Promos from Medusa Rage and the Misfits, Sally McClane, Miko Azai and more.
(The scene is one of Grand Dragon Wrestling Alliance studios located in Tacoma, Washington. Two men are sitting behind a desk. They are wearing a blue blazer with the GDWA logo on the right side. A woman sits between them with a red and brown suit jacket and skirt. The lights start to come up, and “Atomic Dog” by Parliament–the GDWA theme music–begins to play.)
Dunbar: Wrestling fans, I’m Paul Laurence Dunbar with Sam Mutt and Sonya Blade bringing you the Saturday Night Tease. We have a lot to talk about tonight. That ensuing Western Heritage title/Cruiserweight Semifinal match between Sierra Browne and Lady Tiger.
Mutt: That’s right! And how about the Internet and World title controversy! I bet Denmark Vessey is up to his ears in behind the scenes politics!!!
Blade: Also, we talk a little about what just might be the hottest feud in Grand Dragon, the World Tag Team champions the MISFITS rivalry with the Hyena Queens.
Dunbar: Fans, tonight we’ll begin with words from the WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, the Misfits with Medusa Rage….
Medusa Rage & The Misfits
Medusa stands before her podium with her logo emblazoned upon it. She is draped in Serpentine and a kente cloth wrap. She looks into the camera and tickles her tongue at the audience like Serpentine.]
Medusa: You know what? It seems like a lot of people are talking about me, but they aren’t doing anything. Dementia, you want to duck and dodge me by claiming you beat me twice? You got bailed out twice. But that’s all right. You think I don’t have something to say about that match with Nomad? You think I won’t be there, watching. You think I won’t get involved? You’re madder than I thought. This is my league. This is the place I own. You just find your crazy ass into the ring with me and we’ll see who comes out on top and we’ll see who’s the better wrestler with no outside influence. I promise you it will be me.
[Medusa scratches Serpentine’s jaw. The snake flicks its tongue at her.]
Medusa: You know what else, Serpentine. It seems those silly Suicide Blondes are yapping again. Talking about I have less original parts than George Burns. These girls don’t seem to realize their old tired shtick didn’t get them anywhere the first time and it damn sure wouldn’t get them anywhere again. Why would I arrange with STRIKE to attack the Misfits? See, Blondes, I forgive you for your ignorance. You watch too much X-Files. I guess you’re hoping to see that story they did on your mother. You know, the flatworm that lived in the toxic sludge. You go about your business with Burning Rain. When you prove you can handle them and get the courage to go back for a title shot then we’ll see who gets the last laugh. We haven’t forgotten you. Medusa: And lastly, Bloody Mary. Girl, this is a business and it’s a game. Just because I don’t tell you something you should figure it out for yourself. The NEW Brown Girls. Hmmm, there’s obviously something up. See, you’ve got understand if you’re going to run with me that this game is kind of topsy turvy. You win some and lose some, but you always live and learn. That’s how I got through. That’s how you’ll get through, I promise. Don’t be disappointed in me, though. I never lied to you, girl. Like the Blondes say “The Truth is out there.” You just got to learn how to dig it up. But we must talk. I’m not seeing the same development in your teams that I see with you. It isn’t singles competition. There are nuances you need to learn. And now, I’d like to bring in my sisters. They have a few parting words for the Age of the Rage.
[The Misfits crowd on either side of Medusa.]
Dalbello: we know how long we’ve held the belts. We know how many defenses we’ve made and we know how much crap has gone on in our matches since we won the titles. I’m sick of it myself, believe me. How many times have we been all set to dance and the match gets cancelled like at Dawg Pound Nights or blacked out like at Founder’s Day? How many wrestlers gonna run in on our matches? I wonder? They suspend me before Founder’s Day and they make a non-title match out of the match we wanted to make a title shot. Get on that jerk-off president Vessey if you want to complain to somebody. He’s the one screwing everything up.
Godiva: Oi, right you are, Dal. Those ‘yena Queens and Suicide Blondes been tryin’ to make us look bad, put everythin’ on us. Well, it ain’t gonna ‘appen like that. The Misfits know better. We’re experienced. We’re seasoned and we’re mad. Girls, Madison Square Gardens in two weeks, you’ll see exactly what it is we can do. And you won’t like it. We start breaking heads right there in the Heartland of the Knicks.
Dalbello: And we’re going to love every minute of it. Shout out to Patrick and Allan.
Godiva: Starky baby and LJ.
Medusa: And don’t forget my darling Oakley. I’ll be there in two weeks, baby. Beat the Heat, for me. Hugs and hisses.
Blade: The World’s Tag Champions with some heated words…and interesting how Medusa even had some things to say regarding Bloody Mary…
Mutt: HEY! Don’t go spreading rumors Ms. Blade.
Dunbar: It has come to a head between the African Dawgs and the Misfits. Comments?
Blade: I think the Hyena Queens are getting unraveled. First they attack their good friend Furious Styles and later Spud McKenzie? What the hell has gotten into them?
Mutt: They are obsessed with the Tag Belts…but the problem is that they are going up against the Misfits. Nobody has ever beaten them! And in a Steel Cage, I think the Hyena Queens are gonna find out the hard way what the Age of Rage is all about.
Dunbar: Well, we do have comments from the self-proclaimed Queens of the Ring. Let’s hear from the Hyena Queens…
The Hyena Queens
(The scene is Lake Shore in Oakland, California. The Hyena Queens are jogging around the lake as the camera crew drive alongside them rushing to get an interview.)
Mike Whalen: Terry, Angela, if we could just get a word from you 2…you challenge for the World Tag Team championship in a few weeks…
‘Technician’ Terry McMillen: Boys, pay close attention. Because this thing between the Misfits and the African Dawgs has been building up for some months now…as a matter of fact, this may be the last time you ever talk to us!
(Big Angela Bassett takes a swig of Alhambra bottled water as she tosses the empty bottle into the following car.)
‘Powerbomb’ Angela Bassett: Hurry up Terry, cause I got a lot to say to those damn foreigners! Medusa Rage, the Powerbomb doesn’t take violence lightly…and be careful what you ask for brown girls! You just might get it.
‘Technician’ Terry McMillen: You know Angela, it is sort of fitting that we talk about Medusa Rage so close to Mother’s Day. I mean, with Medusa playing Aunt Jemima to the Syndicate, Wild West and every other threat to her singles career…we really must wish her a happy mother’s day. Medusa, send our regards to Poppy Rage…
‘Powerbomb’ Angela Bassett: Like Father like Son! Medusa Rage!! I don’t care if you the ugliest man in professional wrestling or not. Bottom line is this….Those are *YOUR* belts! Not the MISFITS’, and not the Age of Rage’s…their yours! You’ve kept the Misfits from losing those belts for half a year now! (SHOUTING!) This thang is personal now!
‘Technician’ Terry McMillen: Tell it Girl!
‘Powerbomb’ Angela Bassett: It gonna be the MISFITS and the Hyena Queens in a Steel Cage!! Madison Square Garden!! I swear to God that you 3 ain’t walkin’ out alive!
(Glaring into the camera…)
‘Powerbomb’ Angela Bassett: And if we gotta take them from around your waist or outta your mouth…the ‘Queens of the Ring’ the Hyena Queens are going home with some gold!
‘Technician’ Terry McMillen: Medusa Rage, I bet your dick gets hard every time you think about the Hyena Queens submitting to your girls. Well it ain’t gonna happen and the words ‘I Quit’ ain’t in my vocabulary. And you can’t pin these shoulders to any mat on earth Misfits…You’ve tried before and FAILED! Both the Hyena Queens and the Misfits are undefeated…now things have come to a head…
(Angela Bassett stops and stares out into the lake. The car beside her halts and keeps the cameras rolling.)
‘Powerbomb’ Angela Bassett: You talk about greatness Age of Rage. With your lily white Brown girls and your Copper Belt around Sierra Browne’s waist. Medusa Rage, tell it to Andrea Chandler or Bloody Mary while you’re swingin’ off their breasts. Bottom line is this…the Queens of the Ring are the best thing happening today! And in Madison Square Garden we put an end to this conflict, decisively, one way or ANOTHER!!!
(Angela looks back at the camera, calmly now, as Terry McMillen stands beside the big woman.)
‘Powerbomb’ Angela Bassett: Bring it if you got it!! All the promoters and hotshots take notice. In Madison Square Garden, you’re gonna have to get a leash on the Dawg Pound.
‘Powerbomb’ Angela Bassett: Misfits, **IN THE CAGE**, we about to get EXTREME on your a$$!
‘Technician’ Terry McMillen: Suicide Blondes, Gladiatrixes…even Burning Rain. For once, and for all! Take notice, and pay attention. Because we will prove without a shadow of a doubt…Take on the best and get jobbed like the rest!
(Scene fades to black as Angela and Terry return to training.)
Blade: This is getting as volatile as any GDWA feud past or present. Madison Square Garden last year featured a World title defense and an Internet title defense. This year we are guaranteed a World Tag title defense by the 2 best tag teams in the GDWA.
Mutt: The Suicide Blondes might disagree with you, but I’ll concede that these two teams HATE each other’s guts. And to put them in a steel cage? Denmark Vessey is after ratings, because to do that, to ALLOW THAT to HAPPEN, to the MISFITS and the Hyena Queens is downright immoral.
Dunbar: Speaking of tag teams, let’s hear from Burning Rain…!
[Scene opens on a gym, ‘Spice Girls’ playing in the background. Gojira is sitting on an exercise bench, arms crossed, watching impassively as ‘Fireangel’ Maria is doing crunches. Both are wearing black sweat suits with red and yellow flames on the back.]
Gojira: Keep working! We’ll need to go through the Browne Girl’s to get another shot. The Misfits will be in no hurry to face us again.
Maria (Stopping her workout): You kidding? The way the Age of Rage talk about the Knicks, it’s no wonder the poor guys lost their last game. They were worn out. You think Medusa and the Browne Girls will be any better?
Gojira: Get serious! Not only do we have to face the Browne Girls. The Suicide Blondes want us again. And have you forgotten the Otanashi?
Maria: Grrrrr..no! They ruined our shot at the title. No matter how much one talks about the fans and fair play, we know which Otanashi is really in charge. How many times do we have to beat them before they get the hint?
Gojira: First things first. Indigo Browne!
Maria: Marissa Monet!
Gojira: You are a new team.
Maria: Modeled after us!
Gojira: Power and skill.
Maria: Beauty and the Beast!
Gojira: But we’ve been a team for a couple years.
Maria: You’ve only had a couple weeks.
Gojira: That’s all the edge we need.
Both: PREPARE TO BE SLAM DUNKED!
Dunbar: Burning Rain wanting another Tag Title shot, and willing to go through the Brown Girls…
Mutt: The NEW Brown Girls…
Dunbar: Sorry, the NEW Brown Girls to get it.
Blade: As a former competitor, I find it odd that the Brown Girls are content with settling for less. They should be after Tag gold just like everyone else. Despite their affiliation with Medusa Rage.
Dunbar: Speaking of the Brown Girls, let’s hear from them….
Age of Rage
Marissa Monet and Indigo Browne are on the basketball court, playing two-on-two against men. Indigo dribbles the ball as her opponent pressures her. She backs up, giving ground, trying to protect the dribble. Marissa pops out of the post, setting a pick for her as Indigo takes the ball around the three point arc. Both men chase her, sure they’ll get the turnover and to cut off the attack to the basket. Indigo lobs the ball at the rim. Marissa takes off running, gathers herself and leaps, catching the ball in full extension and dunking the ball through the hoop.]
Marissa: (laughing like a donkey) Point game. Boys, y’all got beat like some rented mules. Oh, oh, wait! Whose jock is that lying on the ground? It’s fun and games til some girl dunks in your face, ain’t it, fellas? Ha!
[Marissa continues to trash talk as she throws an arm around Indigo.]
Marissa: Not your sport, eh?
Indigo: Too many rules. Why can’t I just pick it up and go with it?
Marissa: Same way we can’t bring bats to the ring, girl. They don’t want to make it too easy on us. Though, they’ve gone halfway there putting us in against a team like Burning Rain. Girls, you aren’t ready for the primetime yet.
Indigo: They’re not bad really. I mean, they beat the Suicide Blondes. Sierra and I didn’t. Marissa: Yeah, but you didn’t have me then. There isn’t anybody who can match up with me. Not even Gojira. I’ll leave her panting for breath.
Medusa: (from afar) Don’t get too cocky, ‘rissa. You’ve still got a lot to learn.
[Medusa walks into the frame, handing both athletes a towel.]
Indigo: (drying herself) You can’t let up against a team like that. Maria’s quick and Gojira’s tough. You never know if you have her down.
Marissa: (shrugging) That’s why we have ‘dusa. She’ll let us know where we stand. Won’t you, girl?
Medusa: Right now you haven’t met the best. We’ll talk about when you’re ready to face the Blondes or the Queens. Indigo: When do we get a shot at Lady D and ‘diva?
Medusa: Forget about them. There are other teams that need to be dealt with first. Like Onatashis. They’ve got to learn it isn’t wise to mess around with the Age of the Rage.
Marissa: Then let’s get to it. By the way, ‘dusa. Those Blondes think your dreads are a weave? Ain’t that the funniest thing? Two women with blonde wigs and they’re crackin’ on you. Somebody needs to get their head handed to them. Please let me do it.
Medusa: (smiling) Girl, sometimes you scare me. I think you’ve lost your mind.
Indigo: That’s what makes her fun. This is going to be a great tag-team, ‘dusa. You just watch us this Tuesday. We’ll hold up our end of the Age of the Rage. I promise you.
Medusa: Don’t promise. Just do it.
[Fade out with the three walking out the frame.]
Mutt: With all of this attention on Medusa Rage and the Age of Rage, you’d think she owned the damn place!! She got the Tag Belts, the Western Heritage title, and she’s after the World and Internet title too.
Blade: Well, that’s part of the controversy. Medusa is all in a huff over not getting an Internet title shot OR a World title shot this Tuesday…
Dunbar: Fans, Medusa Rage is the topic of this week’s editorial. Check out the Eyes and Ears of the GDWA…
Eyes & Ears on the GDWA editorials by Robert West & Ms. Ressler
Medusa Rage, True Matriarch of the House of Rage as well as GDWA, Savior, or Snake in the Grass? In this editorial we focus on this truly controversial woman. Love her or hate her, admire or abhor her, one cannot discount this major player in the GDWA. We need to only go back less than 2 months ago just shortly before Founders Day Tradition to mark how this woman can truly be an enigma. After some major battles which left her injured for some time before & after Founders Day she was left out of that show & denied a major title shot. Her injuries not withstanding she made her presence well known at that show with her House of Rage making a shameful display in their war against the equally controversial members of The Syndicate. An outside interference of fists & baseball bats among other things would enrage fans, wrestlers & the power that be of the GDWA. It would also signal what would seem to be a major downfall of the mighty House of Rage. It would seem? After Medusa had time to heal & reflect on her actions as well as her charges it seemed as if Medusa was doing some deep soul searching and surprising softening in her attitude. Look at what was happening. The Browne Girls had split from her, seemingly disgusted with her, then splitting into singles competition. Then as Medusa asked for a truce between her & arch nemesis, Andrea Chandler, asking for an end to the gang mentality that made Founders Day look like a gang rumble, her own sisters Godiva & Dalbello threatened to leave her behind as they continued their own brand of mayhem. They continued to support each other but Godiva & Dalbello doing so with a watchful eye on their sister.
Troubles seem to ebb & flow as Medusa seemed to genuinely make an effort at stopping the mindless violence in the name of true competition. Then confusing routes were taken as she made a long questioned alliance with Bloody Mary & her cohorts of Wild West Management public just 3 weeks ago. Assurances were made that a continuation of efforts to abide by their oath of true competition would go ahead, by Medusa & Mary, even to the point of Wild West & House of Rage competing against each other was watched with jaundiced eyes by other competitors of the GDWA. Despite Medusa’s softening it seemed her enemies were there in force waiting for her. Andrea, seemed to relax turning her attentions to others, but Dementia Praecox, Tiffany Chandler among many others were champing at the bit to get at Medusa. To avenge old grudges as Medusa seemed to want to only recover & once again rise up that daunting ladder to the top of the GDWA rankings. With help from her main confidante Marissa, Medusa seemed sincere in her efforts along with support from Bloody Mary.
Then, as things seemed at a state of flux within the House of Rage, Medusa got back in the ring or outside again. A major win an almost mismatch between her & an overconfident Tiffany Chandler seemed to spark the old Medusa. She watched over matches of the Misfits, supporting them when they were fined. She reconciled with the Browne Girls now The New Brown Girls sans the silent e, watching Sierra’s impressive singles career take off.
And now as the Browns seem to be ready to reenter tag competition, Medusa is at their side, The Browns taking a more aggressive edge. Medusa’s soft words almost apologetic for her past actions have recently returned to the edged braggart we knew before. This time with a seeming renewed confidence.
What direction is this enigmatic woman taking now? Is she still sincere about continuing her efforts at true competition or will she go back to brawling in the aisles? Her next match with Lanny Manson can’t be a good indicator as that will surely be a brawl as would be expected. But how will the next match go. Will she try to stay healthy managing her career more carefully, going after the likes of Micki Duran, Andrea Chandler, Dementia Praecox in a systematic manner? Will she use Marissa, The Misfits, Browns, to her advantage & their advantage keeping all their careers on the straight & narrow? How about her alliance with Bloody Mary & Wild West Management.
Will this truly produce a united front in her quest for dominance of the GDWA or is this alliance a disaster waiting to happen? Can these two egos coexist for the common good of both teams against all the other feuds pending against both? Who will Medusa go after next and after that? With all this drama unfolding in just the last couple months what will summer bring for this team? One thing is for sure, whether you view Medusa in rose colored glasses as a true matriarch or with a jaundiced view as a snake in the grass writhing with her own serpentines, this woman will surely keep the GDWA competitors on guard & the rest of us excited.
Dunbar: As we approach the half hour mark of the Saturday Night Tease, Sonya Blade leaves to prepare for the Hotline news. Sam joins me now with Allen Bishop.
Bishop: Medusa Rage, if nothing else, is her own best publicity. The woman forces the promotion to keep their eyes and ears on her. I’d love to see her stick her foot in her mouth one of these days though. She gets on my nerves honestly.
Mutt: And why is that?
Bishop: She’s a hypocrite. All of those months of foul comments toward the Syndicate? And now she’s buddy buddy with Andrea Chandler? I don’t buy it! She’s a snake in the grass!!!
Mutt: Well I think the gal is a bad ass! And don’t go off runnin’ your mouth or she might put the boots to your ass!
Dunbar: Fans, moving on! (Giving them a stern look)…we have comments from Keiko Mita who faces her biggest challenge to date on the Tuesday Night Cat Fight in Bloody Mary…
[Scene opens showing an empty arena, a wrestling ring set up in the middle. Keiko Mita is standing in the middle of the ring, short black hair partially hidden by a Rising Sun headband, dressed casually in t-shirt and jeans. She looks angry, pacing back and forth before glaring at the camera.]
MARY! So, _I_ dodged you? _I_ am hiding from you? I’m AFRAID of you? GET REAL! Talk all you want Mary, but I’M the one who walked right into your place. Faced you, your serpentine trainer (Serpentine, do I see yet another way you are imitating Medusa?), and BOTH your tag teams. You are the one with an army, Mary! I’m the one not afraid to walk alone. Not afraid to challenge you in your own lair. I’ve beaten you, bloodied you, injured you. So never fear. When our match comes you won’t need to look hard for me. I’ll be right in front of you, busting you open all over again!
Daisy Butterfly. Congratulations on your win. Your skill has been proven time and again. But don’t think for a moment the Kyoto Crippler will be as easy as your last opponent. I’ve watched the ‘Wildchild’ in action. Wendy Marshall and I might both be rookies, but she is no Keiko Mita. Be ready for the fight of your life. In fact, it will be a pleasure to face you. For once I won’t have to expect cheating. Being attacked before the match. Gang muggings. Just a pure honorable battle of skill. Let’s remind the GDWA what this sport is really about!
[Keiko raises her fist toward the camera confidently as the scene fades.]
Bishop: Keiko Mita not afraid of any Syndicates or a woman that calls herself Bloody Mary…!
Mutt: Or Daisy Butterfly…I’m hoping for an upset!! And Daisy Butterfly thought she was just too cute the other night against Wendy Marshall. I don’t like the All American myself, but she’s much better than the so called 1996 Ironwoman!!
Bishop: Don’t underestimate the ‘Kyoto Crippler’ Sam.
Dunbar: Speaking of Japanese Superstars, Miko Azai has some harsh comments once again for Frenchwoman Lady Tiger. Let’s hear from her…..
(In front of the GDWA Banner)
David Jones: We is back doing another interview for the GDWA! You know being one of the busiest wrestling managers in wrestling is hard but difficult. I had to catch a lot of flights and train with them at all times and get my wrestlers ready for their matches. But, enough of that and here is “The Tokyo Thriller” Miko Azai!
(Miko Azai appear out of nowhere)
Miko Azai: I’m here my GDWA Fans! I see Lady Tiger hasn’t accept my challenge yet because she is scared of me. I can see the fear in her but she will get hers before I go on vacation for the summer.
Ananda I’ll like to have a steel cage Indian strap match with you. I’m sick and tired of hearing about Lady Starr she is gone! No more Lady Starr it’s all about me! Miko Azai and the whole GDWA will find that out soon enough. I’m done with the f*cking interview.
DJ: Well, we have to go. I’m Audi 5000 G’s!
Mutt: Lady Tiger is an obvious coward. Hell, if she’s so confident that she can defeat Sierra Browne, not only on her way to the Cruiserweight tournament finals, but for the Western Heritage Championship…THEN WHY NOT SIGN THE FRIGGIN’ MATCH!!!
Bishop: Because she is an athlete. And she’s proven once before she can beat Miko. Now she’s moving on and toward titles!
Dunbar: Fans, let’s hear from the prominent Cruiserweight Semifinalist, Lady Tiger….
[The scene opens up inside one of GDWA’s tape room. The camera zooms in to the television screen, showing replays of the Officer Order – Sierra Browne match. A lone student studies these tapes, an exhausted look in her eyes. As for her facial expressions, she has none. None that we can see, anyway. For she is GDWA’s masked marvel, Lady Tiger. And, like always, the visage of a tiger covers her face. A snapping of fingers is heard, Tiger’s head jerks up to see the cameraman trying to catch her attention. She stops the tape, takes a deep breath, and looks to the camera with some renewed vigor.]
Tiger: Fans of Grand Dragon Wrestling Alliance, and little Tigers everywhere, welcome to my second home as of late! I’m sorry Charlotte can’t be with me this week, but she’s very busy. She has a feature article in the GDWA magazine, we’ve been signing autographs for the great fans of Grand Dragon, and she’s helping me prepare for my cruiserweight tournament match as well. The poor girl over exerted herself with all her commitments, so she’s talking a little break right now.
[A slight chuckle escapes Lady Tiger, who tries to cover it up to no avail. She ejects the tape from the VCR and stares at it for a moment]
Tiger: Sierra Browne. How nice of you to look right past me to the finals of the Cruiserweight tournament. Especially since you decided to put your Western Heritage title on the line Aussi! And why wouldn’t you overlook me, Sierra? I’m a huge underdog going into this match! And I wouldn’t have it any other way, ma Cherie. I *love* being the underdog.
I thought you would have realized that by now. And this underdog is looking for the GDWA Cruiserweight championship. I know all my little tigers will be behind me on Tuesday night. The Lady will prevail. And I proved to Ms. Starr just who that was, didn’t I?
[Tiger grabs another tape from the shelf, and inserts it into the VCR without pressing play. A serious look crosses her face, as she continues her conversation]
Tiger: Miko Azai. I chased after you for two months. And you ignored me. You returned to Grand Dragon, and offered an open contract. Ignoring me. I signed to face you on the Cat Fight. You rambled on about destroying me. Then, I defeated you. And now you’re crying rematch. Miko, I have a Western Heritage title shot next week. My first title shot ever in Grand Dragon! As well, I have a chance to advance to the finals of the Cruiserweight Tournament! I don’t have time for a match with you, Miko. Please accept that. Which leads me to . . . .
[A mischievous grin crosses Tiger’s face for a moment]
“Sexy” Sally McClane.
Tiger: Sally, ma Cherie, I haven’t forgotten about you! Sally, it’s a shame Charlotte won’t be here to hear your comments. A real shame. I’m certain you have a lot of things to get off of your chest. Fans of Grand Dragon, I wouldn’t want to miss this one for the world!
[Tiger winks at the camera from behind her mask]
Tiger: Sally, you take a lot of pride in cheating Laura Cameron out of a victory. Cheating the fans of Grand Dragon out of a great watch, by putting your feet on the ropes. The only thing you proved in that match, was that you couldn’t beat Laura Cameron without resorting to cheating. You won’t get away with that against me, Sally. Bring Mo and Trey, two goons with personality. Bring anyone you want. Prove to the world you can’t do the job by yourself. Then I’ll prove to you why they call me a tiger!!
[Tiger takes another tape from the shelf, and pushes it into the VCR. A slight chuckle escaping her again.]
Tiger: Lady Lion? Hardly! I will get my match against you soon, Sally, and you’ll feel the full fury of . . . . .
[The cameraman leaves as Tiger returns to studying her upcoming opponent]
Bishop: I must agree with Lady Tiger. Miko Azai is old news. It’s time for her to move on.
Dunbar: Moving on to a VERY HOT Sierra Browne…
Mutt: (chuckling!) Browne is gonna serve her ass! ‘Golden Girl’ Sierra Browne defeated the legendary Officer Order not once, but twice. And in spite of the excuses Double O might give you, Sierra pinned her in the middle of the ring for the WH title. I think Lady Tiger won’t prove as (clears his throat) formidable of an opponent.
Dunbar: Fans, we have word from the WESTERN HERITAGE Champion ‘Golden Girl’ Sierra Browne…
Sierra is stretched out on Medusa’s blood red velvet divan in a thong bikini and tube top. She glowers at the camera as she props herself up and swings herself around to face the camera.]
Sierra: Order, you asked me to ask meself if I tought I deserved dis belt. You know, I tought and tought about it and doux-doux darlin’ the answer is yes. You know why? You were 100 per cent when you entered the tournament. You were 100 per cent and supposedly at the top of your game when you got greedy. Well, I superkicked your head in, didn’t I? So, okay, you weren’t 100 per cent when you faced me for the Great Western Heritage title, but you know what? That’s your own fault. You knew the rules. You knew you had to make a defense. You knew you either let the injury heal or you forfeit your title. I congratulate you on competing. I was proud of you. At one time I thought you were the real thing. But that little cheap shot of yours proved me wrong. I see your true nature now. You’re more of a snake than Serpentine. Well, you may have the others fooled. You may have the fans fooled, but you don’t have me fooled at all. What surprises me is you want a piece of Medusa now.
[Sierra laughs and holds up the belt.]
Sierra: I guess you’ve just given up on this, haven’t you? Well, that’s just lovely. Real beautiful. Real, real beautiful. That’s what Medusa talks to us about in training, you know. You lot have no heart. No poetry in your soul. You just lose and stick your tail between your legs and lie in the bushes. Well, Order, times have changed. The people are different. You can steal my moves all you want, you’ll never be as good as me. You’ll never be as stylish or as wild. So you just keep yourself busy, Ms. Order. I’ll be waiting for you to grow some backbone.
[Sierra sits up straight.]
Sierra: Now on to serious matters. Lady Tiger, I have something to prove against you. See, I look at your record and I know you’re a worse wrestler than I was when I first came to Grand Dragon, but you’ve got a better record. Why? Because you only face nobodies. And then you get a bye into the second round? That’s just intolerable. So you watch videotape. You train and study real hard. Because I know you and your moves backwards. See what I did to Officer Order? You don’t want that to happen to you. If you have the courage I’ve put my title on the line. I want your best game, Tiger. Bring it to me or I won’t be a happy woman.
See you soon.
[Fade to black]
Dunbar: WoW! Those are some HOT words from the Western Heritage Champ! She’s calling Lady Tiger over rated?!
Mutt: And she is! Hell, Sierra Browne has a point. I never thought she and I would see eye to eye. But her new attitude has really endeared me to her. Lady Tiger, you are just a Lady *Lucky*!! I can’t wait to see these gals go at it!
Dunbar: We would now like to cut over to Allen Bishop who is sitting next to us in another part of the set with a relative newcomer to GDWA who just scored a big win over Laura Cameron, putting her on the injured list, here is “SEXY” Sally McClane.
[The scene cuts to another set located somewhere within GDWA studios, where the GDWA logo sits behind two chairs. In one chair sits Allen Bishop wearing a blue blazer with the GDWA logo emblazoned on it, while in the other “SEXY” Sally McClane, wearing a translucent silk shirt with a short skirt. She sits with her legs crossed exposing a lot of her inner thigh, while her bodyguards Mohammed and Trey stand behind her, in black suits and shades. Looking as serious as ever with their arms crossed in front of them]
Bishop: Sally? You requested this time and forum to come out and speak your mind on certain circumstances in the GDWA. Now, would you like to begin or would you like me too?
Sexy Sal: You’ve already begun. So how can I? [Bishop looks confused] Forget it. What I’m out here about is the current state of the GDWA! First off, the two losers, Lady Tiger and Charlotte La Mancha, who just think they’re SO funny with their IMMATURE pranks, well I’m not laughing. They ruined a good outfit and sofa with that blue ink gag and ladies I’m still awaiting your money for those cleaning bills. Now you two little practical jokers are really getting on my nerves, and I’ve disposed of one cruiserweight already, i.e. Laura Cameron, and I WILL take care of one other. As in YOU Lady Tiger, and I’ll slap around your fossilized manager too if I have to. I’ve had about enough of her as of late. She thinks she’s so bad, well why doesn’t she step in the ring and quit her whining about me and everyone else in the GDWA?
Bishop: Speaking of everyone else in the GDWA Sal. When you first arrived at Founder’s Day, you said the GDWA was full of nothing but a bunch of prissy bitches. Have your opinions changed?
Sexy Sal: On the whole, NO they haven’t. I’ve realized that SOME people in this fed deserve my respect. Like Dementia, and Andrea Chandler, and even Medusa Rage. But overall, the fed is below me and it’s a wonder I ever joined, really it is.
Bishop: How do you feel about Laura Cameron?
Sexy Sal: Who?
Bishop: Um…you know, Laura Cameron? The person you faced on the Catfight!
Sexy Sal: OH! You mean the person I BEAT on the Catfight.
Sexy Sal: Don’s new woman.
Bishop: Speaking of which, what’s the history there?
Sexy Sal: I explained it all on the MVP and I’m sure Laura and Don both will try to cover it up but it’s impossible, I’m sorry to say. It happened, I’m willing to move on and they should be too.
Bishop: I see. Well, what do you think of Ma Porter who you have to face on the Tuesday Night Cat Fight?
Sexy Sal: Um…it’s hard to respect someone like Ma, but it’s hard not to at the same time. I think that if Ma would lose a few pounds I’d respect her a LOT more. Remember Ma, cellulite is NOT our friend. Okay? Now, I know a great liposuctions. Give me a call and I’ll hook you up okay?
Bishop: Sally, is there anything else you’d like to say this week, before the card goes out?
Sexy Sal: I can’t really think of anything, sorry! Oh wait. I’d like to plug my gossip column for the GDWA Magazine. It’s called “The Unelevated Truth” with “SEXY” Sally McClane and I’ve dug up some interesting dirt about the GDWA superstars and you’ll all be interested to know this stuff. I guarantee.
Bishop: Do you expect to wrestle Laura Cameron any time in the future? Word has it that she has a vendetta against you.
Sexy Sal: As far as I’m concerned….<Sally McClane sucks!>…..and Laura Cameron knows that…<Sally McClane is a butthead>….and that Lady Tiger is gonna find out…<Sally gets on her knees>…
Dunbar: (sweating profusely) I think we are having some SERIOUS audio problems!!! Allen…
Bishop: Er, yeah! Um….anything else Sally?
Sexy Sal: No. And now, you can go back to whatever it is that you do, because I have to catch a plane to Tokyo Japan, and discuss matters for Midget Pro Wrestling, or whatever they’re calling it now. It’s a long story and I’m involved anyway, choi!
Bishop: Guys, what the hell was that? We’ve never had audio troubles before!
Mutt: That was Charlotte La Mancha and Lady Tiger with their damn practical jokes. I swear, Sally is gonna make the two Frenchwoman pay for making her look like a fool.
Dunbar: Before we get thrown off the air, let’s move on to WHO’S HOT & WHO’S NOT with Medusa Rage…oh my goodness!
“Hot Hot Hot” pumps through the PA loudly in the GDWA studio. Medusa Rage spins in her chair, bobbing to the music. She’s wearing a tri-corner hat, a white ruffled blouse under a long, black vest. She looks like a pirate except for the gold-framed sunglasses. Medusa smiles at the camera, her gold serpents’ teeth glittering.] Medusa: I said YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the newest installment of the realest show in the GDWA. Who’s Hot … Who’s not? Forget rankings. Forget who’s holding the belts. These are the real players and these are the real athletes as well as the real backroom politickers and jackasses of the GDWA. You wanna hear the truth, look no further than me. I promise you I don’t lie.
[Medusa leans forward intensely into the camera.]
Medusa: Let’s start with the tag-team ranks. Who’s Hot? The Hyena Queens. Those tacky jackasses still haven’t been beaten. Their time is coming, though. I promise you that. Who else in the tag-team division? Why the Misfits of course. Bar none … undefeated and undefeatable.
[Medusa pauses, considering something.]
Medusa: All right, moving to the singles ranks. Who’s hot? Bloody Mary. She beat the hell out of LANNY MANSON recently. She’s one new schooler who’s proved that these old schoolers just can’t cut it in the ring any more. That’s a fact. Who else is hot? Andrea Chandler. The former champ has scared away all the competition. Only Radhi Ananda is willing to step up to the plate. But see, like Bloody Mary, like me. She’s running into something I call the Old School log jam. These guys watched too much Ric Flair or something. They believe the only good title reign is a long and stalled one. Well, that just doesn’t cut it in the new GDWA. Hot? Sierra Browne. Here’s one girl who exposed Officer Order’s true colors, pinning the has-been twice in consecutive weeks to take her first singles title in the GDWA. Not only that, but she probably scared the Worlds champion into never accepting another title match. We’ll see who she defends against and when. And lastly … who’s hot? Me, that’s who. I’m tired of these old schoolers around here who got no backbone who reach for their Geritol and refuse to take chances. You know what, all of them can just kiss my … this is a family show, isn’t it … so they can kiss my callipygian anatomy. Look that one up, Order.
[Medusa sits back and laughs. She plucks off her sunglasses.]
Medusa: Now these next few wrestlers are cold. Ice cold. These are the people that spoil the party for everybody with their boring old shtick.
Lanny Manson. I’ll be damn surprised if we see that glue sniffer around again. Every time something doesn’t go her way. She quits. Well, Bloody Mary, certainly gave her her retirement papers. She’s done. Finished. Who else is cold? Organized Crime. Why the hell do they conspire to topple Andrea and then put in place a fellow coward? And then disappear? Ma Porter it ain’t enough to get on House of Styles and spew your version of Italian Ebonics. Let me put it to you in words you’ll understand, old schooler. “Youse gotta wrassle, aight?” Otherwise, I love the pinstriped suits.
And let me get to my double ice cold section. Officer Order and Daisy Butterfly. Fan favorites? Maybe. Nice girls. Ha! Don’t make me laugh. They’re low down dirty snakes who don’t have the talent to get over any more. Everybody’s tired of your shtick. You may have been good when the GDWA first opened, but Sierra showed you exactly what it’s all about, didn’t she, May? How’s the head? Come back and I’ll knock it for you too after that cheap shot. Oh, and before I’m finished. Let me get to the coldest wrestler of them all — your world champion, Dementia Praecox.
Oooh, she’s wild, she’s strong, she’s aerial. She’s full of…. let me say this right. She’s a feces-filled husk. She’s a coward and she knows she doesn’t deserve the belt. Hell, she’s hidden with it a month now. Who’s she gonna defend against? My bet … Nomad. She sure as hell won’t take a challenge from the Syndicate or me. Luckily Officer Order is hurt.
Who knows? She might wrestle her anyway. We’ve got a cowardly closet champion, y’all and let me tell you it’s already time to commit regicide.
[“Hot Hot Hot” begins to start up. Medusa looks seriously pissed as the theme starts playing. She jumps up from her seat.]
Medusa: Cut the music. I said cut the damn music. I ain’t finished talking yet, muhfuhs! Now cut it off before I have to hurt somebody’s ass up in here. You all listen to me. I got something to say. And it’s needed sayin’ for a long damn time now. A long damn time. See, there’s this bunch of old hens clogging up the GDWA for a while now. A bunch of old hens who haven’t been able to change with the times and got left behind. Now they’re whining and crying … the bad girls have taken over … the bad girls have taken over. There’s a reason why we’ve taken over.
You know what that is? WE compete. See, the old schoolers, you Ma Porter, you Officer Order, you Daisy Butterfly, you Lanny Manson, and you Zaranna. And most of all YOU Dementia Praecox. The whole lot of you old timers just whine and moan about how things have changed. This league was going nowhere until the Syndicate started to muscle in and the Age of the Rage dawned. That’s a fact. I know that the best of my generation could take a piece off the hide of the best you guys have to offer. Manson, you got your head handed to you by Bloody Mary. Porter, who the hell defers a title shot? And you think you’ll ever get another shot? Zaranna, where are you, girl? Running again and again. Order, Butterfly, haven’t you noticed you’ve been coming in second in your matches for a damn long time while the Sierra Brownes and the Radhi Ananda soak up the cheers that once fell on your ears? It’s time to pack it in, kids. You know what’s worst off all?
We’ve got a champion that I predict is going to stall as much as possible. She doesn’t want to face anybody in the big 5th. She won’t. Why? Because she’s a coward. That’s why. Dementia Praecox has crawled into her asylum and won’t come out. Dementia, let’s see exactly how brave you are. Let’s see. I challenge you. One-on-one, just you and me. You got what it takes to answer that? I bet you don’t. I bet you can’t because you know your title reign will be done just like that.
[Medusa snaps her fingers.]
It’s time to give it up. The new generation is here and we’re going to wipe you out. Now you play the music. I’ve said my piece.
**If there’s more to this card, this is all I have.**