woman instantly in the entrance. It was over.
Kenny- “About your virginity?”
Cari- “Like you would know what to do with it. Alright, fine… She won. Congratulations Alex. There, you happy now, Geek?”
Kenny- “You know, that’s what I love about working with you, your ability to admit when you’re wrong. To honorably say when you’ve made a bad call.”
Cari- “You’re trying out that sarcasm thing on me again, aren’t YOU?”
Kenny- “Well, now that our technicians have cleaned the glass off the ramp and Alex has claimed her titles, I guess we can move on to something else. We can move on to the Fallen Angel Championship match.”
Cari- “For those of you unfamiliar with Battling Ring Angels, which probably means you’re pirating this signal, The Fallen Angel title is a championship that rewards the woman who fights without restrictions.”
Kenny- “Tonight, It’s the Viper, Leslie Magnus defending her crown against the Voodoo queen, Jessica Estrella. Let’s go to the ring.”
We return to Battling Ring Angels and the fans are on their feet. Row after row, all the way to the rafters, they stand and cheer. Many hold signs and placards. The camera pans across the arena to give a few glimpses of the signs. Some of the more catchy ones say: “I came to Just Watch Lindsay!”; “Samantha Staffer is the best!”; and “Bow down before the Goddess Nina LaRue.” The camera focuses on Cari and Kenny sitting at the announce position.
Kenny: “Cari, up next we have one that promises to get rough.”
Cari: “And bloody.”
Kenny: “You might want to put the kiddies to bed before this one.”
Cari: “I have no kids.”
Kenny: “Well, then you’re fine.”
Jessica Estrella vs. Viper
Red spotlights streak across the entire arena, bathing sections of the crowd in red before moving to other sections. Finally, the all seem to coalesce at the head of the entrance ramp. Under the single red spotlight stands a hooded female figure. Her head is bent down and the brown robe hides her body. Her hands are at her sides. Without warning, her head goes back and sticks up towards the sky. The hood falls and a spray of red mist shoots out of her mouth. When the face comes back to level, we see that it is Jessica Estrella. Her face is painted white and black, in resemblance of a skeleton. Her face is splattered with red spots from the mist, and her chin and tongue drip the liquid all over her face, giving a very unsettling look.
Carlos Santana’s `Black Magic Woman’ can be heard from the arena soundsystem as she begins to slowly walk to the ring, followed by members of The Hit Squad. First is her tag team partner Porsha Pembroke. Behind her is Sasha `The Dragon Lady’ Crowley, Samantha Slick and her bodyguard Brenda Busley. Jessica’s light brown hair, frizzed and loose, waves as she stalks her way to the ring. Her eyes betray an almost trance like state. Glassy and distant, they display a woman intent on her mission.
Jessica slowly climbs into the ring, completely oblivious of the crowd and their jeers. She removes the robe to reveal an outfit consisting of black vinyl karate pants, loose fitting and tied off with a red belt. She wears red wrestling boots. She wears a black and white tee shirt reading: `The Hit Squad’ on the front and the back proclaims: `If we hit you once, you won’t get back up.’ She sticks her tongue into the air and wiggles it slowly back and forth, allowing the red mist to run all over her chin.
As The Hit Squad members prepare for their parts in the match, Jessica starts to signal for them to go backstage. At first, they seem unsure of her meaning. But finally a smile crosses the face of Sasha and she starts to explain that they should all leave the ringside area. They do.
Jessica watches her confederates leave and stretches against the ropes in preparation for the match.
Kenny: “Jessica sent The Hit Squad away. I wonder what that means?”
Cari: “She wants Magnus one on one. This is going to be a bloodbath, and I brought my rubber ducky.”
Kenny: “I won’t even touch that. As Jessica Estrella gets ready for the match, we should point out that this is a fork on a pole match in honor of the late Janus.”
Cari: “One of these…hehe…lucky women will get that fork and get to fork up her opponent. What could be better?”
Kenny: “Lindsay Locke in a bikini.”
Cari: “That’s sick.”
The sound of hissing slowly fades up, filling the arena. On the Angeltron, the image of a pit viper, curled up against a wall, slowly shifts its head side to side ready to strike. In a flash it strikes, opening its gaping maw, showing two long fangs before engulfing the lens. At the same time, green and white pyro explode from the wrestler entrance as a new theme is heard for the; Viper. Tool’s “StinkFist” blares over the loudspeakers:
“It’s not enough. I need more. Nothing seems to satisfy. I don’t want it. I just need it. To feel, to breathe, to know I’m alive.”
The crowd rises to its feet as the “Viper”, Lesley Magus, steps out from behind the pyro, dragging a garbage can filled with assorted tools for mayhem. She is dressed in a green spandex sports bra and black martial arts pants, her hair tied tight behind her head in a ponytail. Her hands are partially covered by black finger less gloves. A tattoo of a Viper curls up her arm and around her shoulder. As always, a long link of bike chain is wrapped around her neck and down her torso. Jet black wrestling boots cover her feet as she walks down the ramp The Fallen Angel title is wrapped around her waist as she casts a glance side to side as she makes her way to the ring.
Kenny: “Here’s the champ. This woman has held that belt for three months ever since she took it from Janus in one of the bloodiest feuds this company has ever seen.”
Cari: “Those were some great and controversial matches.”
Kenny: “And look at this! Lesley Magnus just spit in Jessica’s face! This is going to be a rough one!”
Cari: “Jessica does not look pleased.”
Viper: “I saw you at Janus’s house, I saw you and that giant freak there. Why’d you do it?”
Kenny: “Jessica and Viper locking eyes. This is about to get ugly.”
Kenny: “The two women circling each other in the ring, looking for an opportunity to lock up…and here we go!”
Cari: “Collar and elbow tie up…and Jessica already goes low! I love it! Low blow from the challenger. Viper caught off guard.”
Kenny: “Jessica moving quickly to take control here. And she sends a wicked karate kick to the side of Viper’s face. Contact with the head, and Viper’s down.”
Cari: “Smart move by the champ here, as she slides out of the ring to regroup.”
Kenny: “That’s not regrouping. She grabbed a chair and tossed it into the ring. Now she has her own chair. Viper shakes off the effects of the kick before she gets back in the ring.”
Cari: “Now this is what we came to see. Both women with chairs in their hands. We have a stare down and neither woman seems too terribly interested in the fork.”
Kenny: “Both women standing and watching each other, each with chair at the ready. The crowd is hitting a fever pitch. What’s going to happen here?”
Cari: “Brown eyes meeting green. Jessica charges and swings…and misses!”
Kenny: “She turns and whack! Viper slams that chair right down on her forehead! Jessica is stumbling, but she’s not down! Another shot from Viper!”
Cari: “Jessica’s eyes are glassy. But they always look like that!”
Kenny: “And Viper smacks her in the head with that chair one more time! Down goes Jessica and she is cut! She’s bleeding!”
Cari: “Three straight chair shots from Lesley took the wind out of Jessica’s sail. Viper leaving the ring and looking under it. She’s looking for something.”
Kenny: “And she’s found it. She’s pulling out the ladder and getting it into the ring. Jessica back to her knees, trying to shake it off. Viper’s got the ladder in the ring. Here she comes.”
Cari: “Jessica using the ropes to get back to her feet. She’s really cut already. I told you this would get bloody.”
Kenny: “Lesley’s got the ladder set up and she’s starting to climb… look out! Jessica using what strength she has to dropkick the ladder and send it into Lesley! Quick thinking by Jessica. Now Viper is down with the ladder on top of her.”
Cari: “Jessica looks a little winded also. Those chair shots took some kind of a toll.”
Kenny: “Viper getting the ladder off of her and trying to clear her head. Jessica setting up one of the chairs Lesley brought into the ring…running start now…and a springboard guillotine leg drop across Lesley’s throat. Jessica landing hard on Viper, using that chair for a little springboard.”
Cari: “That’s why the move is called what it is. Jeesh.”
Kenny: “The still bleeding Jessica pulls Lesley to her feet. Viper struggling to breath after the leg drop. Jessica pulling Viper by the hair.”
Cari: “We have two chairs and a ladder in the ring. That’s three weapons Jessica can use right now.”
Kenny: “And she chooses to use the set up chair! DDT right onto the chair! Viper looks dazed as her head connects with it. Viper goes down and again chooses to roll out of the ring. She might be hurt.”
Cari: “It’s a hardcore match. Everyone’s gonna get hurt.”
Kenny: “As Lesley staggers around outside the ring, Jessica getting a little running start…springboard off the chair…onto the ropes and here we go with a suicide Plancha! Oh no!”
Cari: “Lesley saw her coming and moved! Jessica’s missed.”
Kenny: “Her head connected with the steel guard rail! Down she goes to the arena floor. This has been all action and we’ve barely started.”
Cari: “Lesley trying to clear her head while she stomps on the head of the still dazed Jessica. Nice way to get some rest and hurt your opponent at the same time.”
Kenny: “Now Viper going to her bag of tricks…kinda like Felix the Cat.”
Cari: “That’s not funny.”
Kenny: “Jessica is up…don’t ask me how…and she’s rolling her bloody self back into the ring. Meanwhile, here comes Lesley. And what’s that she has in her hands?”
Cari: “That’s a frying pan.”
Kenny: “Lesley back into the ring. Jessica trying to get to her feet, but Lesley sees this. Here comes the pan!”
Cari: “Jessica thinking quickly and trying to block it with a nearby chair. The force drives the chair into her head, but you gotta think that’s less than the damage that frying pan coulda done.”
Kenny: “Only you think like that. Jessica down again and Lesley tosses the pan aside. She’s going back to the ladder and setting it up. It might be fork time.”
Cari: “Jessica showing some signs of life, but it’s a bloody life. The crimson mask is being worn!”
Kenny: “Viper on her way up the ladder. Wait! Jessica is trying to get up and she has the pan.”
Cari: “Where’s she getting her strength from?”
Kenny: “She has just enough to throw the pan at Lesley. It hits her back with a fleshy thud and Lesley loses her balance. She falls forward on the ladder and lands hard against it. That was quick thinking by Jessica.”
Cari: “Good throw too. The Dodgers could use her.”
Kenny: “With their problems at Short, I couldn’t agree more. Both women trying to get to the feet right now, Viper feeling the effects of falling on that ladder…and Jessica in a bit of a mess herself.”
Cari: “They’ve hit each other with everything they could find so far. Jessica using the ropes to pull herself to her feet. She’s up and what’s she doing?”
Kenny: “Jessica climbing the ropes. She’s a high flyer. She’s sizing up Lesley. Who’s still down on the ladder…look out!”
Cari: “Jessica flies through the air and lands with a Frog Splash on Lesley, driving Lesley further into the ladder. Both women are down in a heap. What would possess someone to do this for a belt.”
Kenny: “This is more than a belt. It’s a badge of honor. Jessica on her knees right now, trying to recover from the maybe ill-planned attack. Lesley rolling on the mat, her whole body forced into the ladder.”
Cari: “Jessica slowly getting back to her feet and trying to get the ladder open. But it looks as if the force of her Frog Splash and Lesley’s body has bent one of the guide arms on the ladder. I can’t believe it! They’ve broken the ladder!”
Kenny: “Lesley getting back to her knees now. She’s trying to get up… WHAM! Karate style kick to the head of Lesley and she goes down like a bag of wet cement. Did you hear Jessica’s foot connect with Lesley’s head?”
Cari: “What I heard was crack. Either Lesley broke her skull of Jessica broke her foot. But something got broken there.”
Kenny: “Both women cut and bleeding. Jessica getting out of the ring and looking under it. She’s got a table that she’s trying to get into the ring.”
Cari: “Now she’s getting another one. Two tables in the ring. Jessica getting back into the ring and she sends a boot to Viper’s chest to keep her down.”
Kenny: “Jessica setting up one of the tables. And look at this…she’s setting the other table up on top of it. She’s going to climb the tables to get to the fork!
Cari: Not if Lesley has anything to say about it! Here she comes!”
Kenny: “Jessica is on top of the tables…she can’t quite reach the fork! The double stack of tables isn’t enough. She’s trying to jump up for it. Here comes Lesley!”
Cari: “Jessica’s got her hand on the fork! But Lesley’s got her arms around Jessica! Both women dangling a few feet above the tables!”
Kenny: “Jessica’s got…oh no! The fork came loose and both women fell through a double set of tables and down to the mat! I can’t believe this! Both of them went through the tables! Their both lying a heap of press board debris!”
Cari: “I’ve never seen anything like that! Neither one has the fork! They’re both down! The ref is not sure what to do.”
Kenny: “Jessica getting free of the debris and rolling out of the ring. Viper trying to regain her composure and stand. She’s…she’s picking up the fork! Look at her eyes!”
Cari: “Viper’s got the fork! She’s got the fork!”
Kenny: “Jessica has Viper’s chain and she’s getting back in the ring. Here we go…Jessica swings the chain…and misses…and Ohhhh!”
Cari: “She just got forked in the forehead by Lesley! Lesley’s eyes are wild! She looks possessed!”
Kenny: “Jessica recoils in pain and looks down! Here comes The Hit Squad! Sasha, Samantha and Brenda! Lindsay Locke and Porsha Pembroke! I knew they’d get involved!”
Cari: “They’re charging down and hitting the ring!”
Kenny: “They can’t interfere! Johnny said no interference!”
Cari: “They don’t care what Johnny says! They work for Gabrielle! And besides, this is a hardcore match! Everything goes!”
Kenny: “Brenda in the ring! And Viper takes her out! Now Sasha and Samantha…Viper holding them off with the fork! Ref not sure how to handle this! Viper holding them off…look out!”
Cari: “Jessica from behind with the Red Mist to the eyes! Viper can’t see! She’s blinded! Jessica looks out of it. That might be all she had left.”
Kenny: “Viper can’t see. Jessica capitalizing…DDT onto a chair! She goes for the cover…”
Cari: “1…2…3! She got it!”
Kenny: “Fast count! Wait! The Hit Squad is attacking Viper! All of them putting the boots to Lesley! The ref hands Jessica the belt… What’s going on?”
Cari: “Lesley getting gang attacked! Here comes Mixie Locke! She takes out Porsha…but she gets the Red Mist also! Now she’s getting attacked! Both Viper and Mixie getting beaten down by The Hit Squad!”
Kenny: “This is the type of thing that mars the sport! This ugly gang mentality! Brenda holds up Mixie while her own cousin slams her in the head with a chair!”
Cari: “Jessica is beating Viper in the head with the belt…Mixie and Viper are bloody! This is…Wait!”
Kenny: “The lights have gone out! Fans, we are experiencing technical difficulties! If you’re watching at home…the lights have gone out in the arena!”
Cari: “Can you see what’s going on in the ring?”
Kenny: The lights are back on…who’s that?
Cari: “I can’t tell. That’s a tall women…she’s wearing a hooded sweatshirt. I can’t see her face.”
Kenny: “The Hit Squad surrounding the mystery woman in the ring…she’s taking off the hood! That’s…oh my lord! That’s…”
Cari: “That’s Janus! Look at The Hit Squad! They’re bailing out!
Kenny: Look at Lindsay Locke! You’d think someone just stepped over her grave! Janus is alive!”
Cari: “The Hit Squad is running for their lives! Janus is pointing at Lindsay, who looks like she’s about to jump out of her skin! I can’t believe it!”
Kenny: “Janus, helping Mixie to her feet and supporting her against the ropes. Mixie thanking her. Wait! Janus is looking at the still down Magnus! She’s going to attack Viper!”
Cari: “They hate each other!”
Kenny: “Janus bending over and picking up the fork…and putting it in her pocket. She’s helping Lesley up! What? Janus is helping Lesley up! Their eyes meet!”
Cari: “Lesley can’t believe this!”
Kenny: “I can’t believe this! They’re…they’re…shaking hands! Oh my lord! Unholy alliance!”
Cari: “Look at Mixie smiling! Did she put this together? Did she know?”
Kenny: “I don’t think anyone knew! Viper and Janus together? That’s one sign of the end of the world! Fan’s we gotta take a break!”
Cari: “I can’t believe this!”
And it thundered, Johnny Angel appearing on the screen as rows of armored guards began to pour from beneath, lining up along the aisle way.
“I made my announcement that none would interfere in the matches tonight. It appears as though my law has been broken, and for that, the Revolution will pay a price. Until that time, I have hired a riot squad to keep this an athletic event, not a televised gangbang.”
And the crowd went wild…
There would be no more. Twenty guards took their posts around the ring, eyes searching in every direction to make sure that the trouble would be kept out. The next two matches would go clean. Johnny had made sure of that.
(As scenes from past Celestial Title matches flash across look as if the Lord, Himself was en route to the arena, the fans watched with awe-inspiring excitement, cheering and screaming out the names of their favorite combatants. Swirling lights and smoke filled the arena, adding to the exciting mystery that always poured over the fans.
Crashing, like rolling waves against the shore, sounds split through the packed arena. Certainly, the boys in media were well worth their paychecks. But like all else, wherever there was money, wherever there was power, wherever there was a ‘friendly wager’ on a game, there would be those who would exploit it. High above the ring and high above the cheering fans, darkened booths were perched, eyes peering from them, silently awaiting the match – the Celestial Title bout.)
Kenny: “Folks, there is nothing like a Pay Per View to rush the excitement!”
Cari: “And nothing like the dividends to make me happy.”
Kenny: “Despite the fact that every match we put on TV is supposed to be a real barnburner, we always like to add something just a little more exciting for the Title matches. Tonight is no different. We have Tiffany Lane defending her title against Porsha Pembroke in what will certainly be a night to remember.”
Cari: “Actually, Kenny, I didn’t hear a word you said after ‘barn-burner.’ Where do you get these? Are you from Iowa or Indiana or somewhere like that?”
Kenny: (giving her a nervous side-glance) “Actually, I used to live in North Dakota and-”
Cari: “OK. This is getting tedious. (changing topics) Kenny, in an effort to prevent you from blathering on about things that nobody aside you and your mother even care about, lets talk a little about the two women who are about to lock up, get down and dirty, and hopefully give the audience – both here and at home – a show of a lifetime.”
Kenny: “What has not been said already? They are both top performers with skill and attitude. They both show magnificent skills inside and outside the ring. They both-”
Cari: (interrupting) . . . Are on their way.
Celestial Championship: Tiffany Lane vs. Porsha Pembroke
(The fans hop to their feet as “Sex Bomb” by Tom Jones blares over the speakers, announcing the arrival of “Blonde Bombshell” Tiffany Lane. Pyro pots explode and pink, fire works soar through the air as The Angeltron flashes to life, showing various images of the lovely Tiffany Lane. Suddenly, Tiffany’s personal bodyguard, Brawn, steps from behind the curtains. The huge, muscular man is clad only in a pair of blue jeans and black boots, showing off his chiseled physique. With a nod, he steps aside as Tiffany exits the curtains.
Tiffany wears a white, floor-length robe, tied at the waist with a matching sash, the Celestial Title draped over her arm. Her luxurious, blonde hair graces the small of her back, in a cascade of silky curls. With a smirk upon her beautiful visage, she hands the championship belt to Brawn and stands atop the entrance ramp, performing a sensual bump and grind, teasing the fans by tugging on the sash.
Finally, after driving the males crazy with anticipation, Tiffany whips off the flimsy garment, revealing her wrestling attire, a loud T&A POP resounding throughout the arena. Tiffany wears a pink, satin bra and matching, pink bikini bottoms, trimmed in white fur. The ensemble showcases her sleek, curvy figure. She completes the look with pink, vinyl boots, a pink, lace garter stationed strategically on her shapely thigh. The crowd showers the seductress in catcalls and wolf whistles as she continues to shimmy and shake.
Brawn gives the title back to Tiffany and they walk to ringside before entering the ring. She makes a show of seductively removing her garter before tossing it into the crowd with a devilish grin, causing an uproar as the males fight to obtain the precious garment. With a satisfied smile and toss of her blonde mane, Tiffany does a few stretches, preparing for the start of the match.
Brawn takes his place at ringside.)
Kenny: “Ya know, Cari, I have to say that there is precious little that I like about Tiffany but I will give credit where credit is due. She is the most stunning and the most sensual person I have ever seen.”
Cari: “Yet you work along side me. I have to say that there is precious little I like about you. You are just plain goofy in every sense of the word. And I really do mean that, Kenny-boy.”
(Without warning, smoke starts to gather at the head of the entrance. The smoke gets thick and almost obscures the area, save for the backlighting. As several oddly shaped shadows appear behind the wall of smoke,’Mississippi Queen’ from Mountain booms across the arena speakers. The first to appear is the miniscule Paula Pembroke, clutching a cigarette in her hand. Behind her walks Jessica Estrella, her Hit Squad companion. Lastly, the gigantic Porsha Pembroke appears. The giant is dressed in riding kit, black riding pants tucked at the ankles into heavy black riding boots.
She wears a white blouse and her dark hair is pulled straight back. She walks slowly and with purpose, just a few steps behind her sister. The entire group moves towards the ring eyeing it with a dark purpose. It is clear that Porsha’s opponent is outnumbered. The huge woman crests the ring steps and climbs over the top rope into the ring. She eyes the crowd and looks ominous. She regards her sister, who offers last minute instructions. Jessica looks on as Porsha turns and stands ready for the match.)
Cari: “That entourage is certainly something. Almost as good as the entourage I had when I competed. Of course, my girls were a little more . . . um . . . attractive. This looks like something out of a Tim Burton movie.”
Kenny- “Who is that one? He appears to be a leader of sorts? He’s sending them all away! Estrella! Paula! Brawn! He’s banning them from ringside! Yes! Hallelujah!”
Cari- “Hallelujah? Is this a revival now? Have you been HEALED!?” She said with a slap to the man’s forehead. (As the women in the ring stare down one another, Tiffany glares with a cold stare of vengeance. The enormous Porsha returns her stare with anger and fury, her heart intent on winning the belt. As the bell rings, both women spring into action. Tiffany connects first with a well-placed kick to the side of the larger woman’s head. Porsha stumbles back, screaming in anger but showing no sign of pain. Tiffany races past her, bouncing off the side ropes and flying back, smacking the still-stunned Porsha in the back of the head, the momentum taking her to the mat.
Tiffany goes for the quick pin but Porsha throws her off with authority before the official can even begin to count. Disappointed Tiffany jumps up and attempts to deliver an elbow to her prone opponent but Porsha catches her as she drops, grasping at the blonde’s wrist, then flinging her across the ring like a discarded toy. Tiffany shakes her head in disbelief and is almost seen gulping in dismay.)
Kenny: “Tiffany got more than she bargained for with Porsha.”
Cari: (philosophically) “Everyone does . . .”
(Porsha gets to her feet, roaring with venom and spite. She charges at Tiffany but the busty blonde bombshell manages to duck and deliver a kick to the giantess’ head. Porsha falls back, holding the side of her head, as Tiffany bounces back and forth from foot to foot, looking like a pleased boxer.)
Kenny: “And the Blonde Bombshell comes out of this with a roaring fight!”
Cari: “What does that even mean?! You could make a Schwarzenegger movie seem dull if you did the play by play . . .”
(Both women go through a series of attacks, defenses and counter attacks. The action is fast and furious with each taking the upper hand at one point. It becomes painfully evident that it is a match between Tiffany’s quickness and Porsha’s raw power. Tiffany displays wild agility and dexterous speed whereas Porsha shows frightening acts of might rarely seen.
Kenny and Cari call the match as the fans go wild, anticipating a great show. The official notices both women take certain liberties with the rules of the sport, lecturing them constantly. Tiffany, whose body has grown weary from her fight with Porsha, stumbles and wobbles but still manages to outpace Porsha, whose slowness in the ring seems to be her only Achilles’ Heel, aside from her steaming temper.)
Kenny: “The Cigarette Princess is boiling over! I can almost see the smoke coming from her ears.”
Cari: “That COULD just be her trying to think, really hard.”
Kenny: “That official seems to be taking special attention of her action, Cari. Its clear she wants to cheat her way to the Celestial Title!”
Cari: “Cheat!? Kenny, you could manage to screw up a wet dream if given half a chance. Both women are tacticians… in their own way. Let `em do what they do best!”
(As Tiffany mounts the second rope, she flies off for a splash, but Porsha is waiting, not nearly as hurt as the blonde expected. With a raised foot, Tiffany falls right into it, launching her body back into the ropes. Holding her ribs, the blonde stumbles about gasping as the crowd roars with excitement from the action in the match.
Porsha, with offensive moves of her own, as she races to Tiffany. Lifting her off the mat, Porsha slams Tiffany back down with a spinebuster, getting more roars from the crowd. The crushing blow on the Blonde Bombshell has her writhing in pain on the mat. Porsha drops her knee to Tiffany’s throat, attempting to crush the blonde champion. With her large body obstructing the official’s view, she slams her fist down to Tiffany’s crotch, bringing forth screams of pain from the champion. As the crowd screams in disapproval, it is clear that the official is the only person not to have seen the blatantly dirty tactic.)
Cari: “This is what happens when bad girls meet, Kenny.”
Kenny: “I always had a slightly different image in mind, personally.”
Cari: “Less sharing, Kenny. Less sharing.”
(Only now does the official sense something wrong, as Porsha blatantly clutches Tiffany’s throat and rams her knee into the blonde’s crotch, causing two illegal moves in one attack. Yelling at Porsha, the giant woman slowly turns her head like a demon from Hell, wondering who would dare defy her. The official, not wanting to back down, screams at her, yells at her and goes into a furious tirade of lecturing. Releasing Tiffany, Porsha senses new prey as she stalks the official, ready to remove him from her sight – and perhaps from the earth. Tiffany, hacks and coughs from the choking and bounces off the ropes and uses her momentum to smash her body into Porsha’s from behind. The attack takes the woman off balance and knocks her to the mat.)
Cari: “What do ya know?! Tiffany managed to get Porsha off her feet for a second time this evening.”
Kenny: “Simply amazing! Tiffany has talent and skill not seen since . . .”
Cari: “You’ve been watching WOW again, haven’t you, Kenny? What have I told you about that?”
(As Kenny and Cari continue to alternate between bickering and calling the match, Tiffany uses her opportunity to scramble up to the top rope and launch herself off the top rope in her Blonde Bombshell, the senton splash that she perfected. As she comes off, Porsha turns, catching the assault directly in the head. Kenny and Cari scream with uncontained excitement as the official counts to three, Tiffany retaining the title.)
Kenny- “Would you consider Tiffany to be a guilty pleasure?”
Cari- “Exactly, what is that supposed to mean?”
Kenny- “I like to watch her… just not, WATCH her.”
Cari- “Oh Kenny! I’m so proud! You’ve hit puberty! It’s alright, every little boy goes through it. Enough about you and hormonal imbalances though, it’s time for the second of our main events. It’s time to see the other, the REAL Celestial Champion.”
Kenny: “We’ve got a great match coming next! In a rematch from a few weeks ago, Laura Parker takes on Lindsay Locke, the Celestial Champion! In fact, we’ve got footage from that very match, where Laura avenged a string of losses to the Celestial champion with a little help from a handful of tights.”
Just as Laura turns to look at her, Lindsay jabs her in the throat, unseen by the ref. Laura clutches at her throat and gasps for air as Lindsay grabs her by the hair and drives her face first into the mat with an X-Factor. Laura clutches at her throat and rolls onto her back as Lindsay mounts the top rope again and signals to the crowd, doing a somersault in mid air and then leg dropping Laura across the throat.)
Kenny: Another Lightning Strike! This has to be it!
(Lindsay covers Laura and hooks the leg as the ref counts.)
Kenny: Wait! Laura reverses the hold! (Just as the ref is about the strike the mat for a third time, Laura traps Lindsey in a roll up.)
Kenny: “The tights! Laura has a handful of Lindsey’s tights!”
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Cari: “Ha! Laura finally got the drop on old Locke! Payback is a..”
(Sure enough, Laura had grabbed a handful of Lindsay’s tights as the ref counted, adding leverage to her cover. Both women lay on the mat, exhausted, their bodies covered in sweat.)
Cari: “Ahem! Lindsay is one of The Celestial Champions, monkey boy. Lindsay only got hers because she begged and pleaded with that phony Gabrielle. Every one knows that Tiffany Lane is the rightful Celestial Champion. After all, she never actually lost the title.”
Kenny: “That may be true but Lindsay still holds gold.”
Cari: “Gold? I heard her belt was brass.”
Celestial Championship: Lindsay Locke vs. Laura Parker
The Arena goes completely dark. A voice crackles over the loudspeaker.
Voice – “The revolution will now be televised!”
As strobe lights go off around the arena, simulating lightning, Lindsay walks to the entry. She stands with her arms out in a “T”, palms down. As pyrotechnics go off, she raises her hands to a “V”, palms up. Lindsay stands in a way that is both defiant and cute, with a smile on her face. “Children of the Revolution” from T-Rex starts to play as Lindsay and her walk towards the ring to the mixed response of the crowd. The song in which T-Rex informed rock promoters and record company execs that no matter what they tried to sell to the public, whatever image it was, you can’t fool the children of the revolution, is a fitting tune for the new look of Lindsay. She receives a large number of boos and jeers, but a healthy amount of cheers from those wearing “Child of the Revolution” T shirts.
Lindsay wears a pair of tight black vinyl pants and black wrestling boots. Her top is a Los Angeles Kings jersey (the old time one in purple and yellow with the big crown on the front and the name Locke and the number 32 on the back), covering a blue “Child of the Revolution” T shirt. Around her waist is the BRA Celestial Title belt. Her blond hair is newly cut and styled, in a very modern wavy fashion. She wears black sunglasses and gives the fans more of a show than usual as she struts to the ring. Next to her stands Angel Dust, in a red leather skirt and red leather boots. She wears a black T shirt with the words “One Taste and You’re Hooked” on the back in red letters. The crowd boos and jeers for the most part. Lindsay stops to pose with a few of her supporters at ringside while one of them snaps a picture. She blows kisses to them and walks away. Lindsay enters the ring and holds the belt up over her head with both hands while she is greeted with a mixed response. She places it over her shoulder and walks to the center and takes out a microphone.
Lindsay – “Before we get this little thing started, I want to say something to all my fans back home in the greatest city on earth. Hello Los Angeles!”
Lindsay walks around the ring with a smile while she receives the boos and jeers of fans who don’t like having their home town put down. Especially in comparison to LA. When the boos subside, she walks back to the center of the ring and continues.
Lindsay – “And now, to all my Children of the Revolution, here comes your big chance to…”
Her fans chant the line along with her.
Lindsay (with her fans) – “Just Watch Me!”
Lindsay waits for the cheers of her fans to subside.
Lindsay – “Laura Parker, you are embarrassment to Los Angeles. You call yourself an actress? Hello? I’ve seen your films. They are sooo late night cable. They went straight to the video store discount rack. You probably couldn’t even get a job working for Columbia Television and they flat out suck!”
Lindsay rolls her eyes as the fans boo her last comment.
Lindsay – “Hello? I’m not done yet!”
Lindsay walks around the ring with a really peeved look on her face. She puts her arms aside and looks to Angel Dust, giving her a “what’s their problem?” look. Angel returns it. Lindsay shakes her head and waits for the boos to subside.
Lindsay – “Johnny Angel, do you really think your favorite fat heifer is going to take this belt? My belt? You’re wrong, Johnny! You’ve been wrong about a lot of things, but you haven’t been more wrong before! Face it, Johnny, I am the best! I am the future! I am the way this sport is going! The same mixed response. It is clear that Lindsay has fans in the audience. The boos seem to overshadow the cheers, but not by much. She has a good, strong base of support.”
Lindsay – “Sorry, Johnny! The Sisterhood is old, fat, bloated and done! I’m the next one! I’m the new thing! I’m what you all came to see! Sooo, remember Johnny, you can fool some of the people all of the time, and you can fool all of the people some of the time, but you won’t fool…”
Again, her fans chant along.
Lindsay (with her fans) – “The Children of the Revolution!”
Lindsay waits for the cheers to stop.
Lindsay – “Sooo sit back, relax, and get ready for your big chance to Just Watch Me!”
As the fans hit Lindsay with more jeers than cheers, she hands the belt and sunglasses to Angel Dust. They exchange a friendly hug and kiss. A very friendly kiss. She exits the ring and Lindsay stretches in her corner, preparing for the match.
Cari: “Gee, that was long and boring. Who writes her material? Al Gore?”
Kenny: “Cari, behave! Lindsay looks ready for this encounter.”
Cari: “Ready? To get her ass kicked by Laura again? Certainly!”
Suddenly, the lights go down on the arena. Duran Duran’s “Girls on film” begins to play through the speakers. A spotlight picks up Laura Parker. She wears a strapless floor length, Alexandria Parker original, gown. Her hair is worn up in a twist with a tiara in it.
She is accompanied by Laura’s agent William Wienersnitzel. Laura smiles to the crowd with that perfect beauty queen smile of hers; the spotlight reflects in little gleams off her teeth. She bounces along with the time of the music to the ring. Laura walks up to the ring and enters it alone. She walks around the ring posing and waving to the fans very much the Beauty Queen. The ring attendant hands Laura a microphone.
Laura: “Aren’t you fans the lucky ones? Tonight you will have the chance to witness the greatest wrestler of all time finally get the reward she truly deserves. After almost a year and a half in the Battling Ring Angels, Laura Parker will finally by the champion with the Celestial title. Gabrielle stole the title from me once before, but Johnny Angel will act fairly and allow me to walk out of this arena with the belt after I have trounced Lindsey Locke. Everyone knows that Lindsey was given this belt because of special “favors ” she has performed to . . . er . . . I mean FOR Gabrielle.”
Kenny: “Uh oh! Lindsay looks pissed at that statement!”
Cari: “(laughs) What’s wrong? She can’t handle the truth?”
Laura: “Tonight the best woman, me, will be crowned champ. You lowly peons will be in for the thrill of your lives.”
Laura hands the mic to a ring attendant and stands with her back to Willie. Willie unzips her gown revealing Laura’s ring attire of white leather pants, white bikini top, black over the knee boots and black gloves. Suddenly, Lindsay races towards the duo, drop kicking them both.
Cari: “Look at Lindsay! She’s such a cheap backjumper!”
Kenny: “Looks like Lindsay is getting a head start in this match up!”
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Willie falls to the arena floor as Laura lands on the mat with a thud. Grabbing a handful of Laura’s hair, Lindsay shakes her violently, the ref warning her about the hair pull. She screams a string of obscenities at Laura before roughly dragging her to her feet. Laura winces in pain as Lindsay tosses her across the ring. As Laura rebounds off of the ring ropes, Lindsay takes her back down to the mat with a hurricanrana.
Kenny: “Great move by Lindsay! She’s lightning fast!”
Instead of going for a pin fall, Lindsay quickly drags Laura to her feet again and delivers a spinning heel kick to Laura’s throat. Gasping for air, Laura grabs at her throat and falls to the mat. At ringside, Angel cheers Lindsay on while Willie looks on in worry. Lindsay drops an elbow across Laura’s throat and quickly covers, hooking the leg. The ref counts but Laura kicks at before the two count. With a snarl, Lindsay grabs another handful of Laura’s hair and shoves her into the corner.
Kenny: “Linds is being really vicious tonight! Looks like she’s going to avenge that previous loss to Laura!”
Cari: “Don’t be too sure! Laura has fought her way out of tougher than this!”
Slumped in the corner, Laura is assaulted with a flurry of kicks and stomps from a vindictive Lindsay. With one last kick, Lindsay tosses Laura into another corner, the crowd greeting her with a mix of cheers and jeers. Lindsay races at Laura only to be caught with two boots to her chest, knocking her to her bottom.
Cari: “Ha! Looks like Laura is back in this one, after all!”
Laura follows by catching the rising Lindsay with a drop kick to the chest. Lindsay clutches her aching chest as she again collides with the hard canvas. Laura grabs a handful of Locke’s locks and drags her to her feet. With a quickness, she snap suplexes Lindsay, the leader of The Children impacting with the mat. Laura points to her head before attacking Lindsay with a flurry of kicks, battering her prone form. As Willie hops onto the ring apron, the referee walks over to him, taking his attention away from the match. As the ref argues with Willie to return to the arena floor, Laura quickly drops a knee into Lindsay’s nether regions, causing the blonde’s eyes to grow wide.
Kenny: “Unfair! Low blow by Parker!”
Cari: “Low blow? I didn’t see a thing.”
Laura quickly covers Lindsay as the ref returns his attention to the match. He slaps the mat once before Lindsay raises a shoulder from the mat. With a smile, Laura hops to her feet and grabs a hold of Lindsay, slamming her to the mat with a belly to back suplex. Hopping to her feet again, Lindsay smiles and blows kisses to a mixed crowd reaction.
Kenny: “Well, the crowd doesn’t seem too impressed with either woman.”
Cari: “What are you talking about? They love Laura! Those are cheers, not jeers.”
Kenny: “Yeah. Sure.”
As Laura returns her attention to Lindsay, she is greeted with a punch to the stomach. Parker doubles over as Lindsay hops to her feet and grabs Laura in a headlock. With a quickness, Lindsay drives Laura’s head into the mat with a DDT.
Kenny: “Wow! That was too fast! Impressive!”
Cari: “Yawn! I’ve seen snails move faster.”
Lindsay drops a knee onto a prone Laura’s back before mounting the second turnbuckle. Lindsay measures a rising Laura.
Cari: “Watch out, Laura!”
But Cari’s warning falls on deaf ears as Lindsay sails off, landing her feet in Laura’s chest with a missile drop kick. Laura bounces off of the mat as Lindsay mounts the second turnbuckle again. A woozy Laura rises again only to be caught with another missile drop kick! As Laura crashes to her back, Lindsay covers her. The ref slaps the mat but Laura kicks out at two. Laura rises to her feet again as Lindsay sneaks up behind her. With a scream, Lindsay rushes at her and drives her face first into the mat with a flying bulldog. Lindsay grabs a dazed Laura by the waist and drags her to her feet, surprising her with a German suplex. As Laura impacts with the mat, Lindsay bridges, trapping the movie star’s shoulders to the mat. The ref counts again but Laura again escapes before the three count.
Kenny: “Lindsay is definitely giving Laura all that she can take!”
Before Laura can get a chance to catch her breath, Lindsay drags Laura to her feet again, unleashing a flurry of chops to Laura’s chest.
Crowd: “Whooo! Whooo! Whooo!”
Laura falls to one knee, clutching her chest, as Lindsay smacks her across the face. With a snarl, Lindsay drives Laura’s face into the mat by her dark locks. Laura rolls onto her back, dazed and staring at the arena’s lights as Lindsay drops an elbow across her chest.
Kenny: “It looks like Lindsay has targeted Laura’s chest for this match. She’s attacked it with everything from kicks to chops.”
Cari: “Come on, Laura! You can beat her!”
Lindsay drags Laura to her feet and sends her flying into another corner. Lindsay follows with a running splash but catches empty turnbuckles as Laura ducks out of the way. As Lindsay’s body crashes into the turnbuckles, Laura catches her from behind with a roll up. The ref slaps the mat but only gets a two count. As Lindsay stumbles to her feet, Laura hops to the top turnbuckle. She soars off, catching Lindsay with a missile drop kick to the back. Laura attempts another pin but Lindsay manages to get her foot on the rope. Bringing Lindsay to her feet again, Laura body slams her to the mat. The starlet mounts the top turnbuckle and soars off with a moonsault, crashing upon a prone Locke! The ref counts as Laura hooks the leg.
Cari: “Beautiful move by Laura! This has to be it!”
As the ref slaps the mat, Lindsay gets her shoulder up before the three count. Laura brings Lindsay to her feet and places her in an arm bar, keeping it on the entire time. The starlet walks Lindsay to the turnbuckle. She then climbs to the top rope and walks along the rope until she is in the middle of the rope. Laura releases the arm bar as she springs off the rope doing an elbow drop unto Lindsay’s shoulder. Lindsay winces in pain, grabbing her shoulder, as Laura slaps her across the face.
Laura: “It’s time for you to go back to your cheap stripper act.”
Cari: “Ha! Ha! That’s telling her, Laura!”
Laura boots Lindsay in the stomach before sending her to the ropes. Lindsay reverses the whip, sending Laura instead. As Laura rebounds, she surprises Linds with a flying headscissors, sending her skidding across the mat. Laura hops to her feet and smiles as the crowd cheers and jeers.
Laura: “Will you ever learn? You can never beat me.”
Laura follows the statement with a boot to a rising Lindsay’s stomach. As Lindsay doubles over, Laura takes her over and across her knee with a tilt a whirl belly buster. She pushes Lindsay off her knee, Locke falling on her back. Laura grabs her legs and spreads them. She then drops both of her legs on the inner thighs of Lindsay, forcing her legs apart. Lindsay’s mouth forms in an “O” as Laura puts all of her weight on the muscles and tendons on the hip and groin area. Laura repeats the move before dragging Lindsay to her feet.
Laura: “Do you really think you can beat me by acting like me? You are nothing but a cheap imitation.”
Laura sends Lindsay to the ropes but is shocked as Locke rebounds and catches her with a flying elbow to the chest. The wind is knocked from Parker as she slumps backwards. Lindsay bounces to her feet and attacks Laura’s chest with a flurry of European uppercuts, backing Parker into the ropes. With one last uppercut, Lindsay knees Laura in the stomach, doubling her over. In a show of strength, Lindsay lifts Laura on her shoulders and walks her to the center of the mat. Leaping in the air, Lindsay drives Laura’s head into the mat.
Kenny: “What a move by Lindsay! Laura is done for!”
Lindsay covers Parker, hooking the leg, as the ref again slaps the mat.
Cari: “Kickout by Laura! Told ya!”
Lindsay looks on in disbelief as Laura raises her shoulder from the mat. She slams Laura to the mat again before mounting the top turnbuckle. Lindsay leaps off only to catch hard canvas, Laura rolling out of the way. As the air is knocked from Locke, Laura rolls her up.
Kenny: “She’s got a handful of tights!”
But there isn’t a third count as Lindsay manages to kick out. Laura looks on in shock as the handful of tights doesn’t secure her a win. Adding a boot to Locke’s midsection, Laura mounts the top turnbuckle again. With a smile, she leaps off…
Cari: “360 splash! This match is over!”
Kenny: “Think again.”
only to catch a chest full of Lindsay’s knees. Laura gasps in shock and pain as Locke rises to her feet and drives a diving forearm into Laura’s chest, knocking the movie star to the mat back first. As Laura clutches her chest, Lindsay mounts the top turnbuckle. With a grin, Lindsay leaps from the ropes.
Kenny: “Lightning Strike!”
Cari: “No! Move Laura!”
Doing a somersault, Lindsay lands an elbow drop on Laura’s chest. Laura groans in pain as Lindsay rolls her up, hooking the leg.
Cari: “Kick out, Laura! Kick out!”
Lindsay leaps from the mat, raising her arms in victory as the ref slaps the mat for the third and final time.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Kenny: “And this match is over. A great win for the Celestial champion!”
Cari: “Huh? Tiffany Lane just won this match?”
Lindsay is handed her belt and she stands over a prone Laura. She slaps the movie actress and yells at her, waving the title in her face.
Cari: “Okay! I’ve seen enough of this poser! Get her out of here!”
Johnny music once again creeps over the speakers as the Italian makes his way from the back, nodding his head as he moves. This is his forum. His concern was not with who won or loss, but that it was a true competition.
Kenny: “Well, looks like Johnny Angel is going to answer your wish.”
And it just happened. One of the security guards at ringside attacks Johnny, taking him out with a club to the knee! As the other guards race to a fallen Johnny’s aid, the assailant races off. Lindsay and Angel watch the proceedings, laughing and pointing at Johnny. Meanwhile, Willie helps Laura to the back.
Kenny: “Did you see that? Someone just attacked Johnny Angel! Who could it have been?”
Cari: “Take a wild guess, Sherlock!”
Kenny: “We don’t have time to guess? Who would try and take the law out of Battling Ring Angels? Who would want to revert to the mindless violence that we’ve been plagued with?”
Cari- “Cut the melodramatic bullshit. Here, someone just gave me a note. I knew it wouldn’t take long for us to find out. It says… we’re on strike.”