Masked Marauder defends the ICWF World Championship against ICWF TV Champion Gretchen Gwynne; plus a 50 person battle royal.
(Jessie, Bob, Chad, and Lisa stand composed before a wildly cheering crowd; Jessie and Lisa are wearing close-fitting, low-cut evening dresses, while Bob and Chad are in tailored tuxedos.)
Jessie: Good evening, everybody, and welcome to the 1997 edition of Season’s Beatings, broadcast LIVE from right here in the sold-out Launching Pad, home of your season four IIFL champions, the Richter City Rockets! (Crowd noise rises to a deafening level at the mention of the popular team, then subsides.) I’m Jessie James, and with me are my co-hosts, “Luscious” Lisa Madison, Bob Brodsky, and Chad “Romeo” Romero! Tonight, the ICWF returns to pay-per-view programming with a bang, as we put several top belts on the line!
Bob: That’s right, Jess! For starters, the vacant US tag-team belts are up for grabs, as Born to be Wild squares off against the mighty Dogs of War!
Lisa: Absolutely, Bob! Also, you’ll see the current Intercontinental champion, Arlechino, takes on the AWESOME US beltholder, Spanish Rose!
Chad: Forget all that! My Mankillers defend their World tag championships against those wanna-bes, the Southern Sirens!
Jessie: And of course, the Masked Marauder will defend the ICWF WORLD’S title against the psychotic starlet of the Syndicate, “Gorgeous” Gretchen Gwynne! That match has direct bearing on our main event, right, Lisa?
Lisa: It certainly will! For as you all know, our showcase event is the battle royal, and the stakes vary based on that match. If the Marauder retains the belt, then the winner of the battle royal will face him for the title. If he should lose, thus vacating the TV belt, then the winner will claim THAT as the prize!
Jessie: Newcomers and veterans alike will have the chance to make a huge difference right off the bat. Many of the participants had a few choice words to offer about the battle royal. Let’s go to their comments!
(The scene: A typical dojo littered with bent iron rods, broken wood, sheet metal with the clear impression of hands and feet coming from one side. A well-muscled man in ninja-style tights emblazoned with a red dragon turns toward the camera, and begins to speak.)
DragonLord: The Master wishes me to tell you that he has noticed a great disturbance in the over spirit. The wrestlers here cause a disturbance that is displeasing. I am to meet him whereever it is ordained by the high priest Shoemaker to reset his spirit to join the one true path, the Path of the Dragon. I will give him the peace he needs that he may reflect and repair his broken life. I must go now.
(As if by magic, the enigmatic DragonLord pulls a ninja mask up over his face and seems to disappear into the background. The scene fades….)
Medusa stands alone in front of the Prophets of Rage’s purple and black backdrop. She grits her teeth and sneers at the camera.]
Medusa: I don’t even know why they want me to talk about nonsense like this. Battle royals. I mean please. I guess they just want me on TV. I understand that entirely. The thing I don’t understand is this. Who the hell do they think is going to stop the Rages from winning? Really? Who do they possibly think can do it? It’s not the Kingpin. He can’t handle my clan. And his little leatherclad nymphette, ViXXXen better watch out because Godiva’s got something for her in the taste department. She’s gonna slap the taste right out of your mouth, honey. If I don’t do it first. On to more important matters, though. The Rages are making their debut here and it’s in a battle royale? What the hell is that? Lump us all in together so you can’t see our gorgeous faces? Well, that won’t work for me. That won’t work for any of my crew, either. So you know what, ICWF? You’ve broken rule number one. Never piss off Medusa. Never. That’s your ass now. Now get this camera out of my face.
Medusa hisses at the camera as it fades to black.]
Venus lounges in the locker room.. waiting for the battle royal to be announced. He’s wearing lavendar sunglasses then looks up, as if just not realizing the camera is there]
Venus: So, you want a word from me.. is that it? Very well, I didn’t count on making my incredulous debut in a battle royal, but that’s neither here nor there. I shall fight to the best of my ability, and if I happen to eliminate the competition, so be it.
The Lavender Lover will make his mark in the ICWF. You can count on it, darling.
(The scene is Visions of Fitness, a health club in LaVergne, Tennessee. The decor is entirely purple, as one might expect from a place owned by “Vision in Violet” Nancy James. The camera pans throughall the bikes, stairmasters, and weight machines, following the Vision back to Aerobics Room #1, where Kelly Kandelski has just finished teaching a class.)
ViV: Kelly, I need to see you in the office afterwards. There’s been some news from Richter City. Jessica (turning to one of the women in the class), you too.
(A little later, the ladies arrive back in the office. Kelly has changed into a Nashville Nighthawks t-shirt and blue jeans, Jessica is in a gold lame dress that is entirely too short for the weather, and the Vision is still in her purple floor-length dress.)
ViV: Kelly, Jessica, I’ve just gotten word that the ICWF is back in action! They’re having Season’s Beatings in two weeks!
Kelly: Wow… I hadn’t heard. Have we gotten contracts?
(The Vision passes the mail around.)
Jessica: Wow, a battle royal… this ought to be perfect for you two.
Kelly: The prize is… either a shot at the World title, or the TV championship outright, depending on what happens beforehand. I’d love to get that title–then we’d all three have had singles belts.
ViV: It’d be nice, but what I want more than anything is a rematch with the Masked Marauder!
Kelly: And Helen and Jill are getting a shot at the Mankillers! Hmm… aren’t we champs of something-or-other?
ViV: You’re right–we still have those triples belts! Vive la Force Feminine!
Jessica: Did you hear anything about the new Juniors division? Is TSSAA going to let Alan wrestle?
Kelly: They have clued in that this isn’t the same sport, but we’re still checking with the NCAA. He has a scholarship offer from Tennessee-Chattanooga possible. And I think I’ve seen a former NCW junior champ in the gym here… let me go see.
(Kelly leaves, and returns with a small young girl in a purple shirt and shorts.)
Kelly: Kathy, these are my teammates, Nancy and Jessica. Ladies, this is Kathy Summers.
(Kathy curtseys to the ladies, who shake her hand…)
Jessica: Aren’t you Tara’s sister?
ViV: I hear you’re quite a little wrestler. Would you like to show me what you can do?
(The Vision pages 47, and then all four go to the boxing/wrestling room, where a man is waiting in the ring.)
ViV: Kathy, this is Jim, one of our trainers. Jim, this is Kathy, one of our prospects. Show him what you can do, Kathy–Kelly, you referee them.
(Kathy catches Jim by surprise at first and almost pins him with a top-rope thrust kick, but Jim kicks out, and the two have a pretty good match, with Kathy’s incredible quickness and Jim’s technical skill making it well-balanced for the full 15 minutes.)
ViV: Well, it looks like you know what you’re doing in there. By the way, do you have a name for that first move you pulled on Jim?
Kathy: Yes. It’s called Walk Away While You Can.
(The others lapse into thought…)
Kathy: It’s from a Tiffany song.
Jessica: Oh, of course, I should have known that from your sister…
ViV: Anyway, sign here, and you will be a member of the Silver Alliance.
Kathy: Mind if I take it home so Tara can look it over first?
ViV: Not a bit in the world!
Jessie: It’s time for our first big match of the evening! It’s for the vacant US tag titles. The Dogs Of War and Born To Be Wild will be going at it. Two of the teams who are still around from the last time around here in the ICWF.
Chad: Yeah, and lemme tell ya one thing. The Soultaker’s guys are gonna make dogfood outta Starr and Westfield. Those two girls stand about as much chance of getting outta a fight with the dogs in one piece as a US mailman tossed into a kennel filled with rabid pitbulls stands of leaving alive.
Bob: Well, if you ask me I think Born To Be Wild have what it takes to put a leash on the dogs.
Chad: Well, ya see, Dopesky.. That’s the thing. Nobody _did_ ask you.
Mike Duffer: This bout is scheduled for one fall and it IS for the US Tag Team titles. Introducing first, to my left, making their way to ringside accompanied by their bodyguard, the Dark Paladin. From the ninth level of hell and Valhalla, and weighing in at 521 lbs. combined…. Here are Cerebus and Fenris… the Dogs… Of…. WAAAAAAAAR!! (pause as Mike catches his breath)
(The three massive, masked, muscled men make their mark as they march to the mat. The fans booing almost drowns out Metallica’s “The Four Horsemen”, which plays from the PA speakers. All three completely ignore the crowd.)
Mike Duffer: And now, their opponents….. Hailing from Los Angeles, California and Dallas, Texas respectively and weighing in at a total combined weight of 315 lbs…. Accompanied to the ring by their manager, Susan James. Here are Samantha Starr and Carrie Westfield…..
(The crowd goes crazy as Steppenwolf’s “Born To Be Wild” comes blaring over the PA system.)
Mike Duffer: Born…. To…. Be…. WIIIIIIIIIIILD!
(The three women make their way down to the ring, slapping hands with the crowd and interacting with the fans all the way. Susan is dressed in blue jeans and a white T-shirt with “The Wild Bunch” airbrushed onto the chest in red. Samantha is about 6′ tall with Carrie an inch or so shorter. Both women are well trained with athletic physiques. Samantha is a blonde while Carrie is a brunette. Samantha wears a pair of loose fitting, ripped and faded blue jeans, a black T-shirt with WILD ONE on the front in white letters and black wrestling boots. A black leather jacket with WILD ONE on the back in white letters and a pair of dark sunglasses complete the outfit. Carrie wears blue jeans, black sleeveless T-shirt with the words WILD THING in white on the chest, dark brown boots and a black stetson cowboy hat. When they get to the ring the jacket, shades and hat come off.)
Jessie: And the crowd really showing their support for these two.
Chad: Big deal. The dogs outweigh ’em by more than 200 lbs. They’re dead meat.
Jessie: That remains to be seen, Chad…. WHOA! Cerebus CHARGES Samantha before the bell, and she’s clotheslined right out of the ring! And there goes Cerebus through the ropes as well!
Bob: Where’s the flag, ref? That was a blatant disregard of the rules!
Chad: Shut up, Brodsky. You wouldn’t know good wrestling if it came up and hit ya in the face with a steel chair! Cerebus is just doing what any sensible person would do.
Bob: You’re a sick person, Romero. Starr tries a vertical suplex on the big man out on the floor, but the Dog of War reverses it and then climbs into the ring again.
Lisa: Samantha follows in right behind him… And is nailed by an enzuigiri! Whip to the ropes by Cerebus…. And a BIG kick to the gut as Starr comes back off those ropes. She needs to change the momentum of this match quickly, or she’ll be in real trouble here.
Jessie: True, Lisa. So far it’s been all Cerebus. The dog climbing the ropes… I think it’s a little early for that… Yes. It is. He went for a diving shoulderblock, but Samantha with enough precense of mind to duck underneath it…. Cerebus up quickly though… Whips Starr to the ropes… Ducks down early for a backdrop… AND STARR PUTS ON THE BRAKES!
Bob: YES! BIG BODYSLAM ON THE BIG MAN!
Chad: I don’t freakin’ _believe_ it! He’s gotta be a hundred pounds or so heavier than her!
Bob: Never count any of the Wild Bunch down and out before you have the three count, Romero.
Chad: Oh, _please!_ She got lucky. It’s a minor setback, that’s all.
Lisa: Starr pulls Cerebus up by his mask…
Chad: Hey! She can’t do that! That’s illegal… right?
Jessie: Uh… Sure, Chad. Sure. She’s trying to get him up on the turnbuckle, but the big man is constantly frustrating her efforts and blocking it… Starr whipping him to the ropes instead…. And a shoulderblock sends Cerebus staggering. Samantha tagging out to Carrie now… WHOA!
Chad: WAY TA GO, FENRIS!
Lisa: Fenris charging into the ring and tossing Samantha right out, and now it’s both Dogs against Carrie Westfield in there. Double football tackle takes her down before the ref can force Fenris back out of the ring. And once again the dogs have the upper hand. This is why they are so dangerous. You can count on them to ignore the rules if they feel that’s to their advantage.
Chad: Hey. He was just making sure Starr didn’t cheat. She was taking her own sweet time leaving the ring.
Bob: She had JUST tagged Carrie, you submoron!
Chad: Yeah? And your point is?
Bob: You’re hopeless. You really are. Kick to the head by Cerebus. Picks her up again…. ENZI.. ENZA… One of those fancy-name moves!
Lisa: Enzuilariato, Bob.
Bob: Right. That one. Pin by Cerebus… One.. Shoulder up. Cerebus pulls her up again and tries to get her on the turnbuckle. Meanwhile Samantha is back on the apron again. Carrie blocking Cerebus…. AAAW, COME ON REF! DO YOUR JOB!
(The crowd boos like crazy)
Jessie: Fenris deciding to help his partner out. They whip Carrie to the ropes… Double fist to the gut doubles her over… And a double forearm to the back floors her before Fenris is forced out by James Beard again. Cerebus off the ropes… Clothesline missed! Westfield off the ropes…. Running forearm smash ducked by Cerebus.
Lisa: For a man his size Cerebus is deceptively quick, as we can see right now when he catches Carrie with an enzuigiri out of nowhere.
Jessie: I have to say, this match has been dominated by the dogs so far.
Bob and Chad: Of course it has!
(Both ment look at eachother in amazement. Lisa and Jessie look puzzled, then Bob and Chad both start speaking again at the same time.)
Bob: They’re CHEATING! What do you expect?
Chad (At the same time as Bob): They’re BETTER! What do you expect?
Jessie: And while Chad and Bob do their comedy routine Carrie has reversed a whip to the corner by Cerebus and then tagged Samantha back in. They whip him to the ropes… Double backdrop coming up… NO! DOUBLE HEADSMASH BY THE DOG OF WAR!
Chad: Beautiful! Even two on one they can’t stop him! HAH! Carrie leaves the ring… And there goes Samantha, courtesy of Cerebus. what a pair of losers. Good looking losers, but losers all the same.
Jessie: Sam back in on the six count… Grabbed by Cerebus… And a BIG gorilla press! Starr whipped to the ropes… AND NAILS CEREBUS WITH A JUMPING DDT OUT OF NOWHERE! The big man is stunned as Samantha places him on the top turnbuckle…. UP, UP AND AWAAAAAAAY! _Big_ double underhook superplex there by Starr! Cover and one, two, kickout… barely. Looks like Cerebus got the wind knocked out of him there.
Lisa: Well. Cerebus has been in the ring for a long time now, and it’s starting to show. He really needs to tag his partner soon I think. Cerebus off the ropes… And stopped by a bodyslam by Starr, who immediately applies a Boston crab on the downed dog….. Saved by Fenris there, and Cerebus taking with a football tackle taking both him and Samantha through the ropes as Beard pushes Fenris back out of the ring.
Bob: They’re brawling wildly on the floor… And Cerebus goes crashing into the ringsteps… And AGAIN! Samantha is on FIRE here. A belly-to-back suplex on the floor before she climbs back into the ring. And Cerebus follows her, a bit more cautious this time.
(After this the match swung back and forth several time, with neither team able to get that one, crucial move off to end the match, yet both teams hitting several nice spots. People were also thrown out of the ring left and right, and at times it seemed like noone told these people a wrestling match is supposed to happen INSIDE the ring. Not outside it. Some memorable moments were a beautiful textbook reverse neckbreaker on Carrie Westfield by Fenris. A move later repaid by an equally beautiful _swinging_ neckbreaker on Fenris by Carrie. Samantha showed more than once that she is no weakling by several times powerslamming or bodyslamming the bigger men when noone was expecting it. The dogs on the other hand proved that they are as ruthless as they come, repeatedly double teaming a member of BTBW, and getting several warnings from the ref in the process. We rejoin the action in the thirteenth minute when the Dogs once again have grabbed the advantage with a little strategic “bending” of the rules, and we find Cerebus and Samantha, once again brawling out on the outside.)
Chad: Heeeere we go! Boom, into the guardrail. BANG! Into the ringsteps! Heh. Starr is getting introduced to every foreign object outside of the ring.
Bob: This is a despicable display of disregard for the rules. The referee should _do_ something about Cerebus.
Chad: That zebra’s too chicken to go anywhere near Cerebus. Hey, why don’t _you_ tell him how wrong it is to knock the stuffing outta Starr, Brodsky? I’m sure Cerebus won’t hurt you…. much.
Bob: Uhm.. Well…. I would… But I’ve got this old knee injury, and….
Chad: Yeah…. And the pope is jewish.
Bob: _Really_! I’ve got a knee injury!
Chad: And the Bulkster is a talented wrestler.
Bob: Of course he is! Why, when he “Bulks up” nothing can stop him.
Chad: Brodsky. Are you sure you’re not some kinda freaky medical experiment?
Jessie: Guys, please. The match?
Bob and Chad: Sorry Jessie….
Jessie: Anyway. While Bob and Chad was concentrating on anything other than the match we’ve seen Samantha and Cerebus alternately introduce eachother to the various hard metal objects around the ringside area. The way these two are going you’d think there was a rule saying you have to use the ringsteps and guardrail as much as possible during a match to hurt your opponent. They’re back in the ring now, and Starr ducks a flying clothesline by Cerebus. Both of them look tired, and they’ve both been busted open. Carrie enters the ring, and Cerebus is the recipient of a double elbowsmash, sending him staggering.
Lisa: And Fenris enters, evening the odds in his own distinct style by tossing Carrie over the top. Fenris with a football tackle at Starr… Dodged! And Fenris goes CRASHING into Cerebus, sending both men to the outside. Samantha taking a breather inside the ring. She looks exhausted, as do both Dogs of War. Dark Paladin saying something to them… They nod, and Cerebus climbs back in the ring. Cerebus and Samantha circling each other.
Chad: YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!! NAIL HER!
Bob: MY WORD! THIS IS DISGRACEFUL!
Jessie: Fenris sneaking up behind Samantha Starr with a chair and NAILING her across the back while she was preoccupied with Cerebus! And Dark Paladin throwing a chair in to Cerebus now! BOTH DOGS ARE ATTACKING THE DOWNED SAMANTHA!
Chad: PERFECT! Simply PERFECT!
Lisa: And there’s no way James Beard is missing that one. He’s calling for the bell. Obviously a DQ here.
Bob: This is awful! The dogs are still attacking Samantha inside the ring, and Dark Paladin is standing on the outside laughing!
(Suddenly the camera catches Carrie sneaking up on the Paladin, carrying the ringside bell!)
Jessie and Lisa: You GO, girl!
Jessie: Carrie NAILING DP with that bell! And he looks out cold from that shot! She rolls into the ring… From behind Cerebus gets a shot to the back of the head sending him through the ropes! Fenris turns around confused.
(A big OOOOOOOOOOHHHH from the crowd, followed by a *DIIINNNNNNNGGGGG*)
Bob: Oh… my… god.
Chad: I can’t bear to watch.
Lisa: Carrie just drove the edge of that ringside bell into Fenris’ groin, and then followed it up with an uppercut to the jaw with the bell! Fenris falls, and Cerebus wastes no time pulling him out of the ring as Carrie stands guard over her partner.
Jessie: The dogs seem to have decided that enough is enough for today as they beat a hasty retreat down the aisle. Let’s hear the official word from Mike Duffer.
Mike Duffer: Due to the US tag titles being vacant the special rules of this match stipulate that the belts will be won even on a DQ or countout. So therefore….. Your winners, and NEW ICWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…. at the time of fifteen minutes, nineteen seconds…..
(Carrie and Susan help Samantha to her feet as the belts are brought into the ring and handed to the two women.)
Mike Duffer: Samantha Starr….. Carrie Westfield…… BOOOOOOORN…. TOOOOOOO…. BEEEEEEEE…. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLD!!!!!
(The crowd goes apeshit as Steppenwolf’s “Born to be wild” starts up over the PA system again, and the final member of the stable,Yoshiko Kage, comes down to congratulate her friends and stablemates before they all make their way back to the dressing rooms.)
Jessie: What an ovation here by this capacity crowd! These two girls has shown a lot of guts and heart tonight, and this crowd really appreciates it by the looks of things.
Bob: It… it’s beautiful…. it’s….
Chad: Oh for cryin’ out loud, Brodsky. What? Are ya gonna start cryin’ now? Those two girls got lucky. If the Dogs hadn’t tired of the games and gotten themselves disqualifed then Starr and Westfield would never have wrestled again. Trust me.
Bob: I’d trust Don King before I trust you, Romero.
Jessie: Be that as it may, I believe we have Sam Wilson standing by in the dressing room with Born To Be Wild right now. Sam?
(The camera cuts to the dressing room where we find the entire Wild Bunch standing next to Sam Wilson. Samantha has an icepack on her forehead and looks completely exhausted, not to mention more than a little beat up.)
Sam: And a big YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAW!!!! to you, Jessie. Y’all are absolutely right. I’m here with th’ new US tag champs. So how’d y’all feel right now, girls?
Carrie: How do we feel, Sam? Well, I’ll tell y’all how we feel! We feel GREAT! Ah, personally feel like ah’m on top o’ th’ world right now. We feel like a million bucks! We feel like th’ champs, if y’all know what I mean.
Samantha: (Groaning slightly) We feel like we just went through a meatgrinder. Oh, my achin’ head! I’m tellin’ ya, Sammy-boy. That might be the hardest match I’ve ever fought, bar none.
Sam: So, does this mean y’all have had enough o’ th’ Dogs for now?
Samantha: Enough? Not bloody likely! If they think this is enough to make us afraid of ’em then they’ve got another thing comin’. Think you can get away with tryin’ to beat the crap outta me with chairs, do ya guys? Well, _I_ don’t like that at _all_. So if I ever get the opportunity then I’m gonna get straight in yer face and rip yer throat out. Catch my drift, boys?
Carrie: Tha’s right. You puppies show your faces…. Well… Yer masks anyway, around us and we might just get a little mean. And Fenris, honey? The next time ah ain’t leavin’ y’all with yer stones intact, if ya know what ah mean.
Sam: Please, Carrie. Don’t say stuff like that. Y’all are makin’ every man around here wince in pain. Y’all have no idea just how painful that kinda thing is.
Carrie: Well, Sammy-boy, judging by th’ gagging an’ retching sounds Fenris made I’d say it’s pretty bad.
Sam: So, what about other opponents? Now that y’all are champs th’ whole fed’s gonna be gunnin’ fer ya. Y’all ready for that?
Samantha: No doubt about it, Sam. If anyone want a shot at these belts, well, then just line up and come on down, ’cause Born To Be Wild back down from no opponents.
Sam: Well, ah guess them’s some pretty clear words there from th’ new champs. Back to y’all at ringside… Oh.. An’ guys?…… YEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAW!!!
Jessie: Thanks, Sam! Next is the match that, I’m sure, Chad Romero has been waiting a long time for.
Chad: That’s exactly right, Jess. I’m gonna see the Clowned Moron of the ICWF, Arlecrapo, loose the belt to my protege, Spanish Rose. Oh, what a night!
Bob: I don’t suppose it would do any good to remind you how many times you’ve said that in the past, Romero?
Chad: Yeah, but the Moron’s never had to face anyone like Rose before.
Bob: Yes, he usually faces worthy contenders.
Jessie: And, let’s got to Mike Duffer for the ring anouncments.
Michael Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. And, it is for the ICWF Intercontinental championship. Introducing first, the challenger. She weighs in at 194 lbs, and hails from Toledo, Spain. Here is your current United States champion…SPANISH ROOOOSSSSEEEE!
(The arrogant spaniard struts down the aisle, blowing kisses at the male fans to a chorus of boos.)
Jessie: Chad, shouldn’t you be at ringside for such an important match?
Bob: (Sounding hopeful) Yes, Chad, shouldn’t you be at Rose’s side, guiding her in her persuit of her life-long dream?
Chad: Nah. I was gonna be in her corner, but she said she’d rather I stay here. She said somthing about not wanting any controversy in this match.
Bob: (Muttering) That’s a switch.
Michael Duffer: And now, the champion. He hails from Brooklyn, New York, and weighs in at 235 lbs. ARLECHINO!
(“Taco Grande” by Wierd Al plays over the speakers as Arlechino comes through the curtains. He’s dressed in a matador’s outfit, complete with silly fake moustache and arrogant sneer. He struts arrogantly to ringside, shaking his head arrogantly at the fans.)
Jessie: And, Spanish Rose standing in her corner, apparently not responding to Arlechino’s obvious shot at her image.
Chad: HA! I told you. Rose isn’t going to fall for any of the clown’s tricks. The title changes hands tonight!
Bob: Ar’s got more up his sleeve than showmanship, Chad. She’s still got to pin his or make him submit.
Chad: That’s not going to be a problem for her. She’s going to win this match, like she has every other match.
Bob: You mean, by having you interfere?
Jessie: (Sighs) And our two competitors face off as the bell rings. They circle warily…and lock up.
Bob: Ar taking control early as he whips Rose into the ropes…
Chad: And misses a clothesline! Rose with a sunset flip! 1…2…damn!
Jessie: Kick out, but a close one. Ar seemingly not worried about that close call.
Chad: Of course not! He doesn’t have the brains to be worried!
Bob: He does have the brains to roll up Rose for a pin as she argues with the ref, though.
Jessie: And Rose kicks out on two. Both wrestlers seem to be in this for the long hall, folks.
(The match is an exercise in intense wrestling as both atheletes throw everything they’ve got at each other. Spanish Rose hits Arlechino with her arsenal of power moves, and the champ responds with his high-risk maneuvers. At one point, both wrestlers take the fight outside the ring, trying to toss each other into the ring steps. They eventually make it back into the ring.)
Bob: And Arlechino in control as he prepares Rose for a suplex. This thing went back and forth, Jessie, until Rose tried for an enzuilariato against the champ.
Chad: That’s chump, and it ain’t over until the fat lady sings.
Bob: Rose can sing too?
Jessie: (Through clenched teeth) And both competitors running alot slower than we saw at the beginning of the match. Eight minutes doesn’t seem like alot out here, folks, but it takes a toll in the ring.
Chad: Especially when the wrestlers are giving it all, like Spanish Rose.
Bob: And Arlechino.
Chad: The painted moron being flung to the ropes by Rose…and she picks him up for a powerslam! And…he slips out! Damnit!
Bob: Arlechino sliding into a crucifix position, bringing Rose over…right into refeere Danny Davis!
Jessie: And Davis goes down with the two wrestlers…and he doesn’t seem to be moving much…(under her breath) big surprise. Arlechino dragging Rose to her feet by the hair…
Chad: Stop that! Hey ref…never mind.
Bob: Arlechino now with a whip to the ropes…and Rose goes over and out onto the floor! She’s taking the easy way out here!
Jessie: I doubt that, Bob. It looks more like she lost her balance against the ropes. Arlechino now, ignoring the downed ref and running to the opposite ropes. This could do it for Rose as he flies over…and hits!
Chad: NO! Wait…Rose isn’t moving…and neither’s Bozo the clown! Damn, I hope he hit his head or something.
Bob: Chad, please, a little professionalism! Neither wrestler moving on the outside, and the ref still out in the ring! Folks, we might have to call this one a draw if…wait! Who’s that?! Oh no, not him!
Chad: Oh yeah! Spaz coming to ringside!! Now the moron’s gonna get it!
Jessie: Arlechino just getting to his feet, he doesn’t see Spaz sneaking up…and nailing him with the Spazmission!
Bob: The what?
Jessie: Hey, that’s what he calls it!
Chad: Who cares what he calls it! He’s sending Arleyucko back into dreamland! I can’t belive it!! Who says Christmas is over?
Jessie: Spaz tossing an unconcious Arlechino back into the ring, and Spanish Rose after him. Now, he’s drapping Rose over the champ. Damnit! I can’t watch this!
Chad: Don’t worry, I’ll explain to the great unwashed what’s happening in the ring. Spaz now stomping on the ref. I can’t tell if he’s trying to wake him or or if he’s just having fun. Either way, the ref’s coming around, and Spaz hits the skids.
Bob: Smart move. Both Rose and Ar coming around as the ref counts. 1…2…3!
Jessie: No! The ref waving it off. Ar must have gotten a shoulder up!
Chad: But, what good’s it gonna do him? Rose picks him up…sending him to the ropes! POWERSLAM!! 1…2…3!
Bob & Jessie: WHAT!?!
Chad: YES!!! YES!!! OH YESS!!! OH, this is better than those twins in Las Vegas!! YES!!!
Bob: Arlechino robbed of the title here by Spaz!! I can’t belive this!
Jessie: I’m afriad it’s the truth, Bob, as the ref raises Rose’s arm in victory. Both she and Ar look too tired to celebrate, though.
Chad: Oh, don’t you believe it!! I can’t wait to get home tonight!
Jessie: Please, Chad, this is a family show!!
Chad: Oh sure, no one complained when you and the Snake Sisters were doing the nasty, but when I’m gonna get (censor bleeps).
Jessie: Alright ENOUGH! (Grumbles for a moment.) This next match will feature two of the best tag-teams around, wrestling for the ICWF World Titles. The Apache Warriors are back from a tour of the Far East, where they cut through their opponents like a hot knife through butter. They weren’t allowed to compete for the local titles, but they won all 63 matches in 3 months. That’s a lot of action.
Chad] Yeah, and they didn’t even blink. The Sirens may put up a fight, but they’re goin’ down.
Bob] Oh, really? Helen Churchbell and Jill will most likely take the belts, in my opinion. The Apache Warriors are worn out from that big tour, and not nearly as fit as they should be. We’ll see a change tonight, you mark my words.
Chad] Dream on, Dopesky.
Jessie] Calm down, guys. Let’s go to Duffer with the intros.
Duffer] Ladies and gentlemen. This next match is one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Now entering the arena, at a combined weight of 284 lbs, here are the sensational Southern Sirens, Helen Churchbell and Faithful Jill!!!
(The crowd cheers as the two walk down the aisle, quietly slapping hands with the fans, staring at the ring. They look all business and quietly climb through the ropes.)
Bob: We’ve seen a bit more intensity from Helen and Jill since they abandoned the cat costumes. They’re ready for this one.
Lisa: Bob, they’ve privately confided to me that they think some of the theatrics distracted from their wrestling. They’re ready to be taken seriously as athletes. Also, they no longer feel a need for anonymity, what with the uncertain future of the EWWA.
Duffer] And now coming down the aisle, led by their trainer, Luscious Linda, from the Arizona Territory, at a combined weight of 326 lbs, here are the reigning ICWF World Tag-team Champions, Tanya and Maria Mankiller, the Apache Warriors!!! (The crowd boos and throws cups and programs at the women as they stalk down the aisle, glaring at their opponents, who dare to enter the ring. The sisters wear matching bikini bottoms with leather, fringed croptops and knee-high moccasin boots. Their short black hair is cut at the ears. They yell at the crowd and taunt the Sirens.)
Jessie: We can see the sparks fly as they glare at each other and prepare for this match. Just look at those bodies! These four women have definitely worked hard for this match. Nothing was left to chance as these girls look to be in superb shape. I’m sure Chad and Bob think so.
Chad: (Staring at the women) Huh? What? Oh, yeah sure.
Bob: (Also staring) What? Oh yes, I agree with Chad. I think MSU will win the SEC title.
Jessie: Oh, brother. Here’s the bell. Helen and Maria start and lock up. Helen pushes Maria into the ropes and drives a knee into her gut, then hammers Maria with forearm smashes. Not many people, let alone women, can push either Mankiller like she did. Helen clamps on a side headlock and squeezes hard. Maria tries to push her off, but can’t get free. Helen keeps twisting and cinching that head and neck. Maria manages to grab a rope and Hebner breaks it up. Helen quickly grabs Maria and throws her against the ropes, and picks her up with a big scoop and slams her into the mat. That feels good. Wow, Helen Churchbell runs into the ropes and comes off with a big elbowdrop.
Bob: What a start. Here’s the count, 1……….2…., And a kickout.
Jessie: That was too close for the champs. A few more like that and the belts will change hands. Helen pulls up Maria by her hair and throws her to Jill who rams an elbow into Maria’s head. The poor girl is down and both Sirens stomp her. Hebner tries to break it and finally counts. Helen tags Jill who kicks Maria, but here comes Tanya who clotheslines Jill, then kneedrops her head. Helen steps through the ropes, but Tanya grabs her hair and throws her into the turnbuckle. She pulls Maria back to their corner and they tag.
Chad: This’ll change now. A fresh Mankiller’ll tear ’em up!
Jessie: Tanya runs at Jill, and drives a shoulder into her belly, dropping her. Tanya pulls her hair and throws her to Maria, who dives off the top rope and clotheslines her. We’ve never seen the sisters so acrobatic. This is really something! Jill falls back hard and Tanya drops on her for the pin, 1……….2…, and a kickout. Tanya pulls her hair and slams her head into the mat. Another pin, but Helen runs in and kicks Tanya’s head. Jill rolls over and covers Tanya, but she kicks out and rolls to Maria. They tag and Maria runs in to nail Jill with a fist to her belly, then a kneelift sending her into the ropes. <Both women keep hamering each other with Jill taking a worse beating. Maria really takes the offensive with a steady attack of fists and kicks, then a series of bodyslams. Jill finally manages to roll out and rest before coming back in and tagging Helen. With Helen, the odds get better as she beats on Maria, who’s starting to tire. Helen works on her head and neck, twisting and squeezing with headlocks and chanceries. Maria finally tags Tanya who enters and quickly turns the tide. She holds Helen against the ropes and drives a knee into her belly, then hammers her neck with a double-ax handle chop. Helen fires back, then tags in a rejuvenated Jill. The two teams spend the next several minutes battling back-and-forth.>
Jessie: Jill slumped in a neutral corner, and it looks like Maria wants to put this one away. She backs up, leaps in–NOBODY HOME!!! Maria bounces out of the corner–
Chad: –and into the ref! They knock heads, and they both go down!
Jessie: Jill’s unfazed, and she’s going to the top. She signals– INCOMING KITTY!!!
Bob: Do they still call it that?
Lisa: By any other name, that was a PERFECTLY executed moonsault.
Jessie: Jill’s hooked the leg, and Helen’s whaling on Tanya in her corner, trying to keep her out of the ring.
Bob: Ref! Ref, get up! We could be having new champions as we speak!
Lisa: Agreed, Bob! Helen’s had Tanya down for at least a five-count!
Chad: S-she’s just restin’! GET UP, TANYA! KICK OUT!!!
Jessie: Hebner finally rousing, and rolls over to the scene! He counts 1…..2…..3–NO!!! She got the shoulder up at the LAST second!
Bob: Incredible! They were SO close!
Jessie: No argument there! Now Hebner’s got Helen, he’s forcing her back to her corner–here come’s Maria! She blindsides Jill with a knee to the back, sending her down. Tanya’s still struggling to get up. Hebner’s still distracted, so Maria stuffs Jill’s head between her legs, pulls her into an inverted position, then jumps– OH! PILEDRIVER!!! That’s their move!
Chad: YES!!! Come on, cover!
Bob: This is disgraceful! They–
Chad: SHUT UP, Bob!
Jessie: And Maria pulls Tanya on top of Helen! Hebner counts–1…..2….. 3–NO!!! And Jill with a last-second kickout!
Bob: Yes! The Sirens are still in it!
Chad: Damn! No way!
Jessie: Both women struggling to stand, and Hebner just now managing to get Helen out of the ring. Jill with an Irish whip, reversed–and Maria nails Jill with a clothesline to the back of the neck from outside!
Bob: WHERE’S THE REF?!?
Chad: Who cares?
Jessie: Hebner turns to see Jill, staggering toward Tanya. The big woman picks her up, hoists her overhead–AND DROPS HER DOWN FOR A PILEDRIVER!!!
Chad: YES!!! Just like we practiced it!
Lisa: I’d heard these two were working on a gorilla press piledriver, and I guess they decided now was a good time to use it!
Bob: Even *I* will admit that that was a devastating move!
Jessie: An exhausted Tanya drops onto Jill, and Hebner drops to count– 1…..2…..3!!! And the Mankillers have defended their tag belts!
Bob: That was an incredibly hard-fought match. Both of these teams deserved a win tonight. Based on that performance, the Sirens HAVE to be considered the top contenders for any of the tag titles!
Chad: Maybe, but they’re still just contenders! My Mankillers are the CHAMPS!!!
Duffer: The winner, at 18:47 and still the reigning ICWF World Tag-team Champions, the Apache Warriors, Tanya and Maria Mankiller!!!
Jessie: What a match! Let’s go to our own luscious Lisa who has the Champions with her.
Lisa: Thanks Jessie. Come on in here Champs. That was a great and tough win tonight.
Tanya: (The Mankillers move in close to Lisa.) Thanks, Lisa. It was one heck of a tough match. We knew we’d win, but it was a lot harder than we thought. Those Sirens are one good team. They’d give anyone fits.
Maria: And a good beating. Helen and Jill can go toe-to-toe with anyone, anywhere.
Lisa: Any ideas on your next opponents?
Tanya: No, we usually just go with whoever wants a piece of us. And we give them much more than they ever asked for. I think we’ll keep these titles as long as we want to, then we’ll give them up and start over again.
Maria: Yeah. Half the fun is in getting the title again. We know we can do it.
Lisa: Tell us a little about your recent tour of the Far East. I understand you won all 63 matches.
Maria: Yes we did. It was a real gas winning against all those local wrestlers. We couldn’t win their titles, but it was fun just beating them. They even went two-on-one and each of us won. There’s no way the Mankiller Sisters will lose, unless there’s 10 or 12 of them.
Tanya: Even then it will still take a half day. The best matches were in Japan where the men took it personally when we beat them. Too bad, but when you challenge us that’s the price you pay. And they paid a lot! In Korea, we busted up a ring when Maria threw a woman into the turnbuckle and the whole corner fell apart. But she knew what to do and quickly used the turnbuckle to hammer her head. We won that in about 5 minutes. They hated us, but tough! We wrestle for keeps. Maybe if we were knitters instead of wrestlers, it would be different.
Lisa: Thank you very much and welcome back to the ICWF. You two look very good, very buffed.
Tanya: Thanks. We could make you like this in no time. Just stick with us, you’ll love it.
Lisa: (As the Mankillers walk off, Lisa straightens her skirt, then looks into the camera.) Um, that’s all from here–back to you, Jess!
Jessie: Joined now by one of the hottest players in the IIFL, the starting tailback for the NFC West champion Colorado Thunder, Jean “The King” Fisher! Jean, great to have you with us!
Fisher: It’s great to be here! I’ve always loved pro wrestling, and this is going to be a great match.
Chad: Like when your team got the pants beat off them in the playoffs?
Fisher: Well, sometimes things don’t always go your way. I mean, look at your haircut.
Chad: What the hell….
Jessie: This is probably the most talked about match of the ICWF’s short history as the Psycho Starlet finally gets her shot at the World Title against the Masked Marauder.
Fisher: Well, from what I hear, these two really hate each other and are ready to get it on.
Jessie: Let’s go down to the ring for the introductions.
Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen…this is a one fall contest with no time limit…it is for the ICWF World Heavyweight Championship. Introducing first, the challenger….representing the Syndicate, and led to the ring by her manager, The Kingpin…
(Crowd erupts into boos as the Kingpin appears.)
Duffer: From Wherever the Hell She Pleases….
(The opening drums of “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J ring through the crowd as they rain boos down.)
Duffer: Weighing in at 128 lbs….here is the ICWF World Television Champion….”Gorgeous” Gretchen Gwynne!!!!!
(Gretchen appears through the curtain, wearing a red bodysuit, huge overalls, a baseball cap turned to the side, and steel-toed boots. She is wearing sunglasses, and has the TV title strapped around her waist.)
Jessie: Now what is this? The gangsta look?
Chad: She’s been a boxer, a ballerina, a movie star, and now a “G”! I love it!
Duffer: And now entering the ring, in the dark blue mask and trunks…he weighs 290 pounds…he is your ICWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOORLD…from parts unknown, please welcome…the MASKED Ma-RAU-derrrrrr!!! (Copious booing from the fans as he turns and makes threatening gestures.)
Jessie: There’s the bell. These two circling each other…Masked Marauder runs into the ropes…Gwynne hits Masked Marauder with a shoulderblock!
Fisher: He didn’t even move. She’s too little for that.
Jessie: Gretchen Gwynne whips the Marauder into the turnbuckle, but Masked Marauder reverses it…..Gwynne staggering out…Masked Marauder executes a Gorilla Press!
Chad: Get up!
Jessie: Chad, impartial as always….
***|<The match continues for another 17:00, during which time, the Masked Marauder pummels Gwynne from pillar to post. Gwynne’s head is busted open on the guard rail at ringside, and the Marauder has powerbombed her through a table. Gwynne is out on her feet. The Marauder whips her to the ropes, and is coming off when the Kingpin trips him, allowing Gwynne to slip out to the floor. When the Masked Marauder comes out after the Kingpin, he tries to clothesline the Kingpin up against the ring post, but misses and jams his arm into the post. The Marauder rolls into the ring, but is in considerable pain, and is met by Gwynne, who goes to work on his arm with a barrage of manuevers.>|***
Jessie: And just like that, Gwynne’s in control…
Chad: I smell new champ!
Jessie: Marauder shoving her off into the ropes….Gretchen coming off….clothesline by Marauder…NO! Gwynne ducks under it, and uses the momentum to lock in the hanging chicken wing! That’s SIMPLY GORGEOUS!!! And look at the Marauder scream in pain!
Chad: I can’t even hear him! I can’t hear anything! This crowd is on fire!
Fisher: Is he shaking his head that he gives up?
Chad: Well, Gretchen’s using the ropes for extra leverage…she’d better be careful…no one wants a DQ in this one.
Jessie: Referee A.J. Bledsoe asking if the Marauder submits…he is screaming something but his head his bobbing up and down in pain….
Chad: What the hell?
Jessie: Bledsoe calling for the bell….what’s going on here?
Jessie: Indeed as Bledsoe is getting the belt from ringside…did the Marauder submit, or has he disqualified Gwynne?
Chad: This one has to be a no-contest. He doesn’t know what’s going on…
Duffer: Here is your winner….as a result of a submission….and NEW World Heavyweight champion…..”Gorgeous” Gretchen Gwynne!!!!!!
Jessie: HE’S GIVING GWYNNE THE BELT!
Fisher: Oh, that Marauder’s not too happy about that…
Jessie: The Marauder is furious! He’s saying he never submitted!
Chad: I don’t know, but this one is over, and we have a new World Champion!
Jessie: We need to go down to Kris with the new champ for this one. Kris?
Erickson: Well, I’m down here in the locker room, and we’re waiting for Gretchen to come back…
(Suddenly the door bursts open, and the Kingpin, ViXXXeN, Gwynne, and the Zents brothers pour in, cheering.)
Erickson: Controversial decision by the referee.
Gretchen: Controversy my ASS! He gave up, and I’m the World Champ. Undefeated. Ever. Deal with it.
Erickson: A rematch will no doubt be in order.
Gretchen: Hey, if he wants a rematch, he can get in line with the rest of the losers! I’m the champ! I’ve got TWO belts now. People think I’m vacating the World TV title, but I ain’t. I’m keeping it. I’m gonna unify these belts. North American title is next. I’m gonna win that one too. Then the US belt. Hell, I’m gonna have ’em all. I’m the champ, and you’re not, Krissy-poo. That’s just the way it is. Now take your little cameras and get out of my party.
(The cameras jostle as Caray Zents shoves Erickson and the cameraman out of the room, then slam the door loudly. Cheers can be heard through the door.)
Erickson: Well, that’s it down here…back to you, Jessie.
Jessie: Coming up next, tonight’s main event! Fifty ICWF superstars battle it out for the now-vacant ICWF World Television title!
Bob: And we’ve got a great mix of ICWF veterans as well as some of our highly-touted newcomers scheduled to compete! Any one of these fifty wrestlers could walk out of here as the new TV champ!
Chad: Get real, Brodsky! These new guys are about to find out what REAL competition is! I say a seasoned ICWF vet takes the gold!
Lisa: But Chad, let’s not forget that many of the newcomers have held titles in other organizations, so they know what it takes to win.
Chad: Well, they are ALL lucky that my gal Spanish Rose is not involved in this one! She would take ’em all out!
Jessie: It appears we are ready to begin, as all fifty wrestlers are now in the ring…And there’s the bell!
Bob: And all heck has just broken loose!
Bob: You know what I mean! There are so many bodies in that ring, it’s almost impossible to pick out what individual wrestlers are doing!
Chad: Well, *I* can see that the Syndicate is doing what it does best! ViXXXen and Stewart Zents are working over Happy Guy…
Bob: That’s Happy MAN.
Chad: Guy, man, whatever. He doesn’t look so happy now! Stewart has him locked up from behind, with ViXXXen pounding the helpless sap. She backs up for the big finish, and….NO!! Happy Man ducks, and ViXXXen clotheslines Stewart, sending him over the top rope and to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Stewart Zents has been elminated!
Lisa: The Kingpin can’t be very happy about that one!
Jessie: ViXXXen is making Happy Man pay for that one, as she traps him in the corner and works him over. Meanwhile, Derek Rage is going toe-to-toe with Body Girl Randi. She whips him into the ropes and goes for her patented tilt-a-whirl suplex, but Derek counters it with an enzuilariato!
Bob: And a might fine enzoorato that was!
Chad: That’s “enzuilariato”, Chumsky! How did you get this job anyway?
Jessie: Ray Fisher with a dropkick to Kelly Kandelski. Fisher goes to the top turnbuckle…
Chad: Somebody shove him off!
Jessie: And executes a moonsault onto the prone Kandelski!
Chad: 47 other wrestlers in the ring and they all blew a perfect opportunity to take out the Wonder Punk!
Bob: Ray is an up-and-comer, Romero. HE could walk out of here tonight as the TV champ!
Chad: Yea, and I could be crowned King of England tomorrow! And why is he slapping around Kandelski, those two goody-two-shoes should be working together!
Bob: There are no friends in a battle royal, Romero, especially when the stakes are so high! Kandelski goes for a belly-to-back suplex on Fisher, Fisher with a reversal and suplexes Kandelski right out of this match!
Ring Announcer: Kelly Kandelski has been eliminated!
Jessie: And a big surprise there, as Kandelski had to be one of the favorites coming in!
Chad: Ah, she wanted out of there, she knew if Rob Foster got a hold of her she was in BIG trouble!
Jessie: Ray has no time for a breather though, as Bambi whips him into the ropes. Ray ducks the clothesline, and nails Bambi with a reverse flying elbow! He quickly pulls her up and dumps HER over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Bambi has been eliminated!
Lisa: That’s two eliminations within one minute’s time for Ray Fisher!
Chad: He got lucky! NOW he’s in big trouble, as Python Princess just clobbered him from behind!
Bob: It looks like someone else is about to go over the top on the other side of the ring! Who is that?
Jessie: That’s Hippie Chick, and she’s hanging on for dear life as Venus tries to eliminate her, and does!
Ring Announcer: Hippie Chick has been eliminated!
Jessie: Hippie Chick the first newcomer to be eliminated in this match! Two other wrestlers making their debut, DragonLord and Miguel Thunder, are slugging it out in one corner, while still another first-time, “Terrible” Tori, takes on one of the Pain Sisters, Rikki.
Bob: Tori with a rake to the eyes of Rikki! What a cheap shot!
Chad: Hey, whatever it takes! I kinda like this Tori chick, I wonder if she’s looking for a manager…
Jessie: Tori tries to throw Rikki over the top rope, but Rikki able to hang on. And Kommando Karla sends Justice packing!
Ring Announcer: Justice has been eliminated!
Chad: There is no justice for Justice tonight!
Lisa: Karla was the winner at the last Crazy Eights PPV, so she knows how to handle herself in this type of match.
Bob: She faces a big test now, as the massive Sledgehammer has stepped forward to challenge her! He blocks Karla’s first blow, blocks the second one, whips her into the ropes and locks her in a sleepherhold!
Jessie: And we’ve had another wrestler eliminated! Spaz is out, courtesy of ViXXXen!
Chad: Spaz has his mind set on the clown Arlechino, he could care less about the TV belt!
Jessie: Jennifer Sanders tries to surprise ViXXXen from behind, but ViXXXen ducks and the Sidewinder is eliminated!
Ring Announcer: Jennifer Sanders is eliminated!
Chad: The vivacious ViXXXen is on a roll! She goes after Nevermore next, whips him into the ropes, he ducks one clothesline but then they collide in the middle of the ring!
Lisa: Both wrestlers are stunned, but fortunately for them no one has moved in for the elimination.
Jessie: We’ve still got a long way to go in this one folks! Claw Hammer with a devastating powerbomb on referee-turned-wrestler Donna Quinn!
Chad: Referees have no business in the ring!
Bob: You WOULD say that, Romero! One of the Rage clan, Shadoe Rage, is trying to eliminate Korynn Teargiver, but he can’t quite get her over the top rope.
Jessie: Same story on the other side of the ring, as Dark Star has just about eliminated Rikki and…no! The Pain Sister almost touched the floor, but she scrambles back in under the bottom rope. Meanwhile, Jason “The Tank” Martino is pounding veteran Kevin Taylor. But Taylor drives Martino back with a series of punches! Martino staggers back against the ropes, Taylor rebounds from the opposite side of the ring and sends Martino to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Jason Martino has been eliminated!
Chad: So much for The Tank!
Bob: Karla with a kick to the midsection of that scum J.Q. Smooth. She scoops him up and drives him into the canvas with a powerslam!
Chad: Karla should show a real man like J.Q. a little more respect!
Jessie: ViXXXen’s latest victim is Venus, as she puts him down with a double underhook backbreaker!
Lisa: The Syndicate was the first group to lose a wrestler, but ViXXen’s performance has more than made up for that!
Bob: Donna Quinn seems to have recovered nicely from Claw Hammer’s assault, as she nimbly avoids a charge from Brianne Brodie. Quinn tries to whip Brodie into the turnbuckle, Brodie with the reversal. “The Bomber” follows through, driving a shoulder into the stunned Quinn.
Chad: Quinn is a goner!
Bob: Not quite, as Brodie is unable to throw her over the top rope. She’s still got a lot of fight left in her!
Jessie: ViXXen has turned her attention back to Nevermore. She whips him into the ropes, ducks down for the backdrop, but Nevermore catches her in a jumping DDT! He grabs her by the hair and tosses her over the top rope!
Chad: And ViXXXen is NOT happy about that! She tries to get back into the ring, but is quickly held back by the usual pack of officials.
Bob: What a poor sport! Back to the action! Dark Paladin and Happy Woman are going at it. Paladin leaps over the shoulder block, Happy Woman ducks the clothesline, Paladin goes for a running forearm smash, Happy Woman ducks that and nails him with a clothesline!
Chad: How did they find any room to bounce around the ropes like that! There are still forty-one wreslters in there!
Jessie: Medusa Rage trying to come off the top turnbuckle, but Jeri Taylor nails her in the stomach! Medusa falls onto the turnbuckle and back into the ring!
Lisa: That’s dangerous territory to be in during a battle royal! A fall to the floor from that top turnbuckle could end a career!
Chad: Jeri can’t capitalize on Medusa’s mistake, as Randi sends her down with a knee to the back. The Body Girl with a piledriver to Taylor, she pulls her back up, and sends her right back down with a short clothesline! Randi whips Taylor into the ropes, Taylor ducks one clothesline, ducks another, leaps over Randi, and nails her with a kick! How lucky can you get!
Bob: Luck has nothing to do with it Romero, Jeri Taylor is one of the up-and- coming young stars here in the ICWF. It won’t be long before she has some gold around her waist!
Chad: She needs to pay attention though, as Rob Foster clubs her from behind with a forearm. Wherever the Body Girls go, you’ll find Foster as well! He’s setting her up for a suplex of some sort…
Jessie: But Jeri reverses it into a belly-to-back suplex of her own! Foster may be hurt, as he clutches his back in pain! Jeri pulls him back to his feet, she may go for the elimination here but…wait a minute, Dark Star having a few words with her. Looks like we might have a double team here. Jeri holding Foster from behind, Dark Star with a kick which nails Jeri!
Chad: Foster slipped out of the way just in time! But I think Dark Star intentionally kicked Taylor! Rob quickly to his feet, and he dumps a stunned Taylor over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Jeri Taylor has been eliminated!
Jessie: Foster taunting Jeri from inside the ring, Medusa Rage comes up from behind and dumps him…no! Foster on the ring apron grabs Madusa by the hair and pulls her over the top rope and to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Medusa Rage has been eliminated!
Lisa: Smart move there by Foster, one of the craftiest wrestlers in the sport today! You may not like his attitude, but you have to admire his skill.
Bob: How lucky can you get! That loudmouth will get his one day, you’ll see!
Jessie: Venus going for an upside down bow & arrow submission hold on Korynn Teargiver, but she breaks that up with a face rake, and then…
Chad: Ow… He’s going to be singing soprano in the shower tonight!
Jessie: Korynn with what is commonly known as a low blow to Venus! Korynn goes for a fireman’s carry, but Venus recovers in time to block it, and executes a belly-to-belly suplex of his own! Venus pulls Korynn to her feet, and tosses her over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Korynn Teargiver has been eliminated!
Bob: Deborah Duncan now challenging Venus, and she receives a boot to the gut for her troubles. Venus goes for a backdrop power bomb, but Deborah flips over his back, landing on her feet. Venus charges in, but she scoops him up and slams him down! Venus to his knees, but Deborah cinches him in and executes a piledriver!
Chad: Venus is in big trouble!
Jessie: Deborah off the ropes, but Venus catches her and drop her neck across the ropes! He picks her back up and executes his patented Driving Brainbuster!
Bob: There’s action everywhere in the ring! “Fantastic” Frank Knight has locked a hold of some kind on Body Girl Brandi…
Lisa: He calls it the Fantastic Pain.
Chad: Whatever it is, it looks like it hurt! Nikki of the Pain Sisters makes the save. Brandi in a lot of pain, but she nails Knight with a forearm smash, and locks him into a bearhug!
Jessie: Venus now going to work on one of the Rage clan, Godiva. He whips her into the ropes, and nails her with a dropkick that sends her over the top rope and to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Godiva Rage has been eliminated!
Chad: That’s two of the Rages gone! Just how many of them are there?
Bob: Venus has certainly made a name for himself in this one! OH! Kathy Derringer hits Brandi with the Devastator! The Body Girl is out of it, and is an easy elimination for Kathy!
Ring Announcer: Brandi has been eliminated!
Lisa: Brandi took the Fantastic Pain and the Devastator, and nobody can stand up to that kind of punishment!
Jessie: Derringer has no time to celebrate, as Derek Rage surprises her with a power bomb!
Chad: Uh-oh, looks like Denise Duncan and AC Hammer are continuing their rather unique relationship in the center of the ring. Denise with a kick and a headbutt, sending AC to his knees. What a wuss!
Jessie: And Sledgehammer picks Caray Zents and tosses him over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Caray Zents has been eliminated!
Bob: Sledgehammer right back into the fray, pulling Angel out of the crowd. He whips her into the ropes, Angel with the reversal but she is met with a boot to the face. He pulls her back to her feet, and stuns her with a headbutt. Picking her back up, he tries to throw Angel over the top, but she manages to grab hold of the ropes and save herself.
Jessie: Dalbello Rage seems to be getting the best of Donna Quinn right now…
Chad: Of course, she’s ‘Ms. Perfect’! And Dark Star is pounding the snot out of Frank Knight, nailing him with the Miracle!
Bob: “Pounding the snot out of Frank Knight”? Please, Romero, is that any kind of language to use when kids are watching? Now, there’s someone the kids can watch, the former ICWF champ “Vision in Violet” Nancy James! ViV nails Brianne Brodie with a piledriver, showing the new girl how it’s done! And somebody else has been eliminated!
Ring Announcer: Yoshiko Kage has been eliminated!
Jessie: Kevin Taylor gets credit for that one, but he almost follows Yoshiko out as Nikki tries to dump him out from behind! And now Nikki is attacked by the DragonLord!
Lisa: They come at you from all sides in a battle royal! The wrestler who can stay aware of his or her surroundings has the best chance of surviving!
Chad: Another of the Rage clan almost hits the floor, as Derek fights off the attempt by AC “Loserboy” Hammer. And Rage makes Hammer pay for it with a tiger driver! Rage picks up Hammer, this could be all for AC, but Rob Foster with a boot to Rage’s gut, and DDT!!!
Jessie: Foster picks Derek up, whips him into the ropes, and catches him in a spinebuster slam! He climbs to the second turnbuckle, and drops an elbow on Rage. Rage back to his feet, Foster whips him into the turnbuckle, no, Rage with the reversal! Foster rebounds hard from the corner, Rage slams his face into the canvas! Derek with a German suplex! He picks Foster back up in a choke hold, we could have a choke slam here!
Chad: But Rob nails him with a kick to the stomach! Derek doubles over, Foster grabs him by the scruff of the neck and throws him out!
Ring Announcer: Derek Rage has been eliminated!
Jessie: And Ray Fisher could be the next to go, Brianne Brodie going for a spin kick to send him out, but Fisher ducks and throws the off-balance Brodie out instead!
Ring Announcer: Brianne Brodie has been eliminated!
Bob: Nevermore with the Kinslayer on Donna Quinn! And ViV could be out of this one, as Paul Moranis has her halfway over the ropes! But her heart and determination shine through as she fights her way back into the ring!
Chad: “Heart and determination”? If those are so important, why isn’t SHE still the ICWF World Champion?
Lisa: Venus is trying to add another elimination to his credit tonight, but he can’t quite get Pain Sister Nikki over the top rope. And there goes the DragonLord!
Ring Announcer: The DragonLord has been eliminated!
Jessie: DragonLord had the cobra clutch locked in on Shadoe Rage, but Rage was able to make his way to the ropes and dump his opponent over and out! Venus tries to attack Shadoe, but Rage catches him with forearm! Rage whips Venus into the ropes, catches him coming back and drops him on the top rope. Shadoe sets Venus up for…yes….the Angel of Death Drop!
Bob: Stick a fork in Venus, he’s done!
Jessie: Shadoe goes for the elimination, but he’s cut off by Jessica Spangles, who puts him down with a vertical suplex. And now Spangles is attacked in turn by OWA superstar Miguel Thunder, who surprises her with a moonsault bodyblock!
Chad: There are bodies flying everywhere! Whoever survives this deserves the World Title!
Jessie: But of course the ICWF World Title now belongs to “Gorgeous” Gretchen Gwynne. The Syndicate may be out of the battle royal, but they hold the big one!
Bob: Venus almost has Donna Quinn out, but can’t quite get the job done. And ViV is having problems with Dalbello Rage…
Chad: That’s Ms. Perfect to you, Brodsky!
Bob: Keep it up, Romero! Rage sends ViV down with a clothesline. Rage with a whip into the turnbuckle, ViV with the reversal, and Rage hits the corner hard! ViV meets her on the rebound with a kick to the midsection. ViV executes a gutwrench suplex, and Rage is on the ropes! ViV picks her up and easily tosses her out!
Ring Announcer: Dalbello Rage has been eliminated!
Chad: And that loser AC Hammer is outta there as well, thanks to Rikki!
Ring Announcer: AC Hammer has been eliminated!
Lisa: Deborah Duncan tries to make Jessica Spangles the next elimination, but no such luck. Deborah suplexes Jessica back into the center of the ring. Deborah with a whip into the ropes, but she puts her head down too soon and Jessica drops an elbow on her. Jessica off the ropes, leaps over Deborah once, but Deborah knocks her down with a shoulderblock. Deborah sets up for a suplex, but Jessica with the reversal suplexes Deborah up and over the top rope and to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Deborah Duncan has been eliminated!
Chad: Another goody-good bites the dust!
Jessie: Kommando Karla is almost out of there, as Tori tries to knock her over with a flurry of punches and kicks, but Karla hangs on! She fights her way back through the ropes, a head butt to the stomach sends Tori staggering back. Karla whips Tori into the ropes, but Tori grabs the ropes and stops her momentum. Karla charges in and clotheslines Tori, sending her to the floor!
Ring Announcer: “Terrible” Tori has been eliminated!
Chad: Whaddya know, the Vision in Violet is having problems with “Fantastic” Frank. Looks like she’s going to be the next one to taste the floor!
Bob: ViV indeed in some trouble, as Knight has her back against the ropes! He signals for the finish, and WOAH!! Knight is outta there as ViV ducks the blow and backdrops him over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: “Fantastic” Frank Knight has been eliminated!
Chad: And look at that back-stabber Angel, attacking ViV before she can recover from the battle with Knight! Angel tries to dump ViV out, but ViV has herself tangled in the ropes.
Bob: Will you stop! This is every man for himself, and Angel knows that as well as anyone! Actually, in her case, that should be every woman for herself!
Chad: Nope, you were right the first time.
Jessie: Paul Moranis and Claw Hammer are locked in a heated battle and…another wrestler has been eliminated!
Ring Announcer: J.Q. Smooth has been eliminated!
Jessie: J.Q. thought he could take out Angel while she was occupied with ViV, but Angel turns the tables by eliminating Smooth!
Chad: J.Q. isn’t going to be very happy with that! Eliminated by a woman! Or is that a man?
Jessie: Angel turns back to face ViV, but Jessica Spangles has joined the fray to help her friend. Jessica catches Angel in a belly-to-back suplex, stunning her. Jessica pulls Angel to her feet, and tosses her out of the ring and out of the battle royal!
Ring Announcer: Angel has been eliminated!
Lisa: You can see that some of the wrestlers are starting to tire, it has been a long match and we have a long way to go. Twenty-four wrestlers remain from the fifty that began the match over one hour ago!
Bob: That creepy Nevermore tries to throw Happy Man out…
Chad: Talk about two extremes…
Bob: Meanwhile, Dark Star and Rikki are teaming up on the monstrous Claw Hammer.
Chad: Rikki should keep in mind what happened to Jeri Taylor earlier in the match, I don’t think Dark Star can be trusted!
Jessie: They’ve got the big man staggered, and a double clothesline sends Claw Hammer to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Claw Hammer has been eliminated!
Chad: Claw’s brother Sledge is faring a bit better, as he just jack-knife power bombed little Ray Fisher! Your boy doesn’t look so good now, Brodsky!
Bob: Happy Man and Happy Woman trying a little double team of their own, this one on Kathy Derringer. They’ve almost got her over the top rope, but Kommando Karla comes up from behind and dumps Happy Woman to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Happy Woman has been eliminated!
Lisa: Karla catches Happy Woman napping there, and one more wrestler hits the showers!
Chad: Karla going for the daily double and the elimination of Happy Man, but Mr. Happy will have none of that! He puts her down with a body slam to end that threat. Now Denise Duncan tries out Happy Guy. He ducks a flying forearm from the Deadly one. A whip to the ropes, followed by a dropkick sends Denise down again. Happy tries to do her a favor and eliminate her so that she can pound on AC Hammer some more, but Denise wants to hang around for awhile.
Jessie: Kevin Taylor in a bit of trouble, as Rob Foster sends him stumbling backward into the corner with an elbow to the forehead. Foster signalling for the DDT, but Taylor with a back bodydrop!
Bob: Look at that coward Foster trying to beg off, but Taylor hooks him in an executes a double underhook suplex! Taylor sets Foster up on the top turnbuckle, and executes the Flying Gutwrench Salto! So long Rob!
Chad: Yes! Foster with a thumb to the eye, and Taylor’s moment of glory is finished! Meanwhile his pal Ray Fisher is reeling from the assault of the lone remaining Rage, Shadoe. Shadoe charges Fisher with a shoulderblock, and sends him to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Ray Fisher has been eliminated!
Jessie: Shadoe Rage isn’t paying attention to the action behind him, and Kevin Taylor gets revenge for his partner by dumping Rage over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Shadoe Rage has been eliminated!
Chad: Looks like we’re out of Rages…
Lisa: Twenty wrestlers remain in this one… make that nineteen!
Ring Announcer: Kommando Karla has been eliminated!
Jessie: Karla fell victim to Miguel Thunder, and the Crazy Eights champ is history! Nikki tries to catch Thunder by surprise, but he catches her with a kick. Meanwhile, ViV with a whip into the ropes on Kevin Taylor, Taylor reverses it and goes for a dropkick, but misses it when ViV steps aside! ViV to the top turnbuckle, and a big legdrop on Taylor!
Chad: And so much for Kevin Taylor as ViVie sends him to the showers!
Ring Announcer: Kevin Taylor has been eliminated!
Chad: And there goes the ref!
Ring Announcer: Donna Quinn has been eliminated!
Lisa: A valiant effort by Donna, but she fell victim to a double-team from the Pain Sisters, Nikki and Rikki. Those two may have an advantage, as they are the only remaining tag team in this battle royal!
Bob: The Sisters turn their attention to Denise Duncan. Meanwhile, Sledgehammer and Paul Moranis are still going at it. Sledge whips Moranis into the ropes, Moranis comes back and nails him with a lariat. Wait a minute, he’s biting Sledgehammer!
Chad: That’s gotta taste awful!
Bob: A furious Sledgehammer picks up Moranis and hurls him over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Paul Moranis has been eliminated!
Jessie: The Pain Sisters have really done a number on Deadly Denise Duncan. Duncan pulls herself to her feet, using the ropes, and she’s caught with an enzuigiri from Miguel Thunder, sending her over the top rope and to the floor!
Ring Announcer: Denise Duncan has been eliminated!
Chad: Now she can go pound on AC some more!
Bob: Oh, we just lost a Pain Sister!
Ring Announcer: Rikki has been eliminated!
Jessie: The Pain Sisters were split up temporarily on different sides of the ring, and Nikki was unable to save her sister from elimination at the hands of ViV! Dark Paladin tries to attack ViV, but she drives him back with a series of blows!
Bob: And Happy Man hits Rob Foster with the Smile and Say Cheese! Looks like Foster’s stay in this match is over!
Chad: But Miguel Thunder saves Foster from elimination with a clothesline to Happy Guy! Foster thankful for the save, but Thunder whips him into the ropes and catches him with a Frankensteiner! What does this punk think he’s doing?
Lisa: Pain Sister Nikki continues to put up a great fight, even without the aid of her sister, but she’s in some trouble now with Venus. Venus going for the Ocean Typhoon Suplex, but Nikki counters with a Frankensteiner! Nikki goes for the elimination, and Venus is history!
Ring Announcer: Venus has been eliminated!
Bob: Randi and the Python Princess are going at it. I thought they were friends?
Chad: You ARE as dumb as you look! They both want that TV belt, and they’ll go through anyone to get it! And it looks like Randi is going to win this battle!
Ring Announcer: Python Princess has been eliminated!
Jessie: It will be interesting to see if that incident strains relations between the Body Girls and the Snake Sisters. Meanwhile, Miguel Thunder takes a shot at Randi, but she ducks his punch and dumps him over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Miguel Thunder has been eliminated!
Bob: I love this! ViV and Kathy Derringer are taking turns pounding on Foster! That loudmouth is getting just what he deserves, after what he’s said about them! And Slegehammer is eliminated by Jessica Spangles!
Ring Announcer: Sledgehammer has been eliminated!
Jessie: Former ICWF North American champion Jessica Spangles takes out the big man, and now goes to work on Dark Star!
Lisa: We’re down to the final ten wrestlers! Jessica Spangles, Nevermore, Rob Foster, Dark Star, Vision in Violet, Dark Paladin, Randi, Kathy Derringer, Happy Man and Nikki remain to battle for the TV belt!
Bob: And Dark Star just nailed Derringer with the Miracle, and easily eliminates her!
Ring Announcer: Kathy Derringer has been eliminated!
Chad: Good, she didn’t deserve a title anyway!
Bob: Will you stop!
Jessie: Dark Star nails Happy Man with a short lariat. Happy Man is whipped into the ropes, but reverses it on Dark Star, and catches him coming back with an elbow. Happy Man scoops up Dark Star and slams him back to the canvas! Happy Man with the Smile and Say Cheese, and Dark Star is history!
Ring Announcer: Dark Star has been eliminated!
Chad: And Foster just eliminated Nikki by ducking a clothesline and pulling the ropes down!
Ring Announcer: Nikki has been eliminated!
Bob: ViV has Nevermore reeling! A Russian legsweep, and he’s about out of it! The fans are going wild for ViV, as she picks up Mr. Dark and Gruesome and eliminates him!
Ring Announcer: Nevermore has been eliminated!
Jessie: Rob Foster tries to sneak up behind her, but ViV is too quick for him! Foster tries to beg off, but ViV whips him into the ropes, and catches him with a Frankensteiner! She picks him up, sets him on the top turnbuckle, and signals for the Leap of Faith!
Bob: Listen to those fans! The entire arena is on its feet screaming for the Vision!! And she plants Foster with the Leap of Faith! She dumps him over the top rope, and the bigmouth is gone!
Ring Announcer: Rob Foster has been eliminated!
Jessie: Happy Man charges ViV from behind, but she ducks and he goes flying!
Ring Announcer: Happy Man has been eliminated!
Chad: Listen to these peons! ViV is going absolutely crazy in the ring, and they love it! But Paladin just shut ’em up with The Crusader on dear sweet ViV!
Jessie: Paladin did indeed put an end to ViV’s momentum, and the fan favorite could be in trouble here. Meanwhile, Randi and Jessica Spangles are battling it out. Jessica has Randi trapped in the corner, but Paladin from behind nails her with a double-axehandle, and he and Randi double-team Jessica.
Bob: And unfortunately ViV can’t help her friend, has she is still groggy from the effects of Paladin’s Crusader! Paladin and Randi send Jessica for the ride, she ducks the double clothesline and sends them both down with clotheslines of her own!
Lisa: All four wrestlers are down now, whoever gets to their feet first will have the advantage in this one! Jessica up first, but Randi and Paladin are up as well and close in on her! She fights them off for a while, but I don’t know if she can keep this up with ViV still down!
Chad: Paladin ends that little rally with a rake of the eyes. Jessica stumbles blindly against the ropes, and Paladin and Randi send her to the outside with a double clothesline!
Ring Announcer: Jessica Spangles has been eliminated!
Jessie: Paladin and Randi now close in on ViV, who’s still recovering from the Crusader. Randi closes in first, and delivers several kicks to ViV in the corner. Randi pulls ViV to her feet, whips her into the opposite turnbuckle! Randi charges in, but nobody’s home!
Bob: Randi hit the post hard, she could be hurt! And Paladin is making no move to help her! ViV pulls a semi-conscious Randi out of the corner, hoists her into the air, and throws her over the top rope!
Ring Announcer: Randi has been eliminated!
Chad: And Paladin obviously sat that one out, why deal with two opponents when you can let them beat each other up and just have one left to face? He quickly moves in for the attack now, but ViV catches him coming in with a kick. ViV whips him into the turnbuckle. She goes for the whip into the opposite turnbuckle, but Paladin reverses it!
Jessie: Paladin charges in with a forearm, but ViV counters with a lariat, which Paladin ducks! ViV goes for an abdominal stretch, but Paladin breaks that up with a hiptoss!
Lisa: Great counter-wrestling by these two, despite the fact they’ve been in the ring for over ninety minutes!
Jessie: Paladin goes to the top turnbuckle, but ViV catches him and throws him to the mat. She goes for an elbowdrop, but Paladin rolls away and goes for an inverted atomic drop, but its blocked. ViV with a Russian legsweep. She tries for a gutwrench suplex, but its blocked. Paladin whips her into the ropes and executes a headlock takedown. ViV whips Paladin into the ropes, but Paladin reverses it. Paladin leaps over ViV coming back, but she catches him from the other side with a shoulderblock. She picks him up, whips him into the ropes and nails him with a flying forearm! A bodyslam! She picks him and locks in an abdominal stretch, but Paladin counters with a hiptoss, and nails her with the Crusader again!
Chad: That’s it! This one is history! Paladin is your new ICWF TV Champ!
Jessie: But Paladin doesn’t go for the elimination! He climbs to the top turnbuckle, but ViV gets to her feet and hits him with a dropkick while he’s on the top turnbuckle, sending him to the floor!
crowd goes wild]
Ring Announcer: Dark Paladin has been eliminated!
Bob: Vision in Violet wins the battle royal! She’s the new ICWF TV Champ! Let’s go to Sam Wilson, standing by with ViV now!
Sam: Yeeee-ha! I’m down-here with the Vision in Violet, who just won the battle royal for the TV championship!
ViV: Too bad that Marauder character had to go and lose–he’s just ducking me.
Sam: Why any red-blooded male wouldn’t want to wrestle a gal like you I haven’t the slightest, but anyway, good show in there taking out that many in a row. Been training hard while we’ve been off the air?
ViV: Not so much on the wrestling part until a few weeks ago, but I’ve been able to teach a lot more aerobics classes, so I was at least able to keep my endurance through that time.
Sam: Any thoughts on the future?
ViV: Well, for one thing, I believe the Soultaker still needs to be put in his place… and I’ve also signed a couple of juniors.
Sam: And who’re they?
ViV: The boy you’ve seen with Kelly, Alan Peterson…
Sam: Now there’s a lucky guy!
(ViV glares at him)
ViV: …and Kathy Summers, who used to be the junior champion back in NCW.
Sam: And don’t you have another title on hand?
ViV: Sure do. All you trios who think you can withstand the Feminine Force, you know where to find us.
Sam: Well, that’s it from here, Jess! YEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWWW!!!
Jessie: Thanks, Sam! Well, it was an exciting program, to be sure, and things should be VERY interesting as of our next television broadcast! So for my broadcast colleagues, this is Jessie James, saying, so long!